Ask Me How I Love You
by alwaysbringback-up
Summary: Kate once told him that she would break him out of prison, but never did Castle think that she actually meant it. A play on the episode Anatomy of a Murder. Caskett pairing. Oh hiatus, but will update soon!
1. Ask Me How I Love You

_**A/N: Just a one shot based on Kate's promise that she'd break him out of prison, and the meaning behind it. **_

_**Title: Ask Me How Much I Love You (Prologue)**_

_**Disclaimer: Sadly the amazing show that is Castle does not belong to me, nor does Natan Fillion (as amazing as he his)!**_

_**Spoilers: A play on spoilers from Anatomy of a Murder. Kate tells Castle that she would break him out of prison. Castle sees this as a sign of Love.**_

_**Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)**_

* * *

Never, after Kate told him that she would get him out of prison, did Castle ever think that he would have to enlist her help in such a way. But as he stood behind the defense's table in the courtroom, listening to the jury read their verdict, convicting him of murder, he wondered if that offer was still good. He could only listen numbly as the 1st chair of the jury read the verdict.

"We the jury find the defendant guilty of murder in the first degree," the voice droned on in the background. He listened as they added a couple of other charges to the one that would put him in prison for the rest of his life. Castle suddenly struggled to breathe, his eyes closing in a self resigned defeat. The District attorney hadn't even offered him a deal, although, even if they had, he wouldn't have taken it. Because he was innocent and agreeing to a deal would have implied he was guilty. Silently, Castle wondered how things had gone so terribly wrong, and how an attempt to find his father would cost him the rest of his life. He swallowed as the judge thanked the jury and dismissed those in the courtroom, temporarily adjourning until sentencing. With a look down at the silver cuffs, marking his wrists, he wondered what life would be like in prison. He wondered if he even stood a chance in prison. He could expect that those already inside would rip a celebrity like him limb from limb.

"Dad!" Alexis screamed from behind him, causing the muscles in his back and shoulders to tighten uncomfortably as they tried to guard him from the pain that her sweet innocent voice evoked. It was as if his heart, his soul, was being ripped into a thousand pieces. As much as he tried not to feel pain, he felt he deserved it for his foolishness. It took every bit of his self-control not to turn around. He imagined the look on her face as she screamed his name a second and a third time.

Instead, he caught the eye of his defense attorney who looked nothing short of shocked, "Rick," he whispered quietly, "It's going to be alright. With connections like you have, we'll push through an appeal in no time."

"I'm afraid connections aren't going to do me any good," Castle spoke back, trying not to be heard, "They have enough evidence to keep convicting me, Cal. It doesn't matter if I was framed. No matter how many times you try the case, I'm going to look guilty." The man looked at Castle sympathetically. "For god's sakes," Castle breathed, "I mean…I kill people for a living. They probably just think that I ran out of ways to do it in ink, and that I took to the real thing…"

"Hey," the man's voice was brusque, "You do yourself a favor and keep ideas like that to yourself." The man looked into Castle's eyes as he promised, "I will get you out of this, Castle. The whole 12th knows your innocent. We're going to get the real bastard who killed your father and straighten this whole thing out."

"Time to go," one of the court marshall's spoke as he grabbed Castle by the upper arm.

Castle felt a tug on his shoulder as the court marshal tugged him in the direction of the door. The silence ripped into him with every step that he took. He berated himself for being so foolish, and for getting so involved. He kept thinking in terms of what if. What if he had heeded Kate's initial warning? What if he had stayed away from the victim? As he let his mind slip to other places, he made a rookie mistake. He let his eyes gravitate to where he had been avoiding all along, only to find two smoky green eyes boring into his. The air left his lungs as Kate Beckett of the NYPD stared back at him. Her eyes were asking him a million questions, and he wanted to answer, but knew he couldn't. It was painful when he finally tore his eyes away from hers, before letting himself be pushed through the door.

For Kate, the reality hit her like a ton of bricks. She couldn't believe that they had convicted him. What she had seen over the course of this investigation had caused her to lose faith in the NYPD. She didn't trust them. Her gut told her of Castle's innocence. And she knew that all of the evidence they had gathered was condemning, that they actually had Castle placed at the crime scene...but there were things to be said. And those in charge of prosecuting Castle's case wouldn't listen. She wondered if someone was gunning for him. Perhaps someone much higher up than their captain, and she wanted to know who. Because she knew, that that was where the real corruption lies.

With a squeeze to her shoulder, Kate was brought back to the present. She turned slowly to see Ryan and Esposito staring at her. She nodded, assuring them that she was okay, before she followed them out of the courtroom. Their walk to the car was made in silence, and for a while, Kate kept it together. She tried to keep her thoughts away from where they threatened to flock. The ones that involved doing something she knew was wrong. Something that she knew very well could cost her her job as a detective, or her life. But she couldn't keep them away.

She slipped into the passenger seat, letting Esposito take point. Ryan slipped into the back, looking around. Kate stared out the window, watching as the American flag billowed in the wind. She couldn't help the bitterness that crept into her heart as she watched the stars and stripes blow and back and forth in the wind. She could only scoff at the symbol that stood for freedom and justice. So much for justice, she thought. What kind of world do we really live in? She was surprised when she got a reply.

"Who knows?" Esposito shrugged. She noticed the unease in his expression as he ventured into the busy street traffic.

"Did I really just say that aloud?" Kate asked, shifting in her seat. She received a nod in the affirmative.

"Man, I really can't believe that they convicted him…" Esposito continued angrily, his eyes glaring straight ahead, "That is just so…so…"

"Wrong?" Kate finished for him, knowing his difficulty. Unfortunately, wrong didn't even begin to cover it. Not when the prosecution is pushing for the longest sentence possible. Not when they were alluding to the fact that Castle might have killed before. It made Kate sick, listening to the "People's representative" speak. The reason for such a high profile case, of course, is the matter of the high profile victim. Perhaps I should have mentioned earlier that the victim in question was a U.S. senator, Castle's biological father.

The miserable way Castle had learned of his father's identity was scarring enough in itself. Along with the notion that Castle had lost his father before he ever got to know the man, it was sickening. But to go down for his murder…to be convicted of it was just implausible.

"All they see is a closed case file," Ryan spoke allowed, "It's obvious that they want him to go down for it whether he did it or not. And frankly, I'm worried that they'll do anything it takes to put him away for the rest of his life. Forget about the fact we don't have the death penalty, the second he's released into the general population they're going to rip him apart. They might even kill him if they have the chance." Kate flinched at the thought. She didn't want to think about all of the people they'd put away that would love to get a little revenge. She'd once told Lockwood that she had a lot of people on the inside who had grown quite fond of her, but that was only a half truth. She'd purposely omitted the fact that there were a lot of people on the inside who despised her a surely as Lockwood had. The fact that she knew there were people on the inside that could kill Castle without so much as a single thought was already killing her inside. She couldn't forgive the system for putting away someone completely innocent, and someone she deeply cared about. The man was brilliant. Okay, so he might have the emotional capacity of a twelve year old boy, but so what? He had a family. He was a valuable asset to society. Hell, he had already put away dozens of _actual_ killers. And more importantly, Kate would not admit this to anyone, but she loved him. The true kind. Not the cheesy, happily ever after, then it falls apart after two years kind, but actual true love.

"So what do we do?" the words were out of Kate's lips before she could hold them back. She looked to Esposito first, and then Ryan, sizing them up for ability. Esposito let out a laugh and shook his head.

"Hell no," he said aloud. "I know what you're thinking and I'm not doing it." Kate's expression was unreadable as she continued to stare into Esposito's eyes. "Do you have any idea what the ramifications of doing something like that would be?" he asked. "Shit, boss. We're talking about aiding and abetting a fugitive here."

"You're right," Kate sighed, running a hand over her face. She turned in her street and stared straight ahead at the traffic in front of her. "It's downright stupid. And frankly, it's against everything we stand for as detectives and officers of the law."

"But?" Esposito quirked a brow, looking over to a woman he trusted with his life. He could see the wheels turning in her head.

"Do you feel good about what happened in that court room?" Kate asked, "You saw it. Both of you! They're ready to put him away, Esposito, for a crime we all know he didn't commit. They're just going to put him in there, and throw away the key. Someone has to step in…someone has to help him." Her voice was strained. "Have you really forgotten all he's done for us?"

"Of course not," Esposito replied indignantly. "But it's not our place. You said someone has to step in…let it be someone else, Kate. Someone whose responsibility it is to put things right."

"And you don't think we share that same responsibility?" Kate asked harshly. She could understand Esposito's reaction. She really could, but she knew how he truly felt.

"You're really killing me, Kate," Esposito grumbled. "You already got a plan or something?" There it was. The interest she knew Esposito had. She saw this in Kevin too as he leant forward in his seat so that his head poked into the front seat.

"No," she admitted, "But I do know that we have to do it before sentencing. Which means that if we go through with this that we've got 48 hours max."

"Shit," Kevin swore as he looked as his watch. "There's no way we're going to be able to put together a plan and execute it in 48 hours."

"Ye of little faith," Kate smirked, "You seem to be forgetting something, Ryan."

"And what's that?" he asked cheekily.

"That we're some of New York City's finest detectives," Kate boasted, "If anyone can pull it off, I bet we can."

"Okay," Kevin relented, "So where do we start?"

"First," Kate breathed as she pulled out her notepad and a pen, "We need a secluded place to hold him. We also need an untraceable bank account, an unmarked car, some intimidating looking weapons. A black pillow case, ductape and…."

"Okay," Esposito held up his hand, "Stop right there. Duct tape?"

"We're going to orchestrate the whole thing," Kate smiled, "Come on. It'll be fun." She looked at Ryan. "Can't you see the look on Castle's face when he catches on as to what is really going on?"

"Wait a minute…" Esposito said again. "So you think that the FBI or whoever is going to buy our little act? Let's be realistic, Katie. The feds eat futile attempts like the one your proposing for breakfast."

"It'll go deeper than what I'm talking about, guys," Kate said softly, "What…so you don't trust me?"

"I do," Ryan replied quickly, "It's just that, Sito is right. We're in the middle of NYC. There's no way we'll ever get out of the city without notice."

"Good point," Kate sighed, "If we're really going to pull this off we need a minimum of three cars, all located at strategic points throughout the city."

"You're not going to give this up, are you?" Esposito asked seriously, as they arrived back at the precinct.

"No," Kate replied honestly. "And whether you're behind me or not. I'm going to do it." She said the next part determinedly, "I told him I'd get him out and I will." Ryan looked at her slack jawed. "I guess I just needed to know where you guys stood…is all." She smiled. "And now I know." She let out a deep breath as she got out of the car, stuffing her hands into her coat pockets. "I would appreciate one thing though…"

"And what's that?" Kevin asked aloud, walking so that he was right next to her as she shut the door.

"If someone comes poking around," Kate whispered, "Stall them for me? All I will need is a few hours."

Kate jumped as she felt Esposito's hand on her shoulder. He gave it a squeeze.

"Oh hell no," Esposito breathed, "We're in."

"What?" Kate nearly choked with surprise.

"Come on, Kate," Ryan smiled, "You really think we're that heartless?"

"Castle is our bro," Esposito elaborated, "There's no way we're letting him go down like this." He looked to Ryan. "We've been working on his escape plan for days." The detective winced as Kate slugged him in the arm.

"Like I'd trust anything you guys come up with," Kate rolled her eyes. "Come on, let's go. If we can hash out an impossible murder then we can certainly pull this off."

"Too bad Castle isn't here," Ryan sighed whimsically, "He would be really good with the orchestration part." Kate smiled, hooking arm in arm with her two favorite people in the world. Two people that she knew wouldn't let her down. "Guess we'll have to honor him well, huh guys?"

* * *

Castle sat shackled in the back seat of a reinforced vehicle on his way to sentencing two days later. He hadn't spoken a word to the marshals who rode in the back with him since they departed from the holding cell he had been kept in. The vehicle rocked back and forth in gentle, mind numbing movements. It was almost enough to put him to sleep.

He could feel his heart racing, though he wasn't sure why. All of the things that had been said between him and Kate seemed to race through his head, effectively torturing him. He loved her, and now he'd never get the chance to tell her. If he was lucky, he would be rotting away in prison the rest of his life. And that was if he was lucky. He felt the metal painfully digging into his wrists as she sat chained to the bench in the back of the bus. He looked over at the marshall sitting across from him. The man looked at him coldly as if he were repulsed by him. Castle looked away with a deep sigh. He squeezed his eyes shut, and willed the powers that be to let him be anywhere else. Unfortunately, when he opened them found himself stuck in the middle of the same nightmare.

Castle's head shot up from where it had been staring at the floor as a loud bang thundered outside.

"What the hell was that?" one of the marshall's asked in the back, pulling his police issue radio from his hip.

Before he knew it, the unthinkable was happening. Another explosion went off in the road, this time the sound was unmistakable. Before the marshalls could even react, the vehicle swayed back in forth, the force pushing their bodies into the unforgiving metal sides. Suddenly the marshals were screaming. In a violent jerking motion, two wheels were lifted from the pavement and it was tipping on its side. Castle braced himself as best as he possibly could as the wall behind him tipped downwards. For a few moments, he clenched his eyes shut at the noise of the groaning metal. He groaned as his back and his head were thrown unforgivingly against the side. He could hear the metal sliding over the pavement below, and could feel the heat of the friction, in the temperature of the metal at his back. And finally with a big lurch, the vehicle came to a halt and Castle lay still on the floor.

Castle heard sirens from somewhere in the distance as he struggled to a sitting position. He felt the pain reverberating from all over his own body, and did his best to use the shock that he was feeling to his advantage. Needless to say, Castle's adrenaline was pumping. Castle looked slowly to the marshals in the back with him. They were still….too still. Castle swallowed, and grimaced at the iron taste in his mouth. It was almost enough to make him sick. Castle closed his eyes as fatigue took over and made it hard for him to move. He still jumped as the two back doors burst open with a big lurch. In the distance he heard someone scream. He blinked his eyes. Once. Twice. Three times. Convinced that what he was seeing was just a bad dream. A masked man jumped into the back with him, holding an AR-15 assault rifle. Castle just stared at the man, helplessly as blood worked its way down his face from a gruesome cut on his head. He knew something was wrong when the man just stared back at him.

"Who had the keys?" a distorted voice asked him as the person rushed forwards to check the motionless bodies in the back for the keys.

"The one on the left," Castle muttered, not really thinking about whose side this man was on. The second the words came from his mouth he immediately wished he had kept that bit of information to himself. Whoever it was who was in the back with him, probably was not on his side. The masked assailant nodded in thanks before they pulled the keys from the man's pocket. Castle swallowed, nearly choking over the obstruction in his throat.

"Hurry up in there!" another distorted voice yelled in from behind. Castle's stomach clenched and he winced in pain as the man walked over and began pulling on chains. Castle screamed as they tweaked his shoulder.

"Damn," the voice muttered as Castle began to struggle. "I'm really sorry about this man, but I need you to stay still." This made Castle put up a new fight, especially when Castle saw the person in front of him pull out a knife.

"Don't touch me!" Castle kicked at him, "Get the hell away from me. I'm going to prison. I'll take my chances there."

"Hell no," the man yelled back, "You're coming with us."

"You'll never get away with it," Castle argued, still fighting, "They're already on their way."

"Oh yes we will," the man assured him as he handled his gun quickly, bringing down the handle of the large rifle on Castle's head, effectively knocking him out. A second person jumped in.

"For god's sake," the voice seemed annoyed that it was taking so long, "What the hell is taking you so long?"

"Writer boy wouldn't shut up," he groaned, "now help me lift him out of here." The second masked individual slipped a bag over Castle's head and grabbed him under his shoulders. As Kate helped Esposito carry Castle to an unmarked black van, she couldn't help but think that Castle could stand to lose a few pounds. The third person in the front seat of the van, rushed out to open the door for them.

"Hostiles," he yelled, causing Kate to turn around. Sure enough, two officers were jumping out of a cruiser only 25 feet from them. Before they knew it, they were firing at them. Kate opened up in retaliation, trying to stall long enough for Esposito and Ryan to hop in the van. She did not hesitate because she knew the rubber bullets wouldn't do any serious damage to those that she hit. Upon Ryan's yell, she turned and jumped in the back. She winced as she felt a sting stick her in her midsection, just below where the vest left off. She swore as Esposito slammed the side door shut, and Ryan sped off.

"Shit," Kate whispered as she brought her hand up to her side and the glove came away with a red sticky substance. "Ochoa, I'm hit."

"What?," Ryan's panicked voice sounded from the front seat.

"Keep driving, Rales!" Kate yelled, "I'm fine." She could practically see Kevin's pouting eyes as he worried. "Don't mess things up now guys. We've got him! That's what matters."

"How bad is it?" Kate asked as Esposito finally freed her from the vest.

"Not bad," he breathed in relief as he applied pressure, "I think it just grazed you, there's no entry."

"Thank god," Kate whispered. "Getting shot was not in the plan."

"But we knew it was a possibility…a risk." Esposito said quietly. "It just means we'll have to be very careful. We'll have to wipe this down with bleach on account of the blood."

"Yeah," Kate groaned as he applied pressure. "Here," she winced, taking the cloth from Esposito and applying her own pressure to her wound, "Do we have gauze?"

"Yeah," Esposito said as he began to dig through their bag of emergency medical supplies. In the matter of a couple of minutes, Esposito had the wound clean and bandaged tightly. He was very mechanical in his ministrations, but Kate was quite impressed with his work as a medic. She winced as he checked the bandage again.

"I'm good. Go check on writer boy. Try and revive him if you can."

"I hit him pretty hard," Esposito winced as he scooted back into the back of the van and knelt over Castle. Carefully, ever so carefully, he pulled the veil from over Castle's eyes. He began trying to revive the man. "I think he's hurt."

"How bad?" Kate asked urgently.

"From the way his pupils are dilated," Esposito winced as he opened Castle's eyelids to judge the man's cognition, "I'd say he has a concussion. Maybe worse. He was chained in the bus, which means that he couldn't brace himself when it hit."

"Shit," Kate said, trying to stand up.

"Uh uh," Esposito turned and quickly shoved her back down. "You stay there."

"Shut up, Ochoa," Kate swatted his arm away, "I give the orders here." She stared down Esposito and he let her up, albeit reluctantly. She wriggled her way back towards Castle.

"Get me some alcohol and some gauze," she instructed. "And the bourbon we brought." She quickly set to cleaning the cut on his forehead. She was rewarded when he groaned and his eyes flickered open. She stared back into them.

"Castle," she smiled, "Castle, can you hear me?" He shifted slightly, and winced again. "Hey," Kate whispered. Castle stared up at her, drowning in her sea green eyes.

"Am I dreaming?" Castle grunted, as he tried to push himself up. "Kate, what's going…" She shushed him.

"Easy, Castle," Kate held him down as gently as she could. "You hit your head pretty hard." Castle confirmed that fact pretty quickly as his vision blurred in whirls of color, and he sank back to the ground.

"Whoa," he muttered with surprise, "That's disorienting."

"Just stay still and you'll be fine," Kate chastised. "It's just a little bump to the head." As if he needed to verify this himself he reached up with one of his hands and palpated where he felt the worst pain. He winced as his fingers brushed the bump on the back of his head.

"Ouch," Castle grunted.

"Yeah," Kate mocked with some bemusement, "Ouch is right."

"Are you mocking me?" Castle asked in mock hurt. His twinkling blue eyes sparkled as she lightly stroked his face with her palm.

"Not at all," Kate smiled gently. "Here. Take a sip of this," she indicated the small flask in her hand, and poured a bit down his throat as she tilted up his head. He closed his eyes and coughed as it burned on the way down. He winced again as she tweaked his shoulder. "Hopefully it'll take some of the edge off. I don't really have anything else to give you."

"Ugh," Castle grunted, "Oww. I think my shoulder is dislocated. Or at least I hope that's all it is because I can't really move my arm." Kate bit down on her lip, knowing that she was going to have to set his arm, and cause him pain. She offered him something to bite down on.

"Here," Kate said softly, "Bite on this. It's going to hurt."

"Ever the romantic," Castle joked as he stuck the leather belt in his mouth. Kate closed her eyes as she pulled his arm and pushed forwards. Castle screamed into the leather as the pain flared. But after, Castle seemed much more comfortable. Slowly, ever so slowly, he began to move his arm. "There. That's better."

"Still," she brushed some of the hair out of of his eyes, "You got pretty worked over."

"Yeah," Castle swallowed. "So what happened? How did you rescue me from those guys? They crashed our vehicle and then I remember…" Castle stopped speaking as his eyes fell on the pillowcase, and then onto the discarded AR-15 rifles. Kate finally saw the look she had been looking for. The shock of knowing the truth. Only, he wasn't as amused as she thought he would be. Instead, his eyes were full of disbelief. "Oh, Kate… Please tell me you didn't."

"Castle," Kate bit out slowly, trying to figure out how to respond most appropriately.

"Oh god," Castle muttered, "You did, didn't you?" Kate winced as Castle swore under his breath. "What the hell were you thinking?" Castle was angry as he clenched his jaw. "You're going to ruin everything you've worked for! Everything! For what? For me?"

"That's exactly who I did it for, Castle," Kate confessed aloud, her eyes holding Rick's in a heated gaze. "I wasn't going to let them do it. Not to you."

"Katie," Castle breathed, "You really shouldn't have. This is…this is bad. I mean...really really bad."

"I told you," She smiled, "I told you that I'd get you out. Don't you remember?"

"Of course I do," Castle replied in a low tone, "But I didn't really ever expect that you actually would."

"Then you don't know me very well," Kate teased huskily, "You should know that I keep my word, Castle." It was then that Castle saw the look in Kate's green eyes. Even in the dark in the back of a moving van, he could see the sincerity in her eyes and composure rolling off of the detective in waves. She was calm as she leaned forwards. "Now, tell me something, Castle," Kate breathed quietly, "Did I do it for love? Or am I just a fool?"

"Love," Castle breathed, stealing a kiss from the detective. She looked shocked for a long moment, as the kiss was happening, but finally gave back and deepened it. And for a moment, just for a moment, they forgot all of their problems. It was Kate who got her bearings first and looked away. She cleared her throat as Castle added, "Or at least I hope so."

He looked at her with sparkling eyes, hardly daring to ask. "Was this supposed to be some sort of grand gesture?"

"Don't humor yourself, Castle," Kate smiled teasingly, "I was just fulfilling my promise." Rick swallowed uncomfortably over the lump in his throat as he started to rethink everything.

"Ask me how much I love you, Kate."

"Castle," Kate spoke with slight annoyance.

"Just humor me," Castle pleaded, holding her gaze with his, "Just this once."

"Fine," Kate dared to breath, "How much do you love me?"

"More than you'll ever know," Castle finished. This time, it was Kate who pulled him in for the kiss.

**_Please read and review!_**


	2. I So Hate Consequences

_**A/N: Here's the continuance I wrote. I can't believe how big of a response I got for this story. It's pretty cool that so many people liked it. You know me, I just like to play out what ifs and random scenarios. Anyways, I'll be writing a few more chapters for this probably. I still have to rewrite the bulk of my other Castle story since my Hard Drive crashed, so I can't promise speedy updates. Without further ado, I'll let you get to it. Please let me know what you think. **_

_****Feel free to give me ideas (including old characters from the series you'd like to pop up again.) I chose Sorenson and Shaw because I liked them the best. I also plan on having Castle interact with Alexis, Martha and the gang. So don't assume that I'm going to whisk him away to the boonies all by his lonesome self. Thanks again for all of the feedback! You guys are truly the best.**_

_**Title: Ask Me How Much I Love You**_

_**Disclaimer: Sadly the amazing show that is Castle does not belong to me, nor does Natan Fillion (as amazing as he his)!**_

_**Spoilers: A play on spoilers from Anatomy of a Murder. Kate tells Castle that she would break him out of prison. Castle sees this as a sign of Love.**_

_**Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)**_

* * *

"What happens now?" Castle asked as they wove through the streets of New York City to the red light district. Esposito was speaking into his radio to a third party that Castle couldn't discern at that moment.

"We switch cars and get you out of the city," Kate replied calmly. "Then we work on getting you across the border."

"Kate," Rick swallowed, propping himself on his elbows, "They'll know it was you that helped me. You really shouldn't have done this."

"I had no choice!" Kate said emphatically. "I believe in justice, Castle. You didn't kill him, and they're ready to hang your neck for it."

"You never asked me if I did it," Castle spoke in a whisper. "Didn't you ever wonder?" Castle grasped hold of Kate's hand tightly, twining their fingers together. "The way you looked at me in the courtroom…"

"I never thought you did it, Castle," Kate spoke in a matter of fact sort of manner. Kate shook her head, "And I never needed to ask you, because I know that you didn't do it." Kate looked deep into Castle's eyes. "Why? Do you want me to?"

"You could," Castle swallowed.

"Okay…" Kate breathed lamely, "So did you? Did you kill Hugherty?"

"No." Castle choked out honestly.

"Okay," Kate smiled. "I believe you."

"Good," Castle smiled in return. "At least I have one person who believes me."

"Try eight," Kate corrected, "Surely you can count on me, Martha, Alexis, Laney, Sito, Ryan, and the Captain Jacobs." Castle cut her off with a finger to her lips.

"Okay," Castle teased, "Your point has been made."

"We're closing in on our target," Ryan's voice called from the front seat. "Prepare for the switch."

Kate pulled away and got to her knees. She crawled over and retrieved the masks and gun. Castle started as something was tossed at him in the darkness.

"Put this on," Kate said as he picked up the mask, "We need to keep your identity hidden." Castle did as she was told. He felt a dead weight on top of him as the van screeched to a halt. Apparently Kate had lost her balance, not that she minded. In seconds the back doors were flung open. A flashlight flashed into Castle's eyes causing him to see stars as his eyes were temporarily blinded. Castle stumbled a little as he was pulled from the back on the van.

"You're ahead of schedule," another voice spoke into the darkness. The hackles on the back of Castle's neck rose a little as he struggled to place the distorted voice. He could have sworn he had met this person before.

"Wipe it down for prints," the masked figure told another individual. "We can't leave any trace of him." The person inclined their head towards Castle. Castle stared back, feeling as if he were under inspection. The busy body in the background went to wiping for prints. Luckily, Castle hadn't touched anything except the floor for balance purposes.

"Raley and Ochoa," Kate spoke, using Castle's fictional names, "Book it back to central. I'll be in touch with you soon."

"What?" Castle's voice betrayed his confusion, "Where are they going?"

"Our alibi's only check for so long," Ryan explained in a near whisper. "We set up a program so that we could forward all of the phone calls to our home straight to our cells without leaving a trace. People at our apartment are making several key calls in the middle of our timeframe to offset the possibility it was us. Theoretically, it's the perfect alibi." He paused as he checked the display of his cell phone. "You're right in thinking that the first ones they are going suspect of helping you, is our squad. The fact is, we got pretty much everyone in on it that we can trust. My girlfriend is waiting for me at home. She's covering for me. And Ochoa has a friend covering for him. Still, we only got a twenty minute window."

"You're sure they can't pin it back on you?" Castle asked worriedly.

"Yeah," Ryan assured him. "The techs in CSU are helping us and they know better than anyone what the feds will be looking for. Still, we've got to book it now."

"Okay," Castle nodded, "I can't possibly thank you enough for this." Castle said as he bumped fists with his partner. "You guys went above and beyond with this one."

"Anything for a brother," Sito piped up as he slid into an old model Honda with a fake license plate.

"We'll be in touch," Kate's distorted voice announced. With a nod, Ryan hopped into the passenger car and they were speeding off into the night.

Castle turned back around to find two masked figures spraying down the van with bleach. They were power washing away any trace they were ever there. Castle watched this in fascination. He stepped away as they stopped. Castle looked over towards Kate, who was wearing gloves and had slipped on a rubber suit over her black fatigues. She began pouring gasoline from a canister into the back of the van. She made quick work of her objectives. Before he knew it she was clambering out the back with an empty container. Another masked figure threw a lit match into the back. Castle threw up his arms instinctively as fire met gasoline. The accelerant did leaps and bounds to help the fire along. Oxygen was introduced to fresh flames in the cool night air. Castle could feel the sheer heat of the flames as they licked and ravished every inch of flammable material in the van. And just like that, all trace of them was gone.

Castle straightened up a little as he heard a faint uproar not too far from they were. It was definitely sirens. He wondered how long they had. Castle jumped as Kate's radio came to life.

"Alert to fugitives, this is base ops," Castle was surprised to hear Esposito's voice.

"This is fugitive," Kate responded. She broke off to meet Castle's eyes. Her voice showed no weakness as she spoke to him. It was almost frightening. "In the back, now."

"What?" Castle's voice cracked as the masked figure popped the trunk and indicated for him to get inside. "You're kidding," Castle said with no trace of humor in his voice.

"Blue coats are running hot," Esposito's voice, echoed under the overpass, "I repeat. They're running hot. They must have gotten a tip off in the area. ETA is 3 minutes. Get out of there."

"If you don't want us to leave you here for the blue coats I suggest you get comfortable," a clipped voice, heavy on annoyance said. Castle shook his head but still complied. As he walked up to the back of the trunk, his body still sore, something was pushed into his hand. "Put that in your ear so we can communicate. Castle curled up in the trunk. As soon as he was in, the trunk was unceremoniously slammed shut over him, rattling the car. Castle took a deep breath. He had a feeling that this was going to be a very very long night.

Castle's nerves were getting the best of him as he heard the excited exchange between Kate and Esposito. He jumped for the hundredth time when the tires screeched and they were moving at a very fast, brisk pace. Horns honked at them as they reentered mainstream traffic.

"How did it go?" Will Sorenson asked as he pulled off his mask. Kate's flushed face stared straight ahead, her expression determined. Kate only spared him a flick of a sideways glance as she focused on weaving in and out of traffic on the freeway.

"Good," Kate replied evenly. "We hit a little bit of a hiccup out of the gate. Cops were faster in responding than we thought."

"Explosives work okay?" Will asked with a lump in his throat.

"Perfectly," Kate replied. "God, I really hope no one was hurt."

"Already checked," Will breathed, "A few injuries. No casualties." A voice crackled over Will's radio. Kate tuned him out as he offered up his badge number and claimed that he was in pursuit. He gave a bogus address and released the button on the transmitter.

"Still," Kate muttered. "I never wanted to have to do this. I just can't believe…" Kate swallowed heavily in her throat as she felt Will place his hand on her arm.

"It's going to be okay, Kit Kat," Will tried to reassure her.

"No it's not," Kate bit back. "Even if we're lucky enough to make it through this night, everything is still ruined. He can't go back. Hell, I'm not even sure if I can." Kate took a long look in Will's eyes. "And then there's you. I shouldn't have involved you in this."

"Why?" Will spoke calmly. "You didn't push me into anything." Will looked back in front of them, watching as they overtook car after car in a steady stream of taillights. He silently wondered how fast they were going. "Writer monkey is an old friend, and I wanted to help. I looked over the crime scene photos, and I know that there's just no way that he did it. The murder was much too sophisticated even for him."

"What do you mean?" Kate asked.

"You didn't see the photos?" Will's brow furrowed.

"They wouldn't let us work the case," Kate replied, "They had IAB following our every move to make sure we wouldn't interfere. It pissed me off."

"Well," Will spoke, finding interest in the lights of the city as they whizzed by, "the murderer used a high caliber bullet consistent with a sniper rifle. But then another was fired to make it look like a closer hit."

"You're joking," Kate said, her jaw falling open.

"Completely serious," Will spoke stoically. "Now, I know that I'm not in homicide, but doesn't that sound like a professional hit to you?"

"How on earth could they ignore that?" Kate asked furiously.

"Well, that's just it isn't it. It's a cover up. They don't want the public knowing that it was a professional hit. My guess is that it was the NSC. Castle's dad must have stumbled onto something he shouldn't have." Will cleared his throat. "Of course the general public doesn't know this, but there was a leak, hundreds of documents were leaked from the inside by a hacker. Whoever it was that was responsible…well, I think that they talked to Hugherty. That made him a target. Whoever was trying to cover up the leak through murder must have stumbled across Castle and decided to set him up for it," Will whispered calmly. "Of course, this is all just conjecture and speculation."

"I just…" Kate's jaw clenched in anger, "I can't believe that after everything he did for us and for the FBI that they would overlook all of it. Someone has to be gunning for him. And I have to figure out who it is before Castle ever has a chance to get his life back."

"It kills you that you're going to have to leave him, doesn't it?" Will asked simply.

"Yes," Kate whispered. "But I'm the best chance that he has at getting justice. I have to figure out who really killed his father. I have to clear his name. Then…Then maybe we can finally have a chance."

"Does he know?" Will asked, noting the pain in Kate's eyes. "Does he know that he's going to be on his own?"

"I haven't told him yet," Kate shook her head, "I couldn't. This whole situation is painful."

"Does he know how you're planning on getting out of this?" Will inquired carefully.

"No," Kate nearly growled, "I couldn't tell him that either."

"Because you know he won't like it," Will sighed.

"Of course he won't," Kate snapped back. "He knows that I hate the FBI. He would know that I'm doing it solely for him, and he's already upset enough. The fact is, I'll have much more resources to work with this way."

"Still," Will chuckled, "I thought hell would freeze over before you joined the feds."

"Me too," Kate smiled. "Don't get your hopes up though, it's only temporary."

"Heard from Shaw yet?" Will asked, checking his phone.

"No," Kate replied, her focus back on the road. She eased her foot on the gas as she detected a police cruiser ahead of them. She wanted to do all she could to avoid suspicion, and driving at 85 miles per hour would not do that. "I gave her a heads up when we hit the first checkpoint." Kate suddenly remembered that they weren't alone. She flicked on her transmitter and spoke into the mic on her black jacket lapel.

"You okay back there, monkey?" A voice crackled in his ear.

"I'm fine," Castle said sternly, "But I want a new nickname."

"Too bad," Kate laughed, "You missed out when we drew code names. You're stuck with it."

"Who else is with you?" Castle asked, curiosity getting the best of him.

"I'm afraid I can't say," Kate replied, "You'll have to wait for introductions later. Although, I think it's safe to say you know him. He is an old friend, after all."

"Well," Castle swallowed, "Whoever it is. Tell him thanks." Castle paused for a moment, before correcting himself. After all there was a third person. "Tell them thanks." The rest of the short trip was made in silence. Kate's voice crackled over the radio periodically to check and make sure he was still alive. Castle's body was sore and cramped from his position in the back, but he closed his eyes anyways. He was tired, and it was so dark that he couldn't see his hand in front of his face. With an abrupt motion the car came to a stop. The trunk was released and thrown open.

"Okay," Will's undistorted voice spoke as Castle blinked over and over again, not believing the sight before him. "Come on, writer monkey, we don't have all day. Up and out." Will offered Castle his hand and slowly Castle climbed out of the trunk. He held his forearm up to his eyes as the offending bright lights brought on a headache.

"Where are we?" Castle asked, looking back and forth between Kate and Will. He felt like the third wheel all over again.

"Cargo docks," Kate said calmly, "You, my friend, are going on a boat ride."

"A boat," Castle repeated. "Did I mention that I like land? I get seasick."

"Too bad," Kate spoke simply, "This is the plan. It's the best way to get you away without anymore suspicion. They'll be checking all outgoing traffic. It would be too easy to catch you on a train, a bus, or an airplane." Castle swallowed, running his good arm over his face. He winced as he tweaked his side. Castle turned as a car skidded to a stop just behind them. Two people climbed out, and Castle was stunned.

"Lanie," Castle spoke in a baffled voice. She was so calm and composed.

"Javi told me you were hit during the backfire," Lanie said walking over to Kate and grabbing her wrist. She looked pensive for a moment as she took Kate's pulse. "Where did it hit you?"

"My side," Kate nearly whispered, "But it was just a graze. I'm fine."

"Wait a minute," Castle's voice was rough, "You got shot?"

"It was just a graze," Kate's eyes flashed in annoyance. "I'm fine."

"Why do you have to be so damn stubborn," Castle snapped. "You see? Just another reason why you shouldn't have done this."

"Shut it," Laney said simply. "She'll be fine, Castle." Lanie took a long glance over Castle's battered form. "Now you on the other hand, might want to sit down for a minute." Castle's shoulders sagged as he limped over to an old cargo box, and plopped down on it, his head in his hands. He closed his eyes, thinking about how much trouble he had caused. Once the adrenaline and excitement wore off, one realized how stupid and dangerous it all was. Castle's thoughts raced as he imagined a situation in which Kate came away from the night with a serious injury. He shook his head wearily. He was vaguely aware of the others, resigning himself to sulk. He was jolted from his thoughts, however, when he felt a warm hand pry his hands away from his face. Before he had a chance to react a light was being forced onto his eyes.

"Lanie!" Castle whined, trying to pull away.

"Easy, Castle," Lanie spoke, "I'm checking your pupil reactivity. You're right pupil isn't constricting. You could have a concussion."

"I'm fine," Castle asserted himself.

"You black out at all?" Lanie asked, in full doctor mode. She was used to dealing with dead bodies, not noncompliant patients.

"For a second or two," Castle replied. "But I can remember my name and everything so I'm fine. It's just a bump." Lanie reached around the back of his head to find the bump in question. Castle winced. He felt a cold pack shoved in his hand.

"Here," Lanie said quietly, "Put this on it." Castle jumped a little when Lanie pulled up his shirt.

"What are you doing?" Castle asked feeling slightly embarrassed when his voice was an octave higher than it was typically.

"Listening to your heart and lungs," Lanie spoke evenly, "Now if you'd be quiet for a moment…" She let her voice trail off as she shifted her attention to the physical she was performing. Castle grunted a little as Lanie pushed down on a tender spot. Lanie's brow lifted on her forehead. "Well, your breathing sounds on the left side are kind of weak. You experiencing any pain."

"A little," Castle breathed. It hitched a little as Lanie poked and prodded around the area. She made a tsking sound in the back of her throat.

"You've got yourself a couple of broken ribs," Lanie said finally. "I can't really confirm it without an x-ray, but with the bruising patterns I'm pretty sure. I'm going to wrap them for you." Castle didn't speak as Lanie pulled out some supplies. He tried to stay very still as she wrapped his midsection. He closed his eyes for a long moment. He wanted to think he was dreaming because everything that had happened was just so surreal. Never in his wildest dreams did he imagine that he would be at a boat launch in the manufacturing district of NYC awaiting a get away boat, or that he'd be on the run from the cops and the feds.

"Okay," Lanie said, "We're done." Castle lowered his arms. "Kate also told me that you tweaked your shoulder."

"Dislocated it in the crash," Castle replied. He watched as she pulled out a sling.

"Can you move it for me?" Lanie asked. She watched carefully as he showed her his range of motion. "Good," she smiled, pleased that he hadn't broken anything. She manipulated his arm into the sling and adjusted it for comfort. "Try and keep it immobilized for now."

"Will do," Castle promised. Castle's eyes widened a little when she reached into her back and pulled out a syringe and a small medicinal bottle. With a little more shuffling she pulled out an alcohol wipe.

"What is that?" Castle asked nervously.

"Some Dilaudid," Lanie replied, filling the syringe to the appropriate level. He watched a she diluted it with some saline. "It's for pain."

"Lanie," Castle cleared his throat. "Really. It's okay. I don't need it. Really."

"You will," Lanie spoke knowingly. "With all the commotion, you're still in shock. Once that wears off you're going to be pretty uncomfortable." Suddenly a thought dawned on her. "Oh, this is too good," she laughed finally, "Richard Castle is afraid of a little needle?"

"Am not," Castle gritted his teeth. He could feel sweat pool on his brow as his body betrayed him and gave away his discomfort.

"Are too," Lanie laughed again. She grabbed his wrist with her hand, and palpated the artery. "Your heart rate just jumped." "It won't hurt," Lanie reassured him, "I promise." Castle let out a sigh. Reluctantly he conceded.

"Fine," he pouted, "Let's just get it over with."

"Okay," Lanie nodded. "I'm going to give you a shot of nausea medicine too. Kate says you get motion sickness."

"Yes," Castle replied tersely. His jaw tightened as she gave him the first shot. Of course the ME lied. It hurt. It burned as she injected the medicine under the skin.

"You said it didn't hurt," Castle grumbled, rubbing at the spot.

"As far as I'm concerned," Lanie replied with a mischievous glint in her eyes, "it doesn't. I know for a fact that the dead feel no pain."

"I should have known," Castle replied with a smile. "So that's why you became an M.E.?" he teased, "It's a way to get away with having a poor bedside manner."

"Oh shush," Lanie reprimanded him.

"Thanks for doing this, Lanie." Castle said gratefully.

"Anything for a friend," Lanie replied. "She really cares about you, you know?"

"Not as much as I care for her," Castle choked out.

"Are you insane?" Lanie said emphatically. "Do I need to remind you what risks she has taken to keep you out of prison. You have no idea the amount of planning that went into this little charade. And if you'd open your eyes then you'd realize she's in love with you."

"I love her, too" Castle swallowed.

"I know you do," Lanie confirmed. Castle flinched a little as she gave him the second shot. "Alright," Lanie sighed, "Well, that should help for the next few hours. I've got to run."

"Lanie," Castle reached out and squeezed her hand. "Take care, okay?"

"You too, Castle," Lanie replied with a smile as she squeezed his hand in return. Castle watched her walk away, sealing up her medical bag.

He watched Kate approach slowly. Her deep green eyes, looked down at him with evident concern. Her eyes were soft, apologetic even as she knelt down.

"I'm sorry," Kate whispered, "I know this is overwhelming, but it was the only way."

"You could have been hurt," Castle's voice was broken. "It's not worth it to me, Kate." His eyes conveyed his own pain as he spoke. "I'd rather die then see you hurt again."

"I know," Kate replied. "I guess we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one. Because I can't regret what I did." Kate brushed his cheek gently with her hand. "Jordan is going to meet you in Portland. It'll be a long trip. Everything you need is in this duffel. I had Alexis and Martha pack you some things."

"Jordan?" Castle asked calmly. "You mean Shaw?"

"Yeah," Kate nodded. "She's going to get you across the Canadian border, acting as a U.S. Marshall. You'll have to run on your own from there. I'd recommend Nova Scotia. I hear it's beautiful there."

"How can I contact you?" Castle breathed, his heart sinking.

"You can't," Kate said painfully, "it'll give us away."

"Right," Castle said stupidly.

"I'm sorry." Kate noticed the agony in Castle's expression.

"What about Alexis?" Castle looked as if he felt like he was getting his heart ripped out.

"Martha will take good care of her until your name is cleared and you can come back," Kate explained. "I'll take care of them too. I promise that I'll keep them safe." It was a big promise to make, but Kate made it with utmost sincerity, and he knew that she didn't take the responsibility lightly.

"They know that I'm innocent, don't they?" Castle asked.

"Of course they do," Kate replied. Kate flinched as Will's voice called out, telling her that they had to hurry. Castle saw the reluctance in her eyes. She took a long moment just to look him in the eyes.

"Will you do me a favor?" Castle breathed softly. "Tell Alexis that I love her very much. I couldn't do it after the verdict, but I want her to know."

"Yes," Kate promised, "Of course I will tell her."

"Thank you," he looked eternally grateful.

"I love you, Castle," Kate said in a low, soft, voice, "It's about time that I told you that." Kate leaned in without breathing. Their lips brushed together in a tender kiss. Castle closed his eyes, committing every sensation to memory as Kate's hands found their way into his hair. Castle deepened the kiss, though he looked in pain as he did so. He knew the kiss for what it was, a goodbye. It was why Kate had told him. She had to leave him here. He wouldn't see her for a long time. He was surprised to find tears streaking down Kate's face as she finally pulled away.

"I'll see you," Castle said numbly as she stood, her feet rooted to the ground. Kate brushed away the tears.

"I'll be waiting," Kate breathed as she turned away, and stalked over to Will. He stared without seeing as she slid into the passenger seat of Lanie's car. The car sped off into the night, leaving him there. Castle looked up to see Will approaching.

"They're here," Will inclined his head, letting out a sigh. Castle turned to see a flashlight flickering on and off in the darkness. Will pulled a flashlight and mimicked the signal. Castle stood up, hefting his duffel bag with his good hand. He picked up the long strap and slipped it over his shoulder carefully so that he didn't have to hold it any longer.

"Well," Castle stuck out his hand to the Will, "I guess this is goodbye then." Will shook his hand and slipped something into it. "Follow the instructions on that piece of paper to meet your next contact. Shaw will work on getting you a new identity, which will help you get across the border. Good luck."

"Thanks," Castle breathed retracting his hand. Castle slipped the piece of paper into his pocket for later. Will watched as Castle made his way to the edge of the landing. A hand reached out to pull him aboard. With a little jostling, Castle was aboard the small vessel. Will watched as the ship's captain reversed out of the slip and made his way back into the river, heading north. Slowly, the vessel's navigational lights, disappeared into darkness, taking with them the identity of Richard Castle.

* * *

_**A/N: More to come soon! Please read and review!**_


	3. Black Water

_**A/N: Okay, so here's the next update. A lot happens in this chapter. Let's just say that Castle get's across the border but things don't quite go as planned. I meant to have this chapter up yesterday in honor of our favorite weekly T.V. show, but I didn't make it. I wanted to tweak some things to make this chapter as good as it could be. I still can't believe how big of a response I got for this story. I mean...just wow. You guys are so awesome. I can't tell you how much it means to me as a writer. This is kind of a long chapter. Without further ado, I'll let you get to it. Please let me know what you think.**_

_****Feel free to give me ideas. I'm serious about that. I love finding ways to make the story more creative. However, I do draw the line at alien abduction. J/K :) Thanks again for all of the feedback! You guys are truly the best.**_

_**Title: Ask Me How Much I Love You**_

_**Chapter 3: Black Water**_

_**Disclaimer: Sadly the amazing show that is Castle does not belong to me, nor does Natan Fillion (as amazing as he his)!**_

_**Spoilers: A play on spoilers from Anatomy of a Murder. Kate tells Castle that she would break him out of prison. Castle sees this as a sign of Love.**_

_**Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)**_

* * *

Castle cringed as he dry heaved for the tenth time in the hour. His legs felt like jelly underneath him as he leaned over the railing of the small vessel. The large swells of the Atlantic pushed the vessel up and down in a nauseating rhythm that made Castle desperate to get back on solid ground. They were just in sight of the shoreline, and were trying to make good time in order to avoid a dangerous nor'easter that was encroaching on their space. Slightly dizzy, Castle straightened up, wiping his mouth on the back of his sleep. Luckily, there wasn't anything left in his stomach to throw up. Not really anyways. He turned as he felt a hand on his shoulder. With a nod and a thank you he accepted the bottle of water.

"Drink up, son," he said encouragingly, "You can probably use all of the hydration you can get."

"Yeah," Castle muttered before taking a swallow. The author in Castle found it very ironic that water, the very thing slipping between his lips, could cause him so much grief through other means. He had been sick for entire trip, and nothing seemed to help, even the seasickness patches that he had been provided with. It was just a fact, Castle and the Atlantic, or boats in general for that matter, just didn't get along. Castle looked to the older man, whose long scruffy hair was graying at the temples. "So how close are we exactly?"

"We're getting there," the older sea faring man replied, "We're heading northwest now. We should be docking in Portland within a few hours. Unfortunately, all of this weather has done nothing but slow us down." Castle nodded. He wrapped his arms around himself as a rather strong gust of wind ruffled his hair, and the cold cut into him like a knife. It was that time of year, when the air turned icy and became much more refined. His thoughts wandered back to New York, wondering how Kate and the others were preparing for the storm. Had they gotten any snow yet? Running his hand through his hair, Castle let out a sigh. How long would it be? How long would he have to be on the run and live a life that wasn't really his? He stared down into the deep blue, trying to distract himself with what he knew lie beneath the surface. The wildlife he'd already seen had taken his breath away. At one point during the trip he had seen a school of dolphins, cutting in and out of the surface as they fed.

"You should rest a little," the captain recommended, observing Castle's rather withdrawn behavior. "You look dead on your feet."

"Yeah," Castle replied, "Unfortunately, you can't really sleep when you're making a run for the bathroom every 15 minutes and puking your guts out." Castle didn't mean to sound cold. It's just that it was insanely difficult to act bubbly when you've just had your life ripped out right from under you. Luckily, the man was very sympathetic and didn't hold it against him.

"True," the old man replied with a smile. He signaled to the wheel. "You want to try steering for a few minutes?"

"Uh…" Castle looked around at the large swells and the vast horizon. They were truly alone out on the ocean and he was already uneasy enough to begin with. "Thanks but no thanks. I'll leave the logistics to you." Then he added. "I mean…if you want to live you won't let me anywhere near the helm."

"Well," the man smiled in a friendly manner, "I guess I'm revoking the offer then." Castle offered a smile in return before staring down into the water again.

"Look," the man swallowed, "I know I'm not supposed to ask a lot of questions, but are you okay?"

"You mean, besides the fact that I'm on a tiny vessel in the middle of the Atlantic?" Castle asked with raised eyebrows.

"Well," Louis smiled, "Clearly, you're in some serious trouble. Otherwise you would have bailed the first time we docked for gas."

"Believe me," Castle joked, "I wanted to. I just didn't have the option. It's really important that I get to Portland."

"So you are in trouble," Louis frowned.

"You could say that," Castle replied. "But I promise that I didn't do what it is that they think I did. They left me no choice but to run."

"And yet running makes you look all the more guilty," Louis pointed out.

"Yes," Castle nodded, "That's where the conundrum lies. Luckily, I have some very important people on my side." Castle tried not to let his pain and agony show in his expression but failed.

"You had to leave them behind?" Louis asked sadly.

"Yeah," Castle replied honestly, "As much as it killed me to do so." Castle let out another sigh, running hand over his face, which had aged years over the past few days. Deep lines around his eyes and mouth seemed to put a damper on his handsome features. His eyes were void of their usual brightness.

"It'll get better," Louis replied optimistically.

"Thanks," Castle said finally. "And thanks for doing this."

"No problem," the man and his light green eyes replied.

"I don't know how I can possibly pay you for this," Castle breathed.

"Oh that?" he asked looking up from the wheel. "That's already been taken care of."

"Seriously?" Castle asked. "How?"

"That's my little secret," Louis said cryptically. Castle felt his stomach lurch as they went over some particularly large swells. Louis saw as Castle started turning green.

"If you'll excuse me," Castle muttered, making a run below decks for the tiny bathroom. Hours later, Castle felt hands shake him gently as to awaken him. He hadn't even been aware that he had fallen asleep. All his dreams swirled together into what seemed like endless days at sea, though it had only been hours. Sweat pooled on his brow in the heated compartment of the ship as he slept on the small bunk in the captain's quarters.

"Mr. Castle," Louis whispered, "We're here."

"Wha?" Caslte muttered sleepily, rubbing his eyes.

"We've just docked. We're in Portland," Louis repeated. Castle nearly shot up out of bed as soon as the words started to sink in.

"How long have I been asleep?" Castle asked, throwing on a Shirt over his flushed skin. A shiver ran up his spine at the coolness of the fabric and he silently contemplated the possibilities of him having a fever.

"A few hours," Louis replied. "We just docked. You'll probably want to get a move on it because I saw some security guards poking around."

Castle started throwing things into his duffel bag in a disorderly fashion. He intended to get out of there as soon as he possibly could. Sweat dripped from his brow as he zipped the bag and slung it over his shoulder. He checked in the mirror, hardly recognizing himself due to the dark circles under his eyes and the beginnings of a beard that had grown over his face over the past couple days. He shook, Louis' hand, bidding him farewell before stepping off the stern and back onto dry land. He had never been so grateful to have solid ground beneath him again. The cool air bit at him in his t-shirt but he ignored it. His thoughts were elsewhere. Slowly, Castle pulled the crumpled paper out of his pocket and smoothed it out in his hand. Walking briskly, Castle walked through the marina, and onto the peripheral street behind it. With slow steps Castle walked over to a payphone and dug in his pocket for a quarter. He finally managed to pull one out between his fingers and slipped it into the receiver. He dialed the specified number, and then after being prompted, added an additional 4-digit number confirming his identity. After another prompt, Castle plugged in another 4-digit code that corresponded to the time. When he was satisfied, he hung the headset back on its cradle and hurried off into the night. Along a well-lit street, Castle paused enough to throw on a hooded sweatshirt. He pulled up the hood around his face, hoping to obstruct a direct view of his features and continued walking. After what seemed like a few blocks, Castle made a right, hoping to grab a taxi. With some luck, he managed to hail one and slipped into the back seat.

"2386 Olivander St," Castle told the cabbie, sitting back in the seat. The cabbie shot him an anxious look and Castle turned to look out the window. In silence, he observed the feel of the city. It was strange to be somewhere so foreign to him. Castle felt quite anxious as well as he checked his watch again.

"26.14," the cabbie said as he pulled up to a nondescript bar in the slums of the city.

Hopefully, she would be there. Castle wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans before rifling though his money and giving the cabbie a twenty and a ten.

"Thanks. Keep the change," Castle said simply sliding out of the cab with his bag. As soon as the door was slammed shut, the yellow cab sped off into the night, leaving Castle standing on the curb. Castle looked around before, walking for the door. He entered to the sounds of music and looked around. Several pool tables took up the back of the pool hall. Castle swallowed as a tall blonde woman knocked in two stripes at once, much to the displeasure of whoever it was that she was playing. Castle approached a booth within earshot and slid into it. It wasn't more than a couple minutes later that a beer was slid in front of him. He pulled some cash to pay for it when the waiter waved his hand.

"It's already been paid for." Castle frowned watching the man walk away. He closed his eyes, running a hand over his jaw. When he opened them he reached out and lifted the mug to his lips, taking a long sip. He was staring into the table when someone slid onto the bench across from him. Castle looked up slowly, his expression impassive. His resolve slightly wavered as his eyes met the familiar ones of an old friend.

"You're looking a little green there, Castle," Shaw spoke in a low drawl. "Need a little pick me up?"

"This beer is fine. Thanks," Castle replied. "It's been a while. How are you?"

"Good," Shaw replied her own expression unreadable. "You ready to go?"

"Already?" Castle asked tiredly.

"Unfortunately," Shaw nearly whispered, "A little piece of advice. When you're on the run, you're on the run."

"Duly noted," Castle replied.

"Okay, so here's how it's going to work," Shaw said simply. "I'm going to go out back. You're going to follow me in five minutes." Castle nodded, watching her get up. He gingerly sipped his beer for the next five minutes. He felt his heart drop into his throat as he noticed a rather attractive woman enter the bar. The problem? She was wearing a officer's uniform. Castle tried to keep cool as he looked down at his watch again. He felt eyes on him as she scanned the room. He sat up a little straighter, sliding his beer away from him. Slowly he got up, leaving a couple ones on the table for a tip before walking for the bathrooms in the back. By the time he was out in the night air his heart was pounding. He walked up to the black SUV and jumped into the back. He closed his eyes as Shaw started driving to somewhere out in the country. He groaned as he shifted awake to find a kink in his neck. They were pulling up to a storage unit in the middle of nowhere. Shaw led him to a door. When he opened the door, he blinked a few times. It was like a small artillery and a dressing room all put into one.

"What the…" Castle swallowed.

"Inside, Castle," Shaw pushed him in. "We don't have all day."

"Leo!" Shaw called into the darkness. Castle jumped when a man appeared. "We need to get to work." Castle was pushed down into a chair. His heart began to pound as he went into sensory overload. He looked over his shoulder as the man turned on the razor. His eyes widened a little as he took in the man's appearance. The guy definitely looked a little rough around the edges. It was as if he didn't belong. He had short spiky hair and tattoes on his arms and neck. He was a little too intimidating for Castle's liking.

"Wait…are you going to do what I think you're going to do?" Castle's mouth suddenly went dry.

"Sorry, man," Leo replied, "But you know how it works. New identity. New look."

"But my hair!" Castle ran his hand through it. "You can't shave off all of my hair."

"No worries," he replied, "We won't take all of it."

"Man," Castle groaned as if he was physically in pain as the first tufts of hair fell from his head. "I liked it the way it looked. It was suave!" Castle squeezed his eyes shut until it was over. He opened them, and cringed.

"It's really not that bad," Shaw reassured him. "You're supposed to be a convict in transfer. You have to look like one." Shaw handed him a case, and he flicked it open.

"Contacts?" Castle said in confusion.

"To change the color of your eyes." She cleared her throat, "You see, your eyes are very distinctive. It's better this way." Castle put one on his forefinger, and pressed it over his cornea, changing his eyes from a very vivid blue to a dark (practically black) brown. He looked like a completely different person.

"All right, buddy," Leo said finally, "You're going to need to take off your shirt."

"What?" Castle's voice was a bit higher than usual.

"I have to lay down some serious ink," Leo said quickly.

"Wait a minute," Castle said rather uncomfortably, "You want to give me a tattoo?" Castle swallowed, "Look, man. Let me tell you something. I don't do needles."

"No needles. I promise. It's just airbrush," Leo said calmly, pulling out his supplies. "They're only temporary, but with my talent I can make it look real."

"Seriously?" Castle was impressed.

"Yes," Leo replied in good humor. "Now umm…your shirt? Please?" Castle didn't need to be told twice. He watched in fascination as Leo laid out some intricate patterns across Castle's arms and shoulders, it was downright impressive. By the time Leo was done, Castle decided that Leo should be an artist.

By the time, Leo was finished Castle looked like a completely different person. He looked in the mirror and just stared. It's an overwhelming feeling to look at yourself in the mirror and not know who you are. For Castle, things only seemed to get more and more surreal.

"All right Castle," Shaw said calmly. "Your new name is Peter Hollister. You're 37. You're doing time for the Rape of a young girl named Lauren DeGraw. And I am transporting you to Hartsville, Ontario."

"You're making me a rapist?" Castle grumbled. "I resent that. Why couldn't I be a arsonist, or a grand larcenist?"

"It's just to get you across the border, Castle," Shaw said, lightly tapping him on the shoulder. "Once you're across it's a whole other ball game." She handed him a folder. "You're name once you're in Canada will be Jeremy Halloway. I've transferred some of your money into this private account to get you started. You're free to head anywhere you wish, of course, but please try to keep to the same name so that I can find you."

"Wow," Castle spoke, "It's a good thing I've trained myself to be a speedy reader. This is a lot to remember."

"You'll do fine," Shaw reassured him. "But we've got to move. I have an appointment with U.S. and Canadian Customs to weasel you across." Shaw pulled out a pair of reinforced chains and handcuffs. "This is the not so fun part."

"You can't tell me that part of you doesn't enjoy the idea of putting me in chains," Castle joked as she walked with him to the car outside. Castle sat down in the back seat of the black SVU, which was tagged with a yellow U.S. Marshall tag. Castle looked into Shaw's eyes for a long moment, searching for some sort of reply.

"If you must know, you should know that I'm hating every moment of this," Jordan replied honestly. "I like to think of you as a friend, Castle. I think it's unfortunate that this is how we had to meet again, but I intend to make the best of it. I know how much it means to Kate."

"Have you talked to her?" Castle asked.

"Briefly," Jordan replied, fastening the cuffs around Castle's wrists. "I had to be careful. Naturally, the bureau is watching them like hawks."

"If she gets in trouble because of me..." Castle shook his head wearily, leaving the thought incomplete.

"She's a big girl," Shaw said, helping Castle pull in his legs. She shut the door, sealing him in. She was in the front seat. He leaned back in the seat as they sped off into the night.

Castle stared out the window into the darkness. For a long time, Shaw drove in silence. He looked ahead through the reinforced barrier between them as he heard her speak.

"So…" She let the word drawl out for a bit, "Did you two lovebirds finally wise up and end the suffering?"

"You knew?" Castle's voice was rough as he asked. He couldn't hide his surprise very well.

"Oh come on, Castle," Shaw said softly, "You were like a little puppy always following her around. You're a smart man. You really mean to tell me that you never told her?"

"Not until it was too late," Castle replied. Shaw gave him a look through the rearview mirror. "Don't look at me like that!" Castle said rather defensively. "There was another guy. A detective…and by all means the man was perfect. There was no way that I could compete with him. I still have no idea what really happened." Castle swallowed. "I made the grand gesture. I did. I asked her to go to the Hamptons with me."

"The Hamptons?" Shaw's brow rose on her forehead. "She said no to the Hamptons?"

"My thoughts exactly," Castle said boldly.

"Okay…so it's been years since I saw you," Shaw prodded, "What happened then?"

"I don't know," Castle sighed, "We fell back into what we always were. She did her job and I followed her around. We purposely avoided that topic." Castle swallowed. "A couple years ago, Kate started dating a doctor. He was a cardiac-surgeon, and so I really couldn't compete with that either." Castle shook his head. "Then, I'm sure you know that she was shot."

"Yeah," Shaw admitted uneasily. "I heard about it shortly after it happened. I was pulling for her the whole time." Castle nodded.

"I told her I loved her that day, right after it happened, but I don't think she remembered." Castle sighed, tugging at his chains. He wanted to run his hand over his neck, but didn't have enough slack to do it. He settled for running his hands over his kneecaps instead. "It didn't matter," he admitted. "Again, the timing was all wrong." He paused. "When she came back, there was always something else to think about. There was some dangerous cases and we did all we could to press onwards."

"She still dating the doctor then?" Shaw asked, trying not to pry too much. She just couldn't happen. She'd been pulling for Rick and Kate ever since she'd met them.

"No," Castle replied happily, "Thankfully not. She told me they broke up a few months ago. They decided that things just weren't working out. Personally, I think I might have been the cause, but I just don't know. She never really told me why they broke up exactly."

"But you couldn't do anything about it because you were already being accused of murder," Shaw hedged.

"Exactly," Castle swallowed, happy that Shaw seemed to understand the situation perfectly.

"God, you two are like two immature teenagers," Shaw groaned. "You should have jumped each other years ago, in my opinion, but now you're stuck in the proverbial friendship stage. You're the awkward boy who loves her cause she's safe. And you're the bad boy that she can't let herself fall for out for fear that she'll get hurt."

"Pretty much," Castle agreed. "Hey, I'm not going to pretend I'm something I'm not. I have an awful track record involving relationships. And now I'm a convict. I still have absolutely no idea how Alexis turned out as amazing is she is…and she found love sooner than I did."

"So does Beckett know how you feel?" Shaw asked. "Because I'll tell you something, Rick. it's not everyday that I get someone begging me to help smuggle their significant other across the border. She must really care about you."

"She knows," Castle breathed, raking a hand over his buzz cut. "But what does it matter now? I have to disappear, and by the time I can reappear she'll have found someone better." Castle looked out the window again as he swallowed. "I suppose she deserved better than me from the beginning anyways. It's why I stepped aside when Demming came around because he's twice the man I ever was."

"You're selling yourself short there Castle," Shaw said with a teasing smile.

"Was that actually a compliment?" Castle asked rather dumbfounded. "Or are you just messing with me?"

"You tell anyone I said that and I'll just deny it," Jordan said with a low chuckle. Castle couldn't fight the twitching of his lips as a smile fought its way onto his hardened features.

"You're not so bad yourself, you know," Castle said finally.

* * *

The two fell into a comfortable silence over the next few hours. The sun was making its appearance on the horizon as they neared the border. Castle started to feel nervous as they were waived off to the side. Several officers walked up to the car. Jordan calmly handed over the paperwork, completely unruffled by the commotion. She handed over her ID.

"Agent Sophia Dawson with the U.S. Marshall's office," Jordan spoke evenly. "I'm here to deliver a prisoner the Canadian police requested during an extradition hearing."

"What's the name of the prisoner?" one of the officers asked as he scanned over the paperwork.

"Peter Hollister," Shaw replied off-handedly.

"Okay," he nodded, "Well, you guys sit tight. I'm going to go run this paperwork through. I'll be back in a couple of minutes." Shaw nodded, starting to feel a little jittery herself.

"Is that normal?" Castle asked as quietly as possible careful not to make his lips move as he spoke.

"Common procedure," Jordan said just as elusively. Castle nodded and swallowed, sitting tight in the back. The minutes ticked by. Castle's heart was pounding and he felt like crawling out of his skin. They were so close… Just yards from the border. His freedom was so close he could almost taste it. Minutes passed and the two sat there in nervous silence. And then, as the officer stepped up the window it went to hell in a hand basket.

"Could you step out of the car please?" the officer asked, his hand on his hip where his firearm was holstered.

"I'm sorry," Jordan spoke slowly, "Is there a problem?"

"Would you please step out of the car?" the officer repeated himself. "And get your hands up where I can see them." One look of Shaw's eyes in the rearview mirror told him all that he needed to know. Before he had any chance to process what was going on, Shaw made the most logical choice. Her movements were lightning quick. She opened the door forcefully into the agent while her other hand shifted into gear. Castle heard the engine protest as she slammed her foot down on the gas.

"Get down, Castle!" Jordan yelled as all hell broke loose. The car whined and protested as she drove through one barrier and then another, into Canadian territory. Bullets were fired from all directions, and so naturally he slumped down as far as he could. His stomach bottomed out as he heard the sirens behind them. Slowly he inched his head up, looking over the seats in front of him.

"What the hell just happened?" Castle spoke rather breathlessly.

"Hell if I know," Jordan said with a clenched jaw. "Avery must not have been able to manipulate the documents from the other end." Jordan took a deep breath, then said what exactly what was on Castle's mind. "Shit."

"Shit is right," Castle groaned. "What are we going to do?"

"We're going to have to run," Shaw said simply. "So get ready." Castle watched Jordan's determined demeanor as she drove expertly through highway traffic.

"Umm…Jordan," Castle held up his hands, which were still in cuffs. "I don't think I can run very far this way."

"Crap," Jordan breathed, "Sorry. I'm getting distracted already. You're right." She started rifling through things in the front seat, sliding the barrier open with one hand. "Here. You're going to have to get them off yourself. I'm kind of busy up here." Castle nearly stopped breathing as she dropped the key and he almost missed it. If he dropped it onto the floor there was no way he was getting it back. Castle's breathing became shallow, and as much as he tried to calm his nerves, he couldn't. He fumbled with one lock on the handcuffs and then another. So this was what it was like to have someone breathing down your neck. Castle grunted as Shaw made an extremely tight turn and tires skidded on pavement. He could practically smell the burning rubber.

"There's a safe house about 5 miles from here," Jordan said finally. She tossed a GPS into the back. It landed on the seat next to Castle. "We're going to have to split up. Once we hit the water, you'll have a few minutes head start. Follow the beacon and wait for me there."

"What?" Castle's voice was much higher than normal.

"We're splitting up," Jordan said simply. "It's our only chance." Then she added. "And for God sakes Castle run like there are dogs at your heels. We've broken federal law and you're a fugitive. They won't hesitate to shoot you."

"How will you find the safe house?" Castle asked quickly. "And won't the feds know about it?"

"Yes," Shaw replied, "But they won't have any reason to believe we'd go there of all places. Trust me on this. It's our best shot."

"Damn it, Jordan," Castle swore as he fumbled with the second lock. "I'm so sorry. Now they'll know that you helped me. There were about a million cameras at customs."

"I knocked them out with my handy dandy little EMP," Jordan held up a device victoriously from the front seat. "I knew this thing would come in handy."

"Get ready, Castle," Jordan said seriously, "We're nearly there."

"Wait…" Castle spoke, unable to hide his panic. "I don't have my legs free and these chains weight a ton. If I don't get them off before we hit the water, I'll drown."

"I can not wait," Jordan said emphatically. "Castle, get those damned chains off because I swear to you that I can't buy any more time. You hear me?"

"Yes," Castle hunched over, trying to undo the shackles around his feet. Castle's stomach lurched as Shaw accelerated. They were seconds away now. His heart stopped in his chest as they smashed through a railing and they started falling. It was over in an instant. He was slammed back against the seat. The windshield shattered under the force, and icy cold water started gushing in. His hand twisted in the lock as he fought the force pushing him down and under the water. He took a large gasp of air as hundreds of tiny knives stuck his skin at the same time. He closed his eyes and opened them. He swore as he fudged the last lock, losing him valuable time. His eyes searched for Jordan. They were sinking, into deeper and darker water. It was practically black. Castle's lungs started screaming at him as he loosened the last shackle. He began pulling at the chain erratically, desperate to be free. He was going to drown. He knew it. He was already running out of precious oxygen. And if he didn't drown then surely he would freeze to death in this water. With slight relief, Castle managed to free himself. He reached for the GPS Jordan had tossed in the back seat, only to find it missing.

"Shit," Castle yelled, though the sound was lost to small air bubbles in the deep water. Castle started groping for it. He silently prayed to find it. He grasped it and clipped it to his pants. After turning around he was confronted by the glass barrier between him and the outside. Luckily, the pressure had to have equalized by then. The car was almost completely full of water. Castle swam to the back, stealing one last breath of air before he tried the door. Again he was blocked. He forgot that U.S. Marshall's vehicles locked from the outside, much like child locks on regular cars. Looking to the headrest beside him. He yanked it out of the seat, and with all the force he could muster he slammed the metal point against the glass, breaking it. With a hand on each side of the door, Castle, launched himself out of the car. Suddenly, he had an idea. He couldn't possibly surface so close to the vehicle, but he had no air left. He turned to the rear tire, unscrewed the cap and began to breathe the air from the tire. He got his lungs as full as he possibly could and kicked and swam for as far as he possibly could before heading for the surface.

After what seemed like an eternity, his head broke the surface of the water. With a gasp, his lungs happily raked in the fresh air. He turned back to see the police swarming around where the car had hit the water. He crawled onto the opposite shore, his arms and legs trembling. He silently wondered how in the hell he was going to run 5 miles. He tried to use the adrenaline in his body as he continued to crawl back into the cover of the trees. He gave himself a little pep talk as he got to his feet. His tennis shoes squished as the water in them settled between his toes. God, he was freezing. So this is what hell felt like. Castle gritted his jaw tightly and then just started running. He ran as if his life depended on it.

Two things echoed in Castle's mind back and forth as he ran. "Breath in. Breath out." He ran until his lungs felt like they were on fire. He ran until his legs gave out under him and he was sent rolling down a rather steep hill all the way to the bottom where he lay just staring up blankly at the sky.

* * *

_**So that was the next chapter. I'm sorry to leave it there, but that's really the best place I could think to leave it. You'll have to come back if you want to know what happens next. Please read and review! I'm thinking of posting another chapter to show what is going on back in New York. Let me know if that sounds good to you all!**_


	4. Wait

**_A/N: Okay, so please let me say that it's been forever since I last updated and I am really sorry that it's taken me so long to do so. First of all, I'd like to thank you all for your wonderful comments and support. I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to write something different and have it be so well received. Unfortunately I haven't been able to update this story as nearly as I'd like because of other responsibilities that I have. If you've been wondering why it's taken me so long, it is mainly because school started up again, and I have just been buried under tons of reading and homework. In the last couple of weeks I've realized that one thing you shouldn't do if you ever want to have any free time, is take two lab sciences at once. With that being said, I want to make it clear that I fully intend to keep on going with this story. It just may take me longer than what is typical to update, but I promise that I will give it my best effort. I've been slowly chugging away at this chapter in-between classes, and I will continue to do so. And so...since you've waited so patiently...your reward is below! Happy reading everyone!_**

_**Title: Ask Me How Much I Love You**_

_**Chapter 4: Wait...**_

_**Disclaimer: Sadly the amazing show that is Castle does not belong to me, nor does Natan Fillion (as amazing as he his)!**_

_**Spoilers: A play on spoilers from Anatomy of a Murder. Kate tells Castle that she would break him out of prison. Castle has already come to a revelation that this gesture is a sign of the purest love.**_

_**Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)**_

* * *

(Castle's POV)

Minutes passed, and a very exhausted Castle fell into an uneasy sleep, covered under a thin layer of blanket of dirt and leaves. The cold raked his body with violent shivers as he was seemingly catapulted from one nightmare to the next. They were all very vivid and even though he tried to wake, he went through them all, never fully able to grasp onto consciousness. Finally, when the cold became too much, Castle jolted awake, his teeth chattering uncontrollably. He coughed, as he sat up, his ribs throbbing at his side with every movement. He listened carefully to the silence around him, trying to make sense of his surroundings. The sun was already dipping in the sky, causing Castle to curse under his breath. He was still miles away from where he needed to be and he had no chance of navigating his way through the dark. He could imagine that Jordan would be worried about him. Slowly he stood up, wrapping his arms around himself. It was brutally cold. And even though, Castle was still exhausted, he knew the best way to keep himself from freezing to death would be to keep moving. Slowly he pulled the GPS from his belt and hit the power switch. He held his breath as he waited for it to turn on. He feared that the water might have ruined the instrument. Luckily, with a beep it turned on. He watched the display. Jordan must have plugged in the coordinates before hand. With a small ping, the compass pointed him in a single direction. Castle took a deep breath and started moving.

* * *

(Jordan's POV)

Jordan Shaw was completely used to working under pressure. She was good at adapting to less than optimum situations when it was warranted. After all, she could get inside the head of some of the worst scum imaginable and she could figure out what they were going to do before they even decided their next course of action. More importantly, she could hold her own when she was tied to a chair, and had a gun was pressing into her temple. She had cheek, wit, bravery, and perseverance to aid her. Needless to say, there were many situations that she was able to get herself out of. This one, however, this was not one of them.

She found herself pacing anxiously back and forth, peaking through the blinds as the sun fell through the sky. She had no idea what to do. Castle could be anywhere, lying in the dirt. He could be injured. There was even the possibility that he hadn't made it out of the back of the SUV. Jordan couldn't wait any longer. It was time to make the call.

* * *

(Kate's POV)

A shiver ran up Kate's spine as she walked briskly into the alley behind Castle's apartment. Quickly she moved for the fire escape at a near run. With each deep breath, moisture was expelled from her lungs and into the cold air. With her coat wrapped tightly around her shoulders, Kate jumped upwards, her strong muscular calves catapulting her high into the air. Using gloved hands, she grasped and pulled down the ladder towards the ground. She held her breath as the rusty metal squeaked. Then made quick work of climbing up, her black duffel draped over her shoulder. Slowly, she scaled the fire escape, climbing quickly to the fourth floor. She tapped on the window with her knuckles, rattling the pane of glass. Before Kate could knock again, the window slid open and Kate clambered into Alexis' bedroom.

"Hey," Kate pulled Alexis into a tight hug.

"Hey," Alexis breathed into Kate's shoulder. "I'm glad you're safe."

"Thanks," Kate spoke as she released the young red head. "I am too."

"How is he?" Alexis spoke anxiously, as she pulled the strap of the duffel over Kate's head effectively relieving her of the bag. Kate slipped off her gloves, stuffing them into one of the pockets as Alexis set it down on the floor.

"Well," Kate looked at her watch. "He should be well on his way to Portland by now," Kate breathed. "He looked fine, Alexis." Kate saw tears well in the young girl's eyes. "He kept asking about you. He wanted me to make sure to tell that you he loves you, and that as soon as this is all over, he'll be home."

Alexis nodded, wiping her eyes with the backs of her hand, as Kate pulled her in for another embrace. "Thank you," Alexis whispered in a soft cry as Kate wrapped her arms tightly around the young girl she had grown to love so much over the past few years. "Thank you for everything."

"I just wish I could make it all go away," Kate breathed honestly. Alexis nodded against Kate, holding her tighter still. The detective winced as her side was jostled slightly in the embrace.

"You okay?" Alexis asked in concern as she pulled away, noticing the way Kate's jaw was locked tightly.

"Yeah," Kate nodded, "It's nothing. Just a scratch."

"You sure you're okay?" Alexis asked, knowing Kate would downplay any of her greater injuries.

"Fine," Kate replied. Alexis opened her mouth in a rebuttal, but Kate beat her to it. "Promise," she added. Alexis, giving up on the matter merely nodded.

"Alright," Kate said quickly, "Well I should probably go change. My guess is that you'll have some company within the next few minutes."

"Did anyone seem to notice you?" Alexis asked softly.

"No," Kate replied. "I was careful to make sure I wasn't seen." Alexis nodded. Kate grabbed the necessary clothes and headed for the bathroom. Quickly she changed into a casual looking outfit, a pair of tight faded jeans and a sweater. She walked quickly back to Alexis' room, stuffing the black outfit she had been wearing into the main pocket.

"We should probably get rid of this," Alexis spoke as she picked up the bag. "Just in case." Kate nodded. Together they walked for the study, where they knew they would be able to hide it easily. Carefully, they pushed aside one of the bookcases and opened up the wall paneling. Inside was a panic room that didn't show up on the floor plan of the apartment. Castle had no real use for it, but the child in him wanted to have one anyways. And so there it was, the perfect hiding place. Even the most observant intruder could look over the entire room inch by inch and still miss the crack in the paneling around the walls.

"Did anyone call while I was gone?" Kate asked anxiously.

"Nope. Everything went as we planned it. Grams made the calls from your phone at the specified times." Alexis paused, reaching into her pocket. "Which reminds me. You would probably like your phone back, wouldn't you?" Alexis held out the small razor and Kate accepted the item gratefully..." Alexis took the moment to continue. "Now that you're here, everything should be easy. As far as any of us are concerned, you've been here for the last few hours, and there is no way that anyone can prove otherwise."

"Good. That's just what I needed to hear," Kate smiled as Alexis resealed the paneling. With a grunt, the two of them restored the bookcase to its original place. They were careful to rid the rug it slid over of scuffmarks. "It's nice to have things actually work out for once. Especially when there were so many ways in which things could have gone wrong." Shoulder to shoulder, Kate and Alexis hurried downstairs to the couch where a movie had been paused. Popcorn sat in a bowl by the couch along with drinks. Martha walked quickly into the room. Again, Kate was pulled into a tight hug, as Martha thanked her over and over again for her help. They all knew how big of a risk they had taken in trying to assure Castle's freedom. Together they all sat down on the couch, starting the movie. Minutes ticked by as Kate watched the classic romantic tale of Beauty and the Beast. In no time at all, Alexis fell asleep on Kate's shoulder. Kate felt her heart speed up a little in her chest. She would have been lying if she said that moments like this didn't make her wish to be a true part of Castle's family. Over the years, she had slowly become a part of their family, but still, she had nothing to bond them together other than friendship. Kate jumped a little as a knock sounded at the door.

Kate exchanged a knowing look with Martha. This had to be it. Martha nodded and stood, heading for the door, Kate stayed in place, her senses heightened dramatically.

Martha padded for the door, glancing quickly through the peephole. The red head swallowed as her eyes confirmed what she already knew. Without delay, Martha unbolted the locks and opened the door.

"Hello, officers," Martha greeted in as friendly a way as possible, "What can I do for you this evening?"

"Mrs. Rodgers?" one of the officers stepped forwards, "I'm detective Brooks. This is detective Hendricks. We're here to talk to you about your son, Richard Alexander Rodgers." Martha found herself playing the role of her life, as she made a point of looking uneasy.

"What about Richard?" Martha asked. "Is everything alright?"

"Ma'am," the younger officer cleared his throat. "When your son was on his way to sentencing, his transport was intercepted by an unknown party. We're not sure who is behind it, or why he was taken, but we want you to know that we're working on it."

"He was what?" Martha said incredulously, playing the part of the distraught mother quite well. After all, acting was her life's work.

"We were wondering if you knew of anyone who may wish him harm?" Detective Brooks asked.

"N…No," Martha shook her head, "No one would hurt my Rick. Everyone loves him." Kate stood up carefully, laying Alexis back down on the couch.

"Martha?" Kate asked worriedly, playing a part of her own. "Is everything okay?"

"They're saying that Rick is missing," Martha choked out. "He was in their custody. They were supposed to take care of him." Kate wrapped her arms around Martha as the older woman let lose and fake tears started streaming down her face.

"Shh…" Kate soothed, "I'm sure he's fine, Martha. They'll find him."

"Who are you?" Detective Hendricks asked as he looked Kate up and down. He let his eyes linger deliberately on two specific parts of her body. Kate had to push down the desire to hit the man.

"Okay. First of all, I'm going to pretend that you weren't just extremely disrespectful just now," Kate bit out as she pulled her shield from where it was clipped on her belt. "Second of all, if you must know, my name is Kate Beckett. I am a homicide detective of the NYPD and a _very_ close friend of the family."

"Kate Beckett," one of the men repeated thoughtfully, as he searched his brain for recognition. Kate watched as the thought finally dawned on their faces. "Wait a minute, you're the one he was shadowing for that book series!"

"You're damned right I am," Kate replied, "And let me tell you, it's been the longest three years of my life…" Kate let her voice trail off as she realized they were getting bored. She silently decided that it would probably be better to just cut to the chase. "Now can I help you two officers, or can you leave us in peace?"

"Actually, we would like to ask you a few questions," Detective Brooks said, taking a step forwards, as he tried to push his way slightly inside the doorway so that they couldn't shut they couldn't shut the door on them just yet. "Would you be willing to come down to the station with us?"

"Who?" Kate asked rather incredulously, her eyes flashing, "You mean me?" The question had a bit of an underlying challenge to it. And she could only hope that her body language was as intimidating as she could make it. Unfortunately, the detectives weren't easily blocked. Seemingly unaware of who they were up against, the detectives nodded. Kate didn't even waste a breath before she replied. "Oh, hell no. You seem to be forgetting that I'm a cop, boys. I know my rights and I'm not going anywhere with you. I've done nothing wrong."

"Really," the shorter of the two replied, "Then why aren't you willing to cooperate."

"I'll answer whatever questions you want me to right here, but I am not going anywhere with you," Kate said icily.

"Fine," Brooks said in a huff, "So where were you tonight?"

"You're kidding right?" Kate asked, looking around. "Where does it look like I've been?"

"Oh. So you're staying here," Detective Brooks spoke lamely, while sounding displeased. She watched as he opened up his notepad, and started scribbling something down. "Isn't that a bit peculiar?"

"If you must know, then yes," Kate replied, "You may see it as a conflict of interest, but I promised Castle that I would take care of his family. I've been staying here since he was convicted in court on Thursday."

"And you haven't gone anywhere today?" Hendricks asked impatiently, tapping his foot. "Why do I find that hard to believe?"

"Hey," Kate already was starting to despise the men in front of her, finding them little more than arrogant and cold. "I'm not saying that I haven't gone anywhere. I just told you that I was staying here."

"Okay then," Brooks cut in, "So how about you stop beating around the bush and tell us if you went anywhere today."

"Yes," Kate nodded, "I went somewhere. I went to the store."

"When?" he asked quickly. Kate looked at her watch, taking her sweet time to reply. She was secretly enjoying this, of course. Finally, she looked up.

"Around 2'o clock." Brooks wrote it down.

"And you haven't gone anywhere since?"

"Nope," Kate stepped back, allowing them to see the television and the couch. "We've been watching movies." Kate watched as Detective Brooks' brow furrowed in displeasure, obviously not happy they couldn't find a reason to remove Kate from the apartment and drag her down to the station. She could tell that they were already gunning for her as their next target.

"I'll back that statement," Martha piped up. "She's been here all night."

"Fine," Hendricks muttered finally, tugging on Brooks' sleeve. "I guess that's it for now. You can count on us checking your alibi. If you left to go anywhere we'll find out about it. Surveillance tapes never lie."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you," Kate replied honestly. "Now you two have a good night." She saw something flash through their eyes as she, with her intimidating body language ushered them out the door, shutting it in their faces. She knew that she had to be careful, but couldn't hold back her contempt for officers of the NYPD at the moment. As soon as the door was shut, Kate slid the locks in place and leant back against the door, expelling a deep tense breath.

"Well, I doubt that could gave gone any worse than it did," Kate spoke aloud. "Sorry, Martha. I just couldn't help myself. Can you believe those guys?" Kate huffed. "They honestly thought I wouldn't know what they were trying to do? I'm a detective, I've pulled every trick in the book, starting with intimidation tactics..."

"Well," Martha breathed, "At least we're in the clear for now." Kate nodded. Martha took a long look at the exhausted looking detective. "Oh Kate, you look like you could use some sleep. The spare room upstairs is all set up for you."

"Thanks, Martha," Kate smiled gratefully. "I really appreciate it."

"Anything for you, dear," Martha replied brushing Kate's cheek with her palm. "You're practically family, and in case you hadn't noticed, you've captured my son's heart." Kate smiled. Slowly, she walked back over to the couch. Alexis shifted in her sleep, whimpering slightly. Kate knelt down to wake her, but stopped when Martha put a hand on her shoulder.

"Let her sleep," Martha whispered, "She hasn't been sleeping much since this whole thing started." Kate swallowed painfully, brushing some strands of hair from over Alexis' eyes.

"I'll bring her upstairs," Kate said softly as she slipped her arms under the girl and lifted her up. Carefully, Kate carried her upstairs ignoring the shooting pain in her lower torso. Alexis absentmindedly wrapped an arm around Kate's neck, murmuring something into her shoulder that broke Kate's heart. The girl needed her father, and Kate could only hope that she wouldn't have to wait very long.

Alexis was supposed to be in the prime of her life. She had a bright future ahead of her, a boyfriend she loved, and more importantly, a father who always supported her. However, over the last few months, it had all been pulled out from under Alexis' own feet. The girl, who would do anything for her father, had pulled out of her first semester at Stanford as the chaos broke out back in the city. Alexis was trying to show her support for him, to make sure that he didn't feel alone, but in doing so she had paid a hefty price. Now Alexis was attending a community college, determined not to lose too much time. Kate could see the girl was unhappy, perhaps even in the midst of deep depression, and yet Alexis always forced a smile when she was around.

After Alexis, was snug under her covers, Kate walked out of the girl's room and shut the door. Kate let out a deep defeated sigh, wondering where Castle was at that very moment. She didn't know how they were going to get through it, but somehow, they had to. Numbly, Kate headed for the guest bedroom, which she pleasantly remembered was complete with a guest bath. She had stayed with Castle for an extended period after her apartment went up in a rather large fireball, and had fallen in love with the tub in Castle's guest bathroom. It was one of those victorian style tubs, that was nice and deep. Kate walked into the bathroom, anxious to take a nice long soak in the bathtub. After shutting the door, Kate walked over to the tub. She bent down, pushing down the stopper in the drain before turning on the tap. In no time at all, scalding hot water filled the tub. Slowly, Kate reached down to the hem of her shirt and pulled it slowly upwards, wincing at the pain in her midsection. Reaching behind her back, she unclasped her bra and let it slide down her arms, where she let it fall to the floor. Her jeans soon followed, falling into a pool at her feet. Kate stepped out of them. Rather unceremoniously, she slipped off her underwear and chucked them over into the small pile of clothes lying unceremoniously on the floor. Gingerly, Kate ran her fingers over the bandage covering her torso and she carefully started to peel back the medical tape. Kate squeezed her eyes shut, and gritted her teeth together. Finally, she opened her eyes, and stepped into the tub. Slowly, she lowered herself down into the water, feeling her muscles react to the warm water. With a sigh, Kate leant back into the water, closing her eyes. She hadn't even realized she had dozed off until a soft knock sounded at the door.

"Kate," Martha asked worriedly, "Are you all right in there, dear?" Kate groaned, the water swishing around the tub as she pushed herself upwards. A sharp pain in her abdomen had her moaning again. 'Kate?"

Kate pulled herself up, using her holds on either side of the tub as leverage. Carefully, she straightened up, stepping slowly out of the tub. She reached over for a towel, wrapping it around her and quickly padded for the door, opening it a crack.

"I'm fine," Kate reassured her. "Just fell asleep in the tub." Kate shifted a little and winced again. The pain in her side seemed to be getting worse. She pushed her hand over midsection, breathing shallowly.

"You sure?" Martha prodded, noting Kate's pale expression, "You look like you're not feeling very well."

"I uh…" Kate bit down on her lip, "I'm just a little tired…really." Kate took a deep breath and squeezed her eyes shut as she attempted to just swallow her pride and accept Martha's offer to help. Finally, she looked into Martha's eyes and asked, "Do you umm…do you have any bandages and some anti-biotic ointment?"

"Are you hurt, dear?" Martha asked, pushing the door open a little more.

"It's just a scratch," Kate lied.

"Okay. Yeah, we should have some in the master bathroom. I'll be right back," Martha spoke as she hurried away. In the meantime, Kate managed to dress in some pajamas. Martha walked back into the room, loaded with medical supplies. Lucky for Kate, Castle was somewhat accident prone, and so he had a whole cache of medical supplies. "Okay. Let's see it," Martha said finally as she ushered Kate back into the bathroom, and had Kate sit down on a stool.

"I can do it myself," Kate spoke uneasily, not sure how bad it looked.

"Nonsense," Martha dismissed Kate's protest immediately, "Let me help." Kate swallowed over the dryness in her throat and pulled up her tank slowly, exposing the angry red line running across her side. Kate tried not to wince as Martha gasped. "Oh, Kate," Martha whined as she ripped open some bandages and uncapped a bottle of disinfectant.

"It looks worse than it feels," Kate tried to reassure her. Only Kate knew she wasn't fooling anyone.

"What happened?" Martha asked as she carefully started cleaning the gruesome looking disruption of what would be otherwise flawless skin.

"A bullet got a little up close and personal with my side," Kate muttered, her breath hitching as the disinfectant met open skin. It stung like you wouldn't believe. "Ouch," Kate hissed, her hands balling into tight fists to combat the pain.

"You were lucky," Martha spoke. "I'm not sure how to do this," she admitted, "It's still bleeding. I think you might need stitches."

"Really?" Kate grimaced.

"Yeah," Martha frowned. "It's pretty deep."

"Great," Kate groaned. "I'd call Lanie, but I'm not sure if she could make it up here with raising suspicion."

"So what do you want to do?" Martha inquired.

"Uh…" Kate swallowed, mumbling to herself under her own breath. "As if things couldn't get any worse…."

"Hmm?" Martha replied, looking confused.

"Uhh… Sorry. Can you grab my phone out of the bedroom for me?" Kate asked, quietly, "I think it's on the dresser."

"Sure," Martha replied, moving from the room. In hardly a blink, the beautiful redheaded woman was sauntering into the room, with Kate's phone held tightly in her hand. Without delay, she handed off the small phone into Kate's hand. Kate found herself, scrolling through her contacts, hoping that she hadn't deleted his number yet. She felt guilty for using one of her exes like this, but she was in a very tight bind, and this was the best way to get out of it. Finally, she hit the tenth letter of the alphabet, and sure enough, there she found it. Josh. For those of you who don't know, Josh was Kate's latest ex-boyfriend. A handsome man, who wears a leather jacket, rides a motorcycle and just so happens to be a cardiologist. I mean seriously…even Kate couldn't tell you how she always found herself dating what could only be called pretty boys. Unfortunately, through no fault of his own, things hadn't worked out for Josh. Kate, who had unintentionally used the doctor as a sort of rebound after the whole Castle debacle, finally let him go after she realized that she would never truly get over the handsome mystery writer. Now, Kate could only hope that Josh had moved on, and that he forgave her enough to help her out. With a push of her thumb, the phone started ringing. Kate bit her lip as she waited for the doctor to answer.

"Hello?" a rather confused and muffled voice answered. Kate could hear a lot of loud background noise. For some reason, she couldn't think of what to say. She opened her mouth to speak, trying to figure out a way to keep this from getting too awkward. "Hello? Is someone there?"

"Uh….Josh?" Kate's quavering voice finally choked out. She heard a loud crackling sound, then some more muffled noises before Josh finally replied.

"Kate?" he sounded anxious, "Is that you?"

"Yeah," Kate swallowed, "It's me. I'm sorry for calling you this late, but I didn't know who else to call." She felt a heat creep up her neck as Josh eagerly replied.

"No…don't feel bad," Josh asserted, "it's good to hear from you." She listened as he quickly cleared his throat. "What do you need?"

"Uhh…I umm…" Kate muttered, trying to figure out what to say. Somehow she needed to enlist his help without telling him how she got shot. The fact that she was purposely avoiding the emergency room would only make things more suspicious.

"Kate," Josh's voice was suddenly worried, "Is something wrong? Are you okay?"

"Actually," Kate groaned, rubbing her hand over her face in frustration, "No. I'm not… I was umm…injured tonight, and I kind of need someone to come look at it and make sure it won't get infected."

"When you say injured…" Josh asked patiently.

"A bullet grazed me," Kate admitted reluctantly.

"What?" Josh's composed voice rose an octave. "Kate, just what the hell do you think you're doing calling me for help. You need to go to a hospital."

"No," Kate said emphatically, "It's not bad enough for that. Look, if you can't help me I'll just have to call someone else." Kate took a deep breath. "Sorry I bothered you." Kate pulled the phone away from her ear, and was about to hit the end button when Josh's voice shouted loudly over the receiver.

"No! Kate! Wait!" Slowly Kate brought the phone back to her ear. "Where are you?" Kate swallowed, knowing that Josh wouldn't like the answer.

"I'm umm…I'm at Castle's apartment," Kate breathed. She heard Josh hiss something under his breath. Needless to say, Josh was not fond of the man who stole Kate's heart.

"You're at his apartment," Josh repeated lamely. "Isn't he in prison or something?"

"Yes…or something," Kate confirmed. "I'm here with his family."

"Okay," Josh said finally, with a bit of resolve. "I'll be there as soon as I can. What's the address?" Kate rattled of the address and apartment number, grateful that it hadn't been too difficult to enlist his help.

"Thanks, Josh," Kate spoke gratefully, "I owe you one."

"I'll see you soon, Kate," Josh replied before hanging up.

The next hour passed torturously slow, Kate settled into a chair in the living room under Martha's insistence. Kate didn't know whether to feel flattered or suffocated by Martha's concern. At the very least, she thought she would humor her and let Martha keep an eye on her. After a few minutes on the couch, Kate found herself watching the news. Anxiously, she waited to hear any news regarding a missing fugitive, but the longer she watched, the more she realized that there was no story. A sigh of relief fell on her lips as she continued to flick through the channels, cycling past all the lower channels until she finally found something worth watching. She would up settling for an old movie on TCM. She was eager to try and take her mind off of what had happened earlier that night

Once Josh finally arrived, Kate found herself incredibly aware of the newfound tension between her and her ex. Luckily, Josh wasn't one to get sidetracked. In no time, Josh was directing Kate to lay down on the couch. In a daze, she watched as Josh prepared what he needed, laying out gauze, antiseptic, silver instruments, and a couple syringes. He had come armed with a small blue medical supplies bag, and Kate wondered if he had pocketed a few things from where he worked in order to help her out. Kate held her breath as she shifted, throwing one of her forearms over her arm. Josh moved deliberately as if he knew his own purpose. Kate lifted her forearm slightly, watching as he slipped on a pair of gloves. Kate felt slightly helpless. One of her strongest character traits is that she is a strong, independent individual. Anyone who knew Kate also knew that she didn't like needing help or assistance from others. Kate jumped slightly as she looked to her left to see Josh was in close proximity.

Carefully, he reached for her shirt, his hands pausing a mere couple inches from her stomach. He looked her straight in the eye, as if to ask permission. Kate nodded, bracing herself for the touch. She bit down slightly on her lip as Josh slowly lifted the fabric. She watched as his brow furrowed. It was clear he didn't like what he saw.

"Kate," Josh spoke her name softly, prodding around carefully with glove his fingers in order to make sure there wasn't any internal injury or distension, "How did this happen?"

"It was an accident," Kate muttered, turning her head away in order to avoid his puppy dog looking eyes.

"Hey, I'd appreciate it if you didn't lie to me like that, Kate," Josh commanded, "Please just tell me the truth?"

"You want the truth?" Kate repeated unhappily. She was short when she said. "Okay. Here's the truth. The truth is that I can't tell you what really happened."

"Why not?" Josh asked, wiping the long cut with antiseptic to prevent infection. Kate held her breath. "You said it was an accident. Did it happen at work?"

"Josh," Kate groaned, losing patience. "Just let it go, okay?"

"Do you realize that I'm putting my future on the line for you right now?" Josh asked. "Kate, I'm not supposed to be doing this. I took an oath. At first do no harm. We are liable to report gunshot victims who show up at the hospital to the police. By treating you outside, I'm purposely neglecting that particular responsibility." Josh took a deep steadying breath. "But I'm sure that you knew that already, didn't you?"

Kate finally relented and nodded. "Josh, I know that I owe you an explanation, but I just can't… Frankly, if this somehow comes back to bite me, you'll be better off if you don't know anything."

"Don't you trust me?" Josh asked sadly.

"I do," Kate sighed. "I don't know what to say other than the fact that I put myself in a dangerous position and reaped the consequences."

"It was for him, wasn't it?" Josh asked finally, not finding himself the least bit shy.

"Josh…" Kate gasped as a hot pain shot through her side, causing her to jump.

"Oh, god," Josh muttered quickly, trying to ease the pain, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay," Kate replied all too quickly, closing her eyes. She was secretly happy for a change of topic.

"You definitely need some stitches," Josh commented finally, "At least for this stretch here." Kate nodded, without opening her eyes. "I'm just going to numb the area locally and work from there." Kate kept her eyes closed, feeling the pinch as Josh slipped the needle under skin and injected a local anesthetic to numb the surrounding area. Minutes ticked by as Josh worked, carefully slipping the sting into the wound and suturing the disrupted flesh together. Kate didn't even realize she had fallen asleep until Josh gently brushed the hair from her eyes, stroking her face. Kate's eyes blinked open slowly. Josh's eyes had a soft look to them. They were like deep swirling chocolate, and very expressive.

"I'm done," Josh whispered, "I recommend you rest. I gave you a shot of pain medicine, so you'll probably sleep pretty well."

"Josh…" Kate started to speak, but fell silent as he pushed his finger to her lips.

"It's okay," Josh reassured her, "I know." Kate nodded, grateful for his understanding. Slowly he leaned forwards placing a chaste kiss to the crown of Kate's head. "Promise me you'll take care of yourself?"

"I will," Kate promised, "Martha won't let me get away with anything less." Josh nodded.

"You know, for what it's worth," Josh spoke with a certain candor, "I think he's innocent. I know that Castle would never intentionally hurt anyone. And I'm really sorry this all happened, Kate."

"Me too," Kate breathed. "Thank you," Kate smiled softly, "for saying that. I know that you've never been particularly fond of him, but it really means a lot to me to hear you say that."

"Can you really blame me for being less than fond of him?" Josh inquired, "Kate, he stole you away from me." Josh swallowed hard, "Hell, he kissed you while we were still together."

"I told you that it was to maintain our cover. Besides, It takes two, Josh," Kate said carefully, not wanting to lace his wounds with salt, but he needed to know the truth. "I kissed him back. He was there for me when I needed him to be. I got lost in my own feelings." Josh couldn't bring himself to reply to that newfound revelation, and so he settled for a nod as he tried to process what that meant.

"You were never mine, were you?" Josh seemed to grasp the notion for the first time. "You were in love with him the whole time."

"I…I tried not to be," Kate replied honestly. "Josh, I…I'm really sorry. You're a great guy. I just wasn't in the right place for a serious relationship. At least…not until I figured out some things about myself."

"I understand," Josh replied. Kate jumped slightly as Josh's pager began to go off. Josh reached down to pull it from his pocket. "911 call. I got to go."

"Okay," Kate replied, "Thanks, Josh. Really…thank you for everything."

"Anytime," Josh swallowed as he rushed to collect all his things. "If you need anything… If you spike a fever, or the pain worsens. Give me a call, okay?"

"Yeah," Kate replied rather distantly. The pain medicine was making her drowsy.

* * *

Kate was slumbering, buried deep under the duvet in the spare bedroom. The pain medicine had knocked her out cold. This had surprised her, since she had a good tolerance when it came to other things such as alcohol or allergy medicine. She could hold her own with the best of them. A woman making her way in a man's job usually had to. Kate shifted under the covers as a sweat built up on her body. Martha had cranked up the heat in the apartment, as it was freezing outside. Kate found herself thinking that perhaps the older woman had turned it up a little too high.

A Nor'easter was barreling down on top of New York, promising to bring with it freezing temperatures and possibly even a fair amount of snow. It was uncommon for New York to be hit with a storm of this magnitude so early in the season. But anyone who has ever seen its fury would tell you that Mother Nature wasn't dictated by what was common or expected.

A moan escaped from parted lips as Kate was immersed into a rather passionate dream. She was remembering the night of her and Castle's first kiss. The swell of emotions that had engulfed the two of them that night, after nearly being ripped apart from one another for a second time, led to what could only be an undeniably perfect kiss. Much like that night at the poolside, the contact was meant to be comforting. And it was. That one kiss was everything that Kate had wanted and needed for so long. It was a promise of devotion of comfort. The kiss had been a way for Castle to say that he would always be there to support and protect her. And yet, even so, it was bitter sweet. Because the fact was, that Kate was currently dating another man. And so the guilt that came later only seemed to tarnish just how perfect it was. Now, Kate wished she and Castle could have slayed their demons then instead of waiting for fate to intervene later on. If Kate had been smarter, she would have acknowledged the truth right away. She would have admitted to herself, and to Castle, that she was in love with him. She would have broken up with Josh. Unfortunately, she let the moment pass her by. And she knew now that fate could be cruel.

_Kate was brought out of the moment by a shrill ringing. She looked to the apparition standing a hair's breadth from her in her dream with raised eyebrows, frustrated by the disruption of what would have otherwise been a perfect moment._

"_Don't look at me," Castle teased while wriggling his eyebrows, "it's your phone. Not mine." Kate let out a gruff sigh, reaching into her pocket._

Kate rolled over in bed, groaning as she grew a little closer to conciousness. Without opening her eyes, she reached over to the bedside table, running her fingers over its surface as she tried to locate the offending source of the noise. Finally her fingers grazed something promising. A brief buzzing confirmed it was in fact was she was looking for. Carefully, she wrapped her fingers around it, pulling it towards her as she flipped it open.

"Hullo?" Kate's groggy voice sounded rough to her own ears.

"Kate?" the sound of Jordan Shaw's tentative voice had Kate waking up in a blink of her eyes.

"Jordan?" Kate asked, unsure if she were imagining things. She slowly pulled her phone away from her ear to check the display. Sure enough, the number matched the number Jordan had given her earlier. Jordan couldn't use her own phone given the situation, so she was using a pre-paid cell that couldn't be traced. Kate struggled to keep her voice composed as she spoke again. "What is it?"

"I…" Jordan ran her fingers over her eyes before pinching the bridge of her nose. How did you tell someone that the person they love most could be dead? How did you tell them that they could be freezing to death? And most of all, how did you tell them that there was nothing you could do about it? "Kate," Jordan spoke slowly, her voice thick, "It's Castle…" Jordan tried to speak quickly, knowing that Kate would be running the worst possible scenario in her head at those two words. "We had trouble getting across the border. We had to split up and I….I don't know if he made it."

"No," the single word and the sheer amount disbelief in Kate's tone told Jordan that the brunette was in denial. Kate was already entering into the five stages of grief. Often when you lose a loved one, suddenly, you first start to deny that the loss has taken place. "No…He can't be… this is some joke, right?" Kate said as tears built in her eyes. "I mean he has to be standing right next to you…goading you into telling me something happened. Right?"

"Kate," the sorrow in Jordan's voice had Kate fighting back sobs. Raw emotions were starting to overtake the usually composed brunette. "I'm so sorry."

"What… What happened?" Kate managed to choke out.

"We were flagged at customs, we tried to outrun them, but we didn't get far. We…we had to split up," Jordan explained calmly. "We drove off a shallow bridge. I don't know if he ever made it out of the car."

"I'm so sorry," Jordan breathed upon receiving silence. She found herself squeezing her eyes shut as she admitted what she knew to be the truth, "It's my fault."

"No," Kate's harsh voice breathed aloud, her heart pumping raggedly as she fought back her own tears. "It's mine. I never should have left him." Jordan's heart broke as she listened to Kate start to sob brokenly on the other end.

"Don't give up hope yet," Jordan encouraged. "Kate, he could be fine. But I felt like I had an obligation to tell you on the off chance that he's not okay."

"Where are you?" Kate asked finally, sliding out from under the covers. "I'm coming."

"Kate. No," Jordan spoke quickly.

"You cannot expect me to stay here, knowing what you just told me," Kate gritted her jaw, wiping furiously at her cheeks with her free hand.

"It would only draw attention," Jordan spoke smartly. "I promise you that I will call the second I know anything. I'm going to go try and find him."

"Jordan…" Kate's voice sounded thin and helpless. Jordan could only expect that Kate's heart felt like it had been ripped out.

"I know," Jordan, breathed, her own voice thick with feelings she couldn't confess to aloud. Guilt was one of the main ones. "I will." Kate nodded, though she realized Jordan couldn't see her. Moments later Kate was flipping her phone closed. She was already pleading with god to spare Castle because she honestly didn't know what she would do if he wasn't alive. Curling up against the headboard, with her arms wrapped around her knees, Kate waited. After a while she just felt numb. It killed her, knowing that something could have happened to him and that she couldn't do anything about it. She felt like it was her fault. And most of all she wished that she hadn't left him in the first place.

* * *

(Castle's POV)

Castle, unaware of his surroundings and the amount of time that had gone by, continued to stumble his way through the woods. His arms and legs were unbearably stiff with the cold, and his thoughts seemed to come spontaneously. He was incredibly tired, and so time seemed to pass slowly. It felt like every detail was being engrained into his mind, leaving less room for other more important things like his ability to reason or think critically. Every so often, he'd look up at the sky and watch as tiny snowflakes drifted down from the sky. He was numb. He wasn't sure what to think or how to feel. In a way, he was stuck in a sort of survival mode, where instinct takes over everything else. It took him hours to span the give miles of terrain between himself and the cabin. It was fairly dark outside when he came into sight of the cabin. No words could describe the amount of relief he felt when his eyes passed over the small, isolated cabin. Carefully, he started to stumble over countless fallen limbs and the holes in the ground that were made by burrowing hibernating mammals. With a grunt, he sank to his knees, while in sight of his goal. He barely had any energy left.

"Castle!" Jordan yelled as she caught sight of him and started sprinting over. "Rick!" Castle's body was starting to convulse in violent shivers as his body struggled to warm itself. The cold had taken over his body in a very debilitating manner.

"H-Hey," Castle tried to force out a smile, but it came across as more of a grimace. "S-sorry I'm late."

"We need to get you inside," Jordan surmised after noticing how Castle's eyes seemed to be drifting closed. Jordan moved quickly, grabbing him under his arms as she tried to pull him up from the ground. It took a couple of tries, but finally, Castle was standing again, an arm draped over Jordan's shoulders. It was a long trek the last hundred meters or so. But finally, with a valiant effort, Jordan pulled Castle across the threshold of the cabin door, shutting it and the cold air out behind them. Luckily, the space heaters were already warming the inside quite well. She would have stoked a fire in the fireplace, but feared that the smoke would serve as a beacon to anyone in the immediate area, and she suspected that there were people out looking for them.

With a grunt, Jordan dropped Castle onto the couch. Castle mumbled something under his breath as Jordan reached for the hem of Castle's damp shirt, pulling it over his head. She could guess that the situation would be a little uncomfortable for the both of them, and that Kate would probably want to hit her for touching him at all. However, realistically she had no choice. She had to act quickly. Castle was already hypothermic and getting worse by the minute as his body slowly began to shut down. Castle tried to stop her hands as they moved for the button of his jeans, but didn't have much of a fight left in him. All it took was a quick explanation and he let her continue. When the jeans were off she wrapped him tightly in several blankets, one of which was heated.

"Castle?" Jordan spoke quietly as he became still, too still. She began to tap him gently on the cheek with her palm as her other hand shook him gentle.

"What…? What is it?" Castle mumbled groggily.

"Castle," Jordan spoke in a near whisper, forcing him to look at her. "Hey. I need you to stay awake for me…" Castle opened his mouth to protest. Jordan didn't even let him get that far. "Look, I know you're tired, but it's really important. You think you can do that?" She shook him again, trying to wake him up just a little more. "I have to go make you some tea." Castle nodded.

On her way to the kitchen, Jordan moved at a near run. She was afraid to leave Castle alone for even a minute. Castle was severely hypothermic. He was exhibiting all the signs. For one thing, his lips were blue, his muscles tight and nearly immovable. His body was at the threshold of something much more serious.

Jordan quickly flipped open her throat, happy to dial Kate's number and deliver the good news. The phone picked up on the first ring.

"Jordan?" Kate's anxious tone greeted her before she could even speak.

"Yeah, it's me," Jordan spoke quickly. "He's here, Kate. And he's fine."

"Oh thank god," Kate's voice broke as tears of relief started down her cheeks. "Can I talk to him?"

"You can try," Jordan replied, "He's pretty lethargic right now."

"Is he going to be okay?" Kate asked worriedly.

"I can't say anything just yet," Jordan replied honestly, "He's severely hypothermic. He went into the water and was exposed to the cold a lot longer than I was. I'm trying to get him warmed up."

"Please…" Kate's voice was frantic. "I…I need to…talk to him."

"Of course," Jordan spoke sympathetically, knowing that Kate had to be going out of her mind. "Just give me a second. I'm in the kitchen." Jordan grabbed a mug of lukewarm tea. She had to keep it mildly warm because Castle's heart could literally stop if his body was warmed up too abruptly. Jordan found Castle staring into the opposite wall, his shivers a little less violent than before.

"Castle?" Jordan handed him the mug, "I need you to drink this. But before you do, Kate wants to talk to you." That seemed to get his attention. His heart started pounding in his chest.

"Kate?" Castle asked rather excitedly. He eagerly took the phone from Jordan.

Kate waited without breathing on the other end as she heard ruffling in the background, and then muffled voices. After what seemed like an eternity, Castle's voice sounded over the other end.

"Kate?" Castle's quavering voice asked aloud, "You there?"

"Oh thank god," Kate's own trembling voice replied. "I don't think I've ever been so relieved to hear your voice."

"Me too," Castle replied candidly.

"I just have to say this now," Kate breathed rather raggedly, "Rick, I love you." Kate squeezed her eyes shut, silently wishing that he were there to hold her and make her fears go away like he was always able to do before. "And I'm sorry that it took me so long to figure it out. I know that the timing hasn't ever worked out…but we have to find a way to make it work. We just have to."

"I… L-love you too, Kate," Castle replied just as honestly, "I've been in love with you from day one."

"Gosh, I wish I could be there with you," Kate sniffled softly. "This is so hard."

"I know," Castle choked out, "You should know that I feel the same way. We… just have to be patient, and wait for things to pan out. I know you can do it, Kate." Castle swallowed, his throat slightly constricted. "You're the best detective in New York." Castle squeezed his eyes shut, wishing more than anything he could give her a hug, hold her, and maybe even kiss her without any reservations. "What makes you so incredible, is that you always do things for the right reasons. I love you."

Kate tried to keep her emotions in check. With Castle saying such incredible things, it only made their situation that much harder to cope with.

"I've been thinking," Castle said after a long tense moment. "What if you drop a couple of clues to get them started in the right direction?"

"Are you crazy?" Kate replied quickly. "They will kill you, Castle. No way. I'm not going to lead them right to you."

"Katie, It's the best way to draw them out," Castle replied. "They obviously targeted me for a reason. Only we don't know who they are or why they did it… I'll be safe, Kate. I promise you that. If we try to do it on our own we'll never get anywhere."

"It's too risky," Kate groaned. "Castle…they killed your father."

"I know…" Castle said rather harshly. "And I'm sick of waiting around, wondering why. I want to do something about it. I'm already in serious trouble as it is. I might as well make something of it." Castle took a deep calming breath. "Please." Castle didn't want to push too far, but he had to play the card. "I have to know why. It's ripping me apart."

"I'll think about it," Kate replied finally. "But only because I know what it feels like to want answers so badly. Not knowing why my mother was killed was nearly the end of me." Kate rubbed a hand over her jaw. "Is Jordan taking good care of you?"

Castle flitted his gaze in Jordan's direction.

"Yeah," Castle swallowed, "Very much so…." Castle couldn't help himself as he added to the first part. "I'm sure she'll never admit it but she was able to fulfill one of her fantasies when she was stripping me out of my damp clothes a half an hour ago."

"Uh huh," Kate replied with slight amusement. "I'm sure Jordan enjoyed it thoroughly." Kate couldn't keep the sarcasm out of her voice when she added, "Cause your body is so unbelievably sexy."

"Hey," Castle pretended to be affronted. "I'll have you know that I have a smoking body that would fulfill your deepest and wildest fantasies. You're just jealous because she's already gotten further with me than you ever have." Kate moaned softly as a picture of Castle's body appeared in her mind's eye.

"True," Kate couldn't help the smile that slipped onto her lips. "But you should know that I have some serious plans for you." This time it was Castle fantasizing about Kate's body. He could imagine running his hands over her soft, heated, and muscular flesh.

"Do you now?" Castle replied, his imagination now working overtime.

"Mmhmm," Kate replied teasingly, knowing very well that it would drive him crazy. "But I recommend that if you ever want to act out your own wildest and deepest fantasies with me, that you'll tell Jordan that you're taken."

"Ah," Castle smiled, "So you are jealous!"

"No," Kate answered all too quickly. "Although I don't like the thought of some other woman running her hands over your body."

"No worries, sweetie," Castle breathed finally. "I'm all yours." Kate groaned as her phone beeped, signaling an incoming call.

"What's wrong?" Castle choked out. "You not interested?"

"No…that's not it," Kate mumbled, "Jacobs is calling. I…uh….have to go…"

"No," Castle groaned. "I don't want you to go."

"I don't want to go either," Kate replied. "Look, I'll call you back, okay?"

"Okay," Castle swallowed, "Take care of yourself, Katie."

"I will," Kate choked out. "Love you!"

"Love you too!" Castle managed to get out just before the line clicked dead. Castle let out a gruff sigh as he flipped the phone shut. With his uninjured arm he ran it raggedly over his buzz cut.

* * *

_**Please read and review! Like it? Hate it? Hopefully, not too many of you have given up on me!**_


	5. Who Am I Living For?

_**A/N: Wow so I have no idea what to say. It feels sort of like i'm greeting an old friend, with the whole, "Hey, it's been a while." sort of feel to it. Even I had to go back through most of it to remember where I'd left off. I have to say I have been working on this update intermittently for weeks. I've just had absolutely no free time. School, work, and life in general have been keeping me insanely busy. Still, I was determined to get this up as soon as possible. And I am keeping that promise to myself, since it seems like I've broken all of my other ones. Hopefully, you guys will forgive me for taking so long to update and can relate to how crazy life can be. Writing has been my passion for as long as I can remember, and it still is. It just so happens that other things get in the way. Such is life. Anyhow, without further ado, here is the update.**_

_**Title: Ask Me How Much I Love You**_

_**Chapter: Who Am I Living For?**_

_**Spoilers: A play on spoilers from Anatomy of a Murder. Kate tells Castle that she would break him out of prison. Castle sees this as a sign of Love.**_

_**Disclaimer: Sadly the amazing show that is Castle does not belong to me, nor does Natan Fillion (as amazing as he his)!**_

_**Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)**_

* * *

At first light the next morning, Castle abruptly woke. With a jolt he sat up, his body transitioning from sleep to wakefulness rapidly in response to some sort of stimuli. A shiver ran up his spine as the blankets fell away from his torso and the cold air met his damp upper body. Over the course of the night, sweat had collected on his body as his body overcompensated to the cold and became feverish. He ran a hand over his jaw as he yawned. He looked around anxiously, as he was still quite unfamiliar with his surroundings. Finally, after taking a large panoramic view of the open living space he had fallen asleep in the night before his eyes finally met those of Jordan Shaw, who was standing close by. She was dressed in a heavy jacket and nice slacks, with a large bag slung over her shoulder. His brow furrowed as he took in her posture and the way she was dressed. Her intent was obvious, but he wasn't ready to be left alone just yet. Castle shifted, sitting up a little straighter as he swiveled so that his feet touched the floor and he was facing her.

"You're leaving?" Castle asked as he was left rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, "I can't afford to wait any longer. If I'm not back by 8a.m. tomorrow morning, I'm going to have to answer a lot of questions. I have a long drive ahead of me, and then a couple of connection flights to go along with it." She swallowed.

"Where are you headed?" Rick asked softly as he stretched out the incredibly stiff and sore muscles of his shoulders and lower back before ultimately standing.

"Toronto," she explained. "I'll fly from there to Detroit, then catch a connection flight to Baltimore and then finally catch one to New York." She held up a fake passport. I figured going out of my way would be better because it puts as much distance between me and any suspicious activity that took place as possible." Castle nodded. "Here." Castle's reflexes were tested as Jordan picked up the bag at her feet and threw it towards Castle. He caught the small bag she tossed towards him, and unzipped it. His jaw fell open, as he saw a hell of a lot of money, all in Canadian bills, and a fake passport she must have just finished doctoring.

"That and the paperwork I just printed off should be enough to get your foot in the door somewhere," Shaw said quietly, "I also had Avery do some poking around. He discovered a teaching position at a local college in Halifax and sent them your credentials. So you've got an in there if you want it. If you'd rather head somewhere else, then that's up to you. You're on your own now, Rick. I'm not going to be here to walk you through things. Whatever choices you make from here on out are yours and yours alone. The phone in there should be untraceable." Rick nodded once more and swallowed. Immediately he thought about calling Alexis, Martha, and Kate. However, before he could even dwell on the thought for a single moment, Shaw seemed to read his mind or caught a look in his eyes because she quickly said. "Do me a favor and don't call them, Rick." She took a breath. "Believe me. I know that it's going to be tempting. You're going to want to hear their voice more than anything in the world. But you can't call them. They'll have your phones tapped by now, and Kate will be under a microscope for a while." Castle's stomach felt as if it were sinking.

"I…I told her I'd talk to her again," Castle looked visibly upset.

"I'm sorry, Rick, but she never called back." Shaw shook her head. "Look, I know that you really want to talk with her, but it's too risky. And ultimately, the sooner you get used to being alone, the better. You're going to have to accept that you have to be invisible." She sighed as she observed the look in Rick's eyes and the raw pain in them. "No one said this would be easy."

"Right," Castle choked out.

"Your transportation is out front," Shaw spoke as she inclined her head, "Not that I mean to be pushy, but sooner you get a move on the better." She held out her hand, offering him a dense metal service piece, she'd taken from a small arsenal located beneath the floorboards. Castle looked to the object in her hand and just stared at it. "Castle," Shaw said calmly, "You're going to want it. So take it. Just in case."

"No," Castle shook his head. "I don't want it." He stood up and quickly pushed her out of his way. She could sense his anger. The way his shoulders were set as he pushed the front door open, was a main giveaway as to his current mindset. She could practically feel the anger and frustration rolling off of him in waves. She winced as she heard the front door slam shut behind him. She couldn't imagine what it must be like to know that you have no one…to know that you have to sever the ties between you and everyone else in your life. It wasn't something someone did willingly. Shaw could only assume it would be less painful to rot away in prison or take a bullet to the chest, than to go through what he had over the last few months. At least if he had been in prison, he would have been able to have visitors. He would have been able to see Alexis and Martha. He might even have been able to visit with Kate. She could understand how lost he must feel. Everything in his entire life had been ripped away from him, and he couldn't do anything about it. He hadn't gotten to make any choices for himself. Instead, every choice had been made for him. Kate had decided to break him out because in her mind, it was the right thing to do. She hadn't realized that she was forcing him to live a life full of regret and torment. She hadn't realized that instead of making the situation better she was making it worse.

Shaw gave Castle a few minutes to calm down, and then headed for the front door. Her heart squeezed painfully in her chest as she found him kicking trees and screaming out his anger. Castle stopped his tantrum as he felt her presence and sank down near where he stood, sitting down on a tree stump with his head in his hands.

"You're angry," Shaw breathed as she sat down next to him. "I get that. I…I can't even imagine what it's like, Castle, but you…you have to get through it somehow."

"I didn't want this," Castle spoke as his face scrunched up. "I didn't want any of it."

"I know," Shaw replied, sitting down next to him. She squeezed his shoulder.

He swallowed as his voice broke. "She thought she was helping. But what if all she did was make things worse? What if I'd rather be in a jail cell somewhere, then sitting in the middle of nowhere? What if I'd rather be dead?"

"No," Shaw spoke emphatically. "Don't let those thoughts in, Castle. I have to be able to trust you can take care of yourself. I can't do that when you're saying stuff like that." Shaw took a deep breath. "You have to get through this, Castle. You have to make the most of what you have."

"Why?" Castle asked into the chilly morning air. "What's the point?"

"The point is," Shaw spoke slowly, "That even though they feel like they are a million miles away, you have a mother and daughter who love you, and a whole gang at the 12th who feel the same way." Castle nodded. "Kate might not have realized the sort of consequences that you would suffer from this, but her motives came from the right place. You are innocent Castle. You are innocent and they were going to lock you up and throw away the key. Kate always sees justice done. In this case, her heart and her head led her to take a specific course of action in order to make sure it was done. She loves you."

"Do me a favor and keep an eye on her?" Castle pleaded softly. "Make sure she's sought after." Shaw nodded.

"You should go," Castle said as he looked over to her. "And…have a safe trip, alright?"

"Castle," Shaw sighed painfully. He just shook his head.

"It's Jeremy now, remember?" he breathed, "I might as well get used to the sound of it."

"Castle," Shaw repeated. "If you want to find a way to contact her, I have no doubt you'll find a way to do it." She swallowed. "If I recall correctly, she has a subscription to the Times. I'll tell her to check the classifieds every so often."

"Thanks," Castle spoke. He was surprised as she reached out and pulled him into a tight hug.

"You take care of yourself," she begged of him. "Do it for me, for everyone else who cares about you. And if you're ever in desperate need…call me." Before he could reply she was walking back towards the black jeep that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. He could only assumed that it had been previously parked in a barn out back. He watched her climb inside. She held his eyes and gave him a curt nod before shutting herself inside. Castle listened as the engine roared to life, and started speeding away. Within minutes she was driving on a two-lane highway and into the middle of nowhere, and Castle was left staring after her.

Castle walked back inside the cabin, and sat for a long time in front of the space heater, just staring into a knot in the wood located on the opposite wall. So he had a teaching position in Halifax if he wanted it. Castle shook his head. The notion was too painful, and for some reason his instincts told him to stay as far from Halifax as humanly possible. After staring numbly at various things around the room, for another hour, he finally picked up the gun and slipped it behind his back. He grabbed his bag and a couple of nutrition bars from cupboards in the kitchen. He walked outside to find a sporty looking black imported vehicle outside. Unceremoniously, he tossed his bag into the front seat as he looked around. It was quiet, and he suspected that he was the only one around for miles on end. With a sigh, he bent down and slipped into the front seat. With a slam of the door, he sealed himself inside. A turn of the keys, and the engine roared up. Without a moment's pause, he was shifting into gear. Tires spun over the gravel beneath, until they finally caught and the car lurched forwards. He cranked up the radio and sped out down the narrow dirt road towards the highway. He wove in and out of woods for a good half an hour before he even saw a paved road. His GPS was set to have him head East, naturally, he shut off the GPS and sped off in the opposite direction, refusing to look in the rearview mirror as he symbolically left everything and everyone behind him.

He drove, for hours on end. One blended into another as he drove across what he considered to be the desolate landscape of Canada. He headed northwest for a great amount of time following obscure highway signs. He didn't know where he was headed and he didn't care. He figured he would drive until he ran out of road. At some point over the course of the second day, he decided that he might as well head for British Columbia. He'd always thought that the landscape from pictures of British Columbia was beautiful.

When he finally reached Vancouver, he blundered around for a few days before he set to work actually finding a job. For nearly a week he refused to consider the possibility of teaching, until he realized that maybe…just maybe he would be good at it. It gave him a chance to have a positive effect. It gave him the chance to instill the same passion for writing in one of his students that his college literature professor had given him. So he faked it, using fake credentials to get an interview at a local university. It couldn't have gone better. They'd practically offered him the job on the spot, and he couldn't say no. There was still a possibility that he could write works of fiction on the side in order to fulfill his own needs of self-gratification. Writing was his life and he figured that he wouldn't be able to cut it out of his routine.

More days flew by as he gathered together enough material to get him through the semester. The rest of his time was used in order to find a place of residence. He'd come across the house that he would eventually purchase, purely by chance. Late one afternoon he'd impulsively gone on a long drive out of the city and had been enchanted by the mountainous landscape, and the large river that ran nearby. The price for the land and the house was unbeatable. He bought it with plans to renovate. As alone as he felt, he trudged on, convinced that eventually someday he would get his life back. One day he would know who it was he was living for...because right now he wasn't so sure he was living for himself. He might have already swallowed his gun if he had simply been living for himself.

* * *

Nearly a year later, and a country away, Kate was struggling to carry on with her own life as well. She spent nearly every waking moment working on Castle's case. Thanks to Will, she'd managed to get a hold of all of the crime scene photos and hard evidence. However, the more she delved into the case the more she realized how truly impossible it would be to solve the case and clear Castle's name. She still beat herself up over the fact that she never called Rick back that night. Shaw gave her a number to call, but she suspected that he dumped the cell phone because it always cut to some automated voicemail. Shaw had also used some contacts of her own to track Rick down without success. His absence in her life ate away at her in every sense of the word. She spent her nights with Martha and Alexis, trying to fill the void in their lives that Castle left. She always tried to put on a positive face, to be strong for the three of them, but as days passed on it became harder and harder to do. What killed her even more was that she did not know where he was or how he was doing. She waited for something to appear in the New York Times, and day after day received nothing. Not a single word.

While Kate was working late on a case one afternoon at the twelfth precinct, Shaw came to visit. Kate had tried working for the bureau for a few months, but realized it was just as hard to handle things there, as it was to handle them for the NYPD. By the time she let the large array of emotions get to her, she knew that needed Esposito and Ryan to have her back, and to help her get through the emotional struggles that came with losing a good friend. In the few months she worked for the bureau they had her traveling off to obscure locations all over the country. All she wanted now was some permanence.

Kate let out a sigh and looked up as Jordan dropped a folder onto the edge of Kate's desk.

"Hey," Kate greeted softly. "I didn't know you were in town."

"Good afternoon," Shaw greeted as she sat down, "Sorry to drop in on you so unexpectedly, the truth is, I didn't know I was going to be in town until late last night." Shaw confessed. "Otherwise I would have given you a heads up. But while I'm here, I thought the least I could do is stop by."

"I'm glad you did," Kate offered her a small smile. "It's always good to see you. How have you been?"

"Good," Shaw replied. She leant forwards as she held Kate's undivided attention. "Work has been keeping me busy."

"I bet," Kate could sympathize. Her eyes darted over towards the pile of unsolved cases on her desk. She felt like some of them would never get closed. "Things have been crazy here too."

"I hope you've been taking good care of yourself," Jordan prompted, observing the shadows under Kate's eyes. It was obvious that the woman was probably working herself into the ground.

"Ryan and Esposito have been taking good care of me," Kate replied.

"Good," Shaw nodded. She was grateful someone was looking out for Kate. Kate finally reached out for the folder Shaw had set down.

"What's this?" Kate asked as he pulled it across the desk.

"Something I thought you might be interested in," Shaw replied. "There's also something I thought you should know. And I figured you might want to hear the news from me in person."

"Hear what?" Shaw could hear the anxiousness in Kate's voice, and knew immediately Kate assumed the worst.

"I found him, Kate," Shaw laughed. It was a deep throaty laugh. "And if I had used half of my brain I would have realized where he was a long time ago. I should have realized he would do the exact opposite of what I suggested."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Kate's brow furrowed.

"Well, umm…before I left, I told Castle that Avery and I had a job set up for him in Halifax, Nova Scotia," Shaw explained. "You want to guess where he wound up?"

"I don't know," Kate's jaw tightened, "Toronto?"

"Guess again," Shaw spoke softly her expression still amused.

"I have no idea," Kate threw up her hands.

"The boy drove his ass all the way to British Columbia," Shaw said in pure annoyance.

"You're kidding," Kate swallowed; her heart was suddenly threatening to beat its way out of her chest.

"Nope," Shaw pushed the folder towards Kate. "I've got financial records, and a whole lot more. I've even got an address." Kate eagerly opened the envelope and her eyes started racing over the pages, trying to make sense of the sort of life Castle made for himself. She flipped through page after page of information. When she finally reached the end she looked up.

"I thought you said that you had an address," Kate remarked as she met Shaw's inquisitive eyes.

"I did," Shaw replied, "However, at any point during this conversation did I ever say that I was going to give it to you?"

"Why not?" Kate sounded slightly upset.

"Because I know that if I did, you'd be on the first plane out of here," Shaw answered, "And whether you feel the eyes on you or not, they're still watching you Kate."

"You want to know what I think about that?" Kate asked angrily, her eyes flashing, "The fact is, that I don't care about that anymore! It's been a year, Jordan. I think it's about damn time we smoke out the real killers because it's obvious that our other method isn't working. Whoever worked this murder had someone working on the inside. They purposely buried half of the crime scene photos. You can tell because there's a time stamp on all of them. Minutes are missing. Taking pictures of a crime scene doesn't take six hours." Kate held Shaw's gaze. "So let them watch me… I'll lead them right to him, and then I'll whirl around and put a round into them for ripping my life apart the way they did just to cover up their own damn agenda."

"Kate," Shaw shook her head. "You can't do that. Look, you know that's not how it works. Leading them to him could just wind up getting him killed this time. Ever since he went off of the radar, he became just another loose end to tie up. A target for a hit and nothing more."

"You want to try and stop me?" Kate challenged as she pushed her chair back and stood. "Then go ahead and try if you want, but I'm done waiting. I need to see him." Shaw watched as Kate grabbed her coat.

"Then let me help," Shaw requested softly. She paused as her phone started going off. Kate watched as she pulled it from her pocket, and answered the call.

"Shaw," she answered curtly. Kate watched and listened as Shaw's presence was requested at a crime scene across town. "Alright, I'll be there in 20. Yeah. Thanks, Avery." Kate swallowed as she flipped her phone closed and slipped it back into her pocket. She looked at Kate directly, her expression already apologetic.

"I'm sorry," she apologized sincerely. "Duty calls." Kate opened up her arms, giving Shaw a quick hug goodbye before the women departed.

"It's okay," Kate nodded. "I have some stuff to take care of anyways." As soon as Shaw departed, Kate straightened the files on her desk, packed them into an attaché case and headed for her boss' office. By the time she reached the door of her Captain's office, she felt anxious and sick to her stomach. She knocked on the door as she entered, struggling to keep her breathing even as Victoria Gates looked up from some paperwork he was working on.

"Detective Beckett," she greeted as his eyes met hers.

"Hello, Sir," Kate greeted softly in return, "You have a minute?"

"Of course," Captain Gates, who was Montgomery's replacement replied. She nodded gratefully, before turning around and shutting the door behind her, sealing the two of them inside. Melissa figured it was personal when she shut the door behind her. There were only two things that this conversation could be about. She watched as Kate walked back to the chair across from her and sat down in it. She leaned forwards slightly.

"So what can I do for you?" Captain Gates asked, feeling slightly on edge.

"I uh…. I need to take some time off," Kate swallowed, "I know that I have some vacation time saved up."

"How long?" Gates asked with a furrowed brow. She didn't like the notion of being without her best detective for an extended period of time, while at the same time she realized that Kate had lost herself over the course of the last year. One thing after another seemed to drag her down, and she knew that Kate needed to do some soul searching to get back to the same detective that inspired an entire book series.

"I was thinking a week," she hedged, "maybe more."

"What do you need a whole week off for?" she asked as she refused to let Kate leave so easily.

"Nothing," Kate lied, "I could just use a break." She swallowed nervously, fidgeting as she broke eye contact. "I was thinking it might be nice to get out of the city for a while."

"Kate," Gates stated simply. "You forget. I know you better than that." She gave Kate a stare down as she spoke. "So how about you tell me why you suddenly decide you need to take an entire week off."

"Captain," she sighed, "Something kind of came up."

"Something?" Victoria pressed, "Or someone."

"Boss. Please," Kate requested. She could feel her captain's eyes analyzing everything about her. She could only assume that her posture appeared forthright and intimidating.

"Alright, a week seems fair,"her Captain finally conceded. Kate nodded gratefully. "But you had better keep yourself out of trouble, wherever your travels may take you."

"Thank you, ma'am...err sir," she said as she walked for the door.

"Hey, Kate?" Kate turned around with her hand on the door. "You be careful. You hear me?"

"Clear as the light of day. Thanks, Captain!" Kate replied before slipping out the door. She stopped at her coworker's desks, jotting down a quick note before she subsequently slipped into the elevator and headed to her apartment. When she reached into her pocket for her keys, her brows furrowed as they encountered a piece of paper she hadn't remembered placing there. She pulled it out and unfolded the crinkled paper. Her stomach dropped as she realized what it was. On the piece of paper was Castle's new address. A smile slipped onto her lips at the thought that she could be in Castle's arms in less than 24 hours.

* * *

Within 24 hours, she was landing on a runway in an airport in the heart of Vancouver. It was late summer and so the weather was fairly mild. The surrounding mountains, and the ocean in the distance were beautiful. As soon as she landed at the airport, she grabbed her bag and headed for the University where Castle, now known as Jeremy Halloway, was a literature professor. She could feel the butterflies swarming in her stomach as she walked across the scenic campus. She navigated her way through, using an information pamphlet she obtained from the student services building. She finally found the Writing and Literature building late in the afternoon and stepped inside. She felt severely out of place. She could feel eyes following her wherever she went. She expected many of the college boys found her attractive. This made her feel very self-conscious. She was trying to blend in, and failing miserably. She stopped at his office first. A schedule on his door told her that he was currently in a lecture relating to Modern literature and how it has utilized writing styles previously explored over the course of history. It sounded interesting.

The real butterflies started as she stood outside the lecture hall. She was torn between going inside or waiting for the class to end. Finally, her need to see him overtook all of her reservations and she was slipping inside. Hearing his voice again was like tasting the sweetest sugar imaginable. It sounded like smooth velvet and melted her insides. He was lecturing with the same sort of passion she would have expected from someone who genuinely loved writing and was entranced by it. She sat down in the back and just listened for an hour, perhaps longer. Time was lost on her as she just let her eyes feast on him. She frowned as she realized he looked a lot thinner than she remembered. He was handsome in many ways. His hair had grown out again, and occasionally fell over his eyes and obscured her vision of his face. Towards the end of class, he opened up the topic for questions. Kate felt horrified as the person next to her raised their hand. She tried to sink herself as far into her seat as possible. But after Castle noticed the hand and directed his eyes onto the individual next to her, he also saw her, and the floor seemed to fall out from beneath the two of them. She listened as Castle struggled to give a thoughtful reply, while his eyes held with Kate's. After a long moment, he finally tore his eyes away. She listened to him clear his throat before focusing his attention on the other half of the room. He went out of his way to avoid looking in her general direction. He managed to wrap up the class in another 10 minutes or so. Kate stayed seated as several students approached him and asked him questions related to an upcoming term paper that was due. She watched him interact with them. He was good with kids. He always had been. She closed her eyes as she let herself feel her love for him for the first time in a long time. She let out a deep breath and stood up, smoothing out the fabric of her pants as she walked down the steps towards the front of the lecture hall. She stood behind him, watching as he organized his papers, and put them into a briefcase. She could see him struggling to keep himself from looking at her, and could only assume that he had built up a lot of walls over the course of the last year. Kate cleared her throat.

"So… are you going to say hello, or are you just going to pretend like I don't exist?" Kate asked softly. She listened as Castle let out a deep sigh. He squeezed his eyes shut for a long moment as he tried to muster up enough strength and courage to turn around. Finally, after gripping the table in front of him for a short moment as a means of support, he turned around to face her. The look on his face was unreadable as he finally looked at her for the first time in over a year. His shoulders were squared tight, and she could see that he was still grappling with the reality that she was standing five feet away from him.

Kate was just as beautiful as he remembered, perhaps even more so. She took his breath away. The way her hair fell so perfectly on her shoulders, and the way her eyes sparkled, even in the dim light, had his heart racing. The truth is, he had given up on the possibility that this moment would come. Kate was trying to discern whether he had given up on the possibility that he would ever see her again, or if he didn't believe she was actually there. She was still trying to figure out which of the two it was when Castle spoke.

"I'm sorry. I…I didn't mean to be rude. It's just that I…I was just trying to think of what to say. The truth is that I…I never expected to see you again," he said softly as he turned around to pick up his bag. She watched as he picked it up and slipped the black messenger bag over his shoulder.

"So you've given up on me already?" Kate asked sadly, feeling wounded. "Oh wait…that's right. You never even gave me a chance, did you?" she bit out as she let herself feel angry.

"What are you talking about?" Castle's brow furrowed as he turned around.

"The paper," Kate's voice cracked as she tried to keep her expression impassive. "You couldn't write me one message. One?"

"I thought about it," Castle swallowed. To Kate he looked like he was sick. He was a lot thinner than he remembered, and she silently wondered if he'd been feeding himself adequately. "But whenever I thought about writing a message I couldn't…I couldn't think of what to say." He shook his head. "I figured it would be better if I didn't." Kate's jaw clenched and her fists followed at her sides.

"You're angry," Rick stated lamely as he stared at her. He wasn't sure what to say. He didn't know why she was so angry. He assumed that Kate would have moved on from him a long time ago.

"Can you blame me, Rick? You made it all but impossible for me to find you. It took Shaw nearly half a year…"

"Don't use that name," he hushed her quickly. "Not here."

"Which one, Rick?" Kate challenged feeling more anger at the denial of his true name, "Because you _are_ Richard Alexander Rodgers. That _is_ your name and that _is_ who you are."

"No it isn't," Castle replied shortly, his face scrunching up with frustration and repressed emotions. "Not anymore."

"I'm not calling you Jeremy," Kate hissed. "I refuse."

"Kate, stop it." Castle's voice carried a rough edge to it. It was defensive and aggressive at the same time.

"Why?" Kate challenged, "Do you mean to tell me that you've forced yourself to forget who you really are?"

"Can you blame me?" his voice nearly boomed. "It's not exactly like I had a choice, is it?" He took a step forwards and tried to move around her. She would have nothing of it and blocked his way.

"Please," Kate whispered softly. "Don't shut me out like this."

"I'm not," Castle argued, though he knew she was right. "Look, you should just go, Kate. It's not safe here. If you found me then they could too… You should go back to the city."

"I'm not going anywhere," Kate said harshly. "I took time off, Castle, and I flew across the entire continent just so that I could see you." Castle let out a ragged breath.

"I wish you would just go." All he could think about was going through the pain of losing her all over again whenever it was she decided to leave.

"Castle, what is wrong with you? Why are you so cold? Why are you so bitter?" Kate asked sadly reaching out to touch him. He tried to pull away, but she wouldn't let him do it. Castle opened his mouth to reply, but swallowed his words before he said anything.

"What gives you a right to be any angrier than I am? The fact is, I'm angry at the world too. God knows I've been angry with everyone…at everything since it happened. But I'm here…and at least I'm trying to make it better."

"Please," Castle begged as he tried to pull away again. She could see him fighting tears that were building his eyes just like she was fighting those that were building in her own eyes.

"I love you," she said emphatically as she held his face in her hands. "Tell me you haven't stopped loving me."

"Of course not," Castle breathed. "How could you possibly think that I would…?" She cut him off with a kiss. She tugged on his tie, crashing her lips against his. She moaned into the kiss as he instinctively pulled her closer. She wanted more. She never wanted to stop kissing him, touching him, but he pulled away.

"Kate, we…we can't do this here," he breathed quietly. "There's a new class coming in here in five minutes."

"Then take me somewhere else," Kate ordered softly as she stared into his baby blues.

"Kate," Castle's voice was apologetic. "I can't…" He shook his head. "I…I'm sorry. I just can't." He tried to push past her for a second time but she would have none of it.

"No," she spoke angrily. "You don't get to do that. You don't get to push me away. Tell me. What is it that you're so afraid of?"

"You…" Castle said a little more forcefully than he intended. "I can't do this, Kate. Not when I know that you're just going to leave in a few days and go back to your own little world while I'm stuck here." He squeezed his eyes shut as he expelled a shaky breath.

"Do you think that notion is any easier for me to grasp?" the weight of emotion in Kate's voice had him freezing. "Please, Castle. I…need you. I…I've missed you so much that it literally feels like it is killing me. I…I've been doing all I can just to function, but I can't…." Tears slipped down her cheeks. "I love you. Just because we've been ripped apart doesn't mean I've stopped for one single moment." She fought back tears as she spoke the last part. "I…I need to know if you're still with me. Otherwise, you're right and I should just go." Castle took a deep breath, before ultimately pulling her into a tight embrace.

"Kate," Castle reached out for her, his hands gently framing her face. "Just give me some time. I…I have a lot of demons to battle." He swallowed, his voice thick with his own swell of emotions, "You know I love you. I want to be with you. I…I'm just afraid of letting you in too much."

"I understand exactly how you feel," Kate assured him. "But wouldn't you rather feel something? Even if it's just for a little while?"

"You don't understand," Castle shook his head, "How close I came to giving up, Kate. I'm not sure I can live through the loss a second time." This time Kate couldn't hold back the tears. Castle let out a deep breath as he leant forwards, brushing his forehead against hers. They stood like that for a long moment. Kate closed her eyes as he kissed her gently on the forehead and then pulled her into his strong, comforting, warm arms. "I thought that maybe the pain would ebb a little with time, you know?" Castle confessed finally, "That one day I would wake up and I wouldn't feel so empty inside…that I wouldn't feel like a knife was permanently lodged in my chest." He swallowed. "I still don't understand why this happened to me. It took me a long time to accept that maybe I never will."

She nestled her face in the crook of his neck as he kissed the top of her head and breathed her in. "What I can't accept is waking up every morning, and not having you there. You, or Alexis, or Martha. I can't…I can't stop wondering where you are…how you're doing. It eats me alive. And no one… no one has a clue. They look at me and see only what they want to see…" Kate felt her own heart ache. There were times she wondered if she'd really done him a favor, breaking him out the way she had. They stood like that for a long time, just breathing each other in before the noise of the door opening had them breaking apart.

"Come on," Castle spoke quietly, tugging on Kate's hand. "Let's go somewhere a little more private." Kate nodded. They walked out to the parking lot, fingers and hands intertwined. Kate felt her heart race as he walked over to the passenger side of his car and opened the door for her. She slipped inside and he shut the door behind her. He walked around and slipped back inside. Together, they made the short trip north out of the city. Kate's heart remained pounding in her chest all the while as she watched the beautiful landscape pass by. Every so often their eyes would find eachother, but neither could hold the other's gaze for very long. They both felt the tension that had always existed between them was still there, even after all their time apart. It was something that transcended time and space. It was love.

"It's beautiful here," Kate, remarked finally, as she watched the sun flicker through the loose canopy of the trees.

"It is," Castle commented quietly. Kate's eyes flickered from the window to Castle's face. His expression was still just as unreadable and guarded as before, but his eyes spoke volumes. He hadn't given up on her. Not yet. And there was a good chance that he was afraid of that fact. His jaw was clenched tight, and she could see the muscles twitch in his temple. His hands tightened the grip on the steering wheel. "So," he breathed finally, taking his eyes off the road for a brief second, "You never mentioned… How did you find me?"

"Shaw," Kate replied simply. "She's been looking for you for months." Castle didn't say a word as he drove and continued to stare straight ahead. "Why did you do it?" Kate asked finally. "Why go so far away?"

"I can't really explain it," he admitted, "It was more instinctual than anything else. I…I just felt like I needed to put as much distance between myself and New York City as possible."

"Because you wanted the separation," Kate said softly. "You thought that putting more physical distance would help you put as much emotional distance between you and everyone as well."

"Kate," Castle breathed, as he made a turn onto a two-lane country road. "Please." He took a deep breath. "Yes, I thought it might help. The fact is, I wanted a say in what my life became."

"Did it work?" Kate asked, her voice thick with emotion.

"In some ways, yes," Castle replied. "In others, no."

"How so?"

"The drive took me a long time, Kate," he sighed. "It…uh… It gave me a long time to think about what I wanted, and what I was ready for. At first, I refused to contemplate the idea of taking a teaching position, but by the time I arrived here, I had everything figured out. I knew exactly what I wanted." He glanced towards her.

"Did it lessen the pain, to know you were so far away?" Kate asked.

"No," Castle replied honestly as he turned onto a secluded road. "In that respect, I've only caused myself more pain."

"Have you been with anyone?" Kate asked the question that had been burning in the back of her mind for months. She tried to keep her feelings out of it, but her voice still quavered.

"Have you?" Castle asked, looking over to examine her expression. Kate studied the look in his eyes as she tried to figure out the truth. Her breath hitched in her throat as she saw him, seemingly for the first time since she'd shown up. He was letting her in. His eyes were warm as he added.

"You know, I wouldn't hold it against you if you had," he promised.

"Neither would I," Kate replied. Silence built between them for a long moment.

"The answer is no," Castle replied as he held her eyes. "But I would have hoped you knew that already. I meant it when I said that I loved you."

"It's not that I didn't think you couldn't wait for me it's just…" Kate cut herself off, deciding not to make excuses. The fact is, her own insecurities had made her second guess whether they were strong enough to transcend all of the obstacles in their way. It wasn't his love. That fact was unquestionable. It just felt like they were both so far apart. In a moment of weakness he could have let himself be with someone else. "I'm sorry," Kate whispered. "It wasn't fair of me to ask you that. You're right."

"Kate," Castle sighed. "God knows I've been lonely. But I've been trying to keep myself busy, and not think so much about the other things that are missing," Castle confessed. Kate's eyes became transfixed on the space in front of her as they broke through the trees, and into a large clearing. Castle swallowed. "What about you?"

"No. I couldn't even think about the possibility of someone else," Kate shook her head. "Even after all this time, my feelings for you are still as strong as they were the day I left you at the docks." Kate breathed. "You know, I…I owe you an apology."

"Kate," Castle's voice was soft as he forced his eyes away. He was hoping to deter her from what he knew was coming next. "You don't owe me anything… If anything, I owe you an apology. The way I've been acting…"

"No," Kate's voice was strong as she spoke. "I need to say this, Castle. So you can either shut up and let me do it now, or you'll be hearing it all weekend." Castle bit down on his tongue.

"I know you understand why I did what I did that night," Kate spoke slowly, "But what I did to you was unfair. I took away your choice. Somehow, I convinced myself that it was what you would have wanted. But it wasn't what you wanted, was it?"

"It's not that," Castle shook his head.

"Castle," Kate sighed, pleading with him for honesty.

"Yes," Castle replied. "You're right, okay?" He looked at her. "For a while…I…I resented you. I resented you for doing what you did." Kate saw the agony in his expression. "But then I realized I wasn't angry at you. I was angry about all of it." His voice broke as he spoke the last part. "The fact is, I can't have a conversation with my own daughter. My _daughter._" Kate felt her heart squeeze painfully in her own chest as she watched tears work their way down Castle's cheeks. Without thought, Kate reached across and squeezed his knee. Seemingly receiving the message, Castle offered Kate his right hand, and she held it.

"I'm so sorry," Kate spoke sincerely. "I can't imagine how awful it must be." Castle nodded, not trusting his voice to say words aloud.

"She's all right, you know," Kate breathed. "You would be so proud of her. She misses you, but she has lots of good memories that will keep her holding on until you come back."

"We both know that's not going to happen any time soon," Castle said bitterly.

"How do you figure that?" Kate challenged.

"Because if you had solved my father's case you would have shown up with a smile on your face," Castle replied thoughtfully. "Instead, you look as angry and upset as I am."

"Castle," Kate shook her head. "It's…a mess. They tampered with the evidence. I've tried so hard to clear you but I can't…"

"Don't," Castle's voice cut her off. "Let's not talk about that, okay?" Kate swallowed the next words and nodded, not wanting to cause him any more pain. Perhaps, they could pretend that there was some hope of returning to normalcy. Maybe if they did that then they could make the most of their time together, instead of merely feeling pain.

Kate's jaw fell open as she saw the house. It was completely unlike anything that she had previously imagined.

"Is this where you've been living?" Kate asked, her eyes hungrily drinking in everything around them. The house was gorgeous, but the landscape itself had her gasping aloud.

"Yeah," Castle replied, as he pulled up to a stop outside the house. "That it is. Home sweet home." He swallowed as he allowed himself to look at Kate's expression. "Just finished renovating it last month actually. He jumped a little as she opened the car door and stepped outside, the sun warm on her face.

"Castle," she smiled, "This place is amazing." Then. "All this land is yours?"

"Yeah," Castle swallowed, "I got a great deal on the land." Kate twirled around, her eyes drinking in the flowers, trees, and nearby mountains in the distance.

"Would you like to go inside?" Castle inquired.

"Sure," Kate replied, stealing one last panoramic view of the landscape. She scarcely dared to breath as Castle gently took her hand and led her inside. The decorating inside was just as beautiful as the outside.

Only, she quickly noticed that it looked as if no one lived there. All the paintings and pictures hung on the walls were elegant but simplistic.

"You want a tour?" Castle asked as he turned around. He was surprised when Kate reached out to grab his jacket.

"Depends," Kate breathed, "Where do you plan on taking me?" Kate's stomach chose that moment to growl loudly. Kate nearly laughed as Castle's eyes darted to her stomach.

"Was that your..?" he laughed it off himself as he took the signal to be loud and clear. "You know what? How about we start with the kitchen." He smiled, "I'll make you something to eat." His eyes were soft as he stepped forwards. "Does that sound good?"

"So long as it isn't a smorlett, that sounds great," Kate smiled as she let him take her hand. If she had her way, she wouldn't stop touching him the entire time she was with him. He led her into a spacious, modern kitchen with granite counter tops and light marble tiled flooring. She laughed as he lifted her and set her on the counter.

"So what would you like to eat?" Castle asked softly.

"Well," Kate breathed huskily, "You look awfully delicious, but somehow I have a feeling you're not on the menu. Castle's heart raced as he stepped forwards, gently brushing the hair from Kate's eyes.

"Who are you and what have you done with the real Kate Beckett?" Castle teased as she tried to kiss him and he pulled back. Kate let out a small growl as she reached out and tugged forcefully on his shirt. Castle tried not to moan into the kiss as Kate's tongue forced her way inside. Before he could stop himself, Castle's hands were in Kate's hair, and he was battling her for control. Kate gasped as lips kissed their way down her jawline and her neck towards the skin peaking out from beneath her collar.

"Rick," Kate's gasp had him freezing. Her hands quickly darted out to hold him close, where she wanted him. Their eyes met and Kate saw an apologetic look in them.

"Kate," Castle breathed, brushing his forehead against her. "You have to know. I might seem bitter. I might seem distant, and lonely. But I love you. I love you and I want you to know that it has been and will always be the only constant thing in my life. You, Martha, and Alexis. I will love you all until the day I die."

"I love you too," Kate declared, capturing his lips.

"You want to forego dinner and see the bedroom?" Castle breathed into the next kiss. Kate couldn't hold back a moan as his lips ghosted along her jawline, headed towards the small hollow behind her ear.

"Yes," she gasped, reaching for the fabric of his shirt. "You can make me dinner later." With a yelp he lifted her from the counter, and carried her towards the bedroom. She laughed and giggled most of the way, her body cradled tightly against his. The way she touched him, buried her face into his neck, made his heart melt. He had waited so long for this moment. As he dropped her onto the bed, she let out another mild shriek. She straddled him, unbuttoning her shirt. She let him watch, as she teasingly ran her finger around each button before finally, slipping it through the notch. He was completely entranced by her and the way her hair fell so perfectly around her shoulders. He couldn't breath as he watched the perfect flawless skin of Kate's chest and stomach be exposed to him inch by inch. Finally, she finished with the last button. She gasped as hands reached up and gently pushed the fabric off of her shoulder. He ran his fingers along the protrusion of her collarbone. Everywhere he touched, her skin burned. She closed her eyes as a hand suddenly slipped behind her neck and he pulled her down into a long passionate kiss, that left her grinding hungrily against him. This time they moaned together.

"You're so beautiful," Castle breathed aloud. "All this for me. I can hardly believe this is happening. It feels like a dream."

"I know what you mean," Kate panted as she practically ripped open Castle's shirt. She'd waited long enough. The longing and yearning she'd experienced for the man beneath her had lasted torturously long. "I can't tell you how many times I opened my eyes, thinking you would be next to me. Only to find cold sheets."

"Y-You dreamt about me?" Castle sounded surprised as well as turned on by the thought. A shiver rocketed up his spine as she husked into his ear.

"You have no idea," she moaned as his hands, gripped her hips possessively. "Let me show you exactly what I've dreamt about." Castle moaned again as Kate's hips undulated on top of him, rubbing up against him through his pants.

"You have no idea how long I've waited for this moment," she breathed.

"Not nearly as long as I have," Castle replied, his hands running hungrily over her flesh.

"Is that so?" Kate challenged.

"Mmhmm," Castle punctuated with a kiss.

"When?" Kate breathed. "When did you know?"

"Before Shaw, before any of it," Castle replied. He moaned as Kate rewarded him with a fresh array of kisses.

"You were smarter than I was," Kate admitted. "If I had been smart enough to realize what I had in front of me the whole time. We would have been together a long time ago."

"Kate," Castle pleaded softly. She kissed him running her hands over his body, his chest, his stomach, abdomen, then lower. "I'm yours. Fulfill any fantasy you want. Just…do it soon."

In another breath, Kate's fingers were eagerly reaching up to unbutton her own pants. He groaned at the loss as she pushed herself off of him so that she could strip the rest of the way for him. She was surprised when his eyes locked and didn't leave hers, the entire time she slowly slid her denim jeans down her thighs. Her underwear followed behind. Only then did Castle break eye contact to steal a look. The moan of want escaping his lips had her burning for him. With a predatory look in her eyes she crawled up his bed. She let her body brush his along the way, letting out moans of her own. She took his lips in a possessive, demanding, and somewhat aggressive kiss.

"I'm going to make it up to you," Kate promised. "I'm going to make sure that you know you are loved, because you are. Very much so. I promise I will try to make every moment you spent alone worth it, while I'm here, Castle. You have my heart. You are my love and my life." Castle kissed her back, fervently, touched by her words and the sincerity in them. He gazed deep into her green eyes that remind him of the sea.

A fresh wave of moisture was pooling between her own legs as she felt him respond to her through the fabric. Castle squeezed his eyes shut as her hands darted for the button of his pants located between them. She unclasped the button then pushed up with her knees as she tugged the fabric down, with it came the boxers. Her body flushed a deep red as she became hungry for him. She wanted to feel every inch of him.

"Kate," she was surprised at the breathlessness in his voice. A coy smile slipped onto her lips as she took the plunge, fulfilling her earlier promise to make Castle feel well loved.

* * *

_**So that's it for now! I thought I wouldn't get too graphic with the love scene since I only rated this story T. I'm done with classes next week so I'm hoping I'll have a lot more time to write then. You guys are probably wondering why Kate went to see Castle without taking Alexis or Martha. I promise that I'll get around to that in the next chapter. It's all part of the plan. Anyhow... Please read and review! I'd really like to know how many people are still with me, and are still interested in this story! Thanks again for reading! Respectfully yours, Greygirl03.**_


	6. Here It Goes

_**A/N: Hey guys! I'm happy to say that I have finally finished school for the semester and now am regaining some of my time back. Work and life are still kind of crazy right now, but I managed to take enough time in the past couple days to write this update. I have to say that I really liked how it turned out. There's a lot of angst in it, but there's some fluff as well. Anyhow, I want to thank those who have stuck with me through the story so far. I hope to make more frequent updates to it now that my schedule has lightened a little bit. Anyhow I hope that you really really enjoy this chapter! Please let me know what you think about it! Cheers!**_

_**Title: Ask Me How Much I Love You**_

_**Chapter: Here it Goes...**_

_**Spoilers: A play on spoilers from Anatomy of a Murder. Kate tells Castle that she would break him out of prison. Castle sees this as a sign of Love.**_

_**Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)**_

_**Disclaimer: Sadly the amazing show that is Castle does not belong to me, nor does Natan Fillion (as amazing as he his)!**_

* * *

Castle woke up to a streak of light falling across his pillow. He was surprised that he had even fallen asleep to begin with. He hadn't felt particularly tired, but his previous activities had worn him out somewhat. Perhaps he had drifted off so easily because he was so incredibly relaxed. Everything just felt so right as he held Kate in his arms. He couldn't help but feel at peace he was with Kate in his arms. For once, he didn't fall into sleep feeling as if he were completely alone. For once, he felt content, happy, and elated as he slipped into a peaceful sleep. Over the course of the last year insomnia had been one of his biggest problems, and cruelest tormentors. He often found it impossible to turn off his thoughts at night when he lay in bed by himself. It was always so quiet, but it was a deafening silence that made him feel incredibly alone. He would often toss and turn for hours, cursing his own thoughts as they frequently flocked back to dwell on his past. Without meaning to, his mind would replay what he considered to be emotionally significant events over and over in his mind. In particular, he would analyze conversations he had with Kate, Alexis, and Martha. In addition to that he often rethought every choice he had made over the course of the last few years. He would analyze things he had said and things he had done down to every minute detail. And more than anything, he was left wishing that he could change them. His solution to this problem had been to keep himself so busy, to make himself so exhausted that he simply just crashed when he made it home. In order to do this, he would stay up for days at a time, busy himself with reading, writing, and prepping himself for his classes.

Castle took a deep breath as his body slowly began to wake and adjust to consciousness. He took another greedy breath as the most luscious smell met his nose. It was sweet, delicate, a cross between Cherry and Vanilla. In addition to the smell, he also felt the comforting warmth of a body pressed up against his side. He no longer felt cold as he was used to when he woke up to an empty bed every morning, but rather, his body felt warm and comfortable. It could easily be said that both of their bodies had a healthy flush to them. He swore that Kate had melted his heart over the course of their passionate lovemaking, and she'd done it from the inside out, with her words and her gentle but passion filled touches. Castle took another deep breath, letting it out slowly. His eyes flickered open, and for a moment, he laid completely still. He shifted slightly, feeling the sleeping brunette shift slightly before settling back into his side. Her head lay on his chest, while her arm draped lazily around his middle. For another long moment, he savored the smell and the feel of her body. She fit against him so perfectly. She moaned lightly in her sleep as he began to run his fingers through her hair. She was so beautiful that there were still times he found it hard to breathe in her presence. Part of him wondered how he had gotten so lucky as to deserve her.

He'd been in love with Kate for as long as he could remember, perhaps even from day one. The fact that she had rejected him and shot him down initially, only made him want her all the more. But it was about so much more than that. Castle truly meant it when he calls her extraordinary. You would be hard pressed to find someone who consistently lived their life with a similar level of passion, determination, and a high regard for the value of life as Kate Beckett always did. She was strong, confident, and never afraid to stand up for what she knew to be right. And most importantly, Kate was able to do something no one else could do; she kept Rick Castle in line (most of the time). Over the course of their partnership they had grown to know eachother quite well. Sharing so many near death experiences, as well as the emotions that come with the job, had caused them to lean on eachother for support and develop the deep level of trust that is necessary in a committed relationship. They'd always given eachother little pieces. It was often little bits of information, quirks that they kept hidden, and whether it was admitting to guilty pleasures, such as Kate's addiction to Temptation Lake episodes, or Castle's affinity for insanely old scotch, they both were happy to know more about the other. In some ways it was like putting a puzzle together. They saw the overall picture being formed, but didn't have all of the pieces yet. As time went by they'd fill in more of their perception of the other piece by piece, never feeling too surprised when they fit together. They were just happy to be one step closer to knowing eachother so completely.

Castle closed his eyes again, hoping that he could fall asleep once more, but he soon realized he wouldn't be able to fall back into sleep. His heart ached as he thought about how things might be different if he had just listened to Kate and headed her warnings when she told him to tread cautiously. From day one, she had always been supportive of Castle and his desire to get to know his father, while at the same time she remained cautious about the whole thing. If only he had listened… If only…he might have had a family. He might have been able to love Kate in the way she deserved, and offer her stable support. Castle let out another sigh as his eyes opened.

With great care, Castle slid out from beneath who he considered to be one of the most beautiful women in the world. He kissed her softly on the forehead as she settled back into the pillows. Trying not to make a sound, Castle tip-toed across the floor as he walked over to the window to close the blinds. He moved around in the dark, opening the drawers of his dresser before he slipped into some comfortable jeans and a tight white undershirt covered with a navy button up shirt and slipped out of the room. He closed the door behind him and headed towards the kitchen. He chuckled softly under his breath, as he thought how much he had acted like a horny teenager only mere hours before. He'd never been so impatient as to have someone, as he had been to be with Kate.

He decided that he was going to make Kate dinner as he's promised. She deserved to eat some good food, especially after traveling for a whole day; he expected that she must not have had much to eat.

He grabbed some pans from the cupboard, and set them on the stove. He turned around and opened the fridge pulling out some ground meat, and mozzarella cheese. He set these on the island before heading to grab some tomato sauce, and pasta noodles. In one pan he chopped and browned the hamburger, while in another he cooked the pasta. When the meat was cooked thoroughly he strained out the fat and excess grease. To the hamburger, he added the tomato sauce. He warmed and stirred that, while he waited for the pasta to finish cooking. Finally, when the noodles were done he strained them from the water and put them into an oven safe dish. He poured the sauce over the noodles, and then covered it with an abundance of mozzarella cheese. He slipped it into the oven and set the timer. He hoped that Kate was in the mood for baked Ziti. He could remember that Kate often ordered in, but also recalled her favorite foods to be Italian and Chinese.

* * *

When Kate woke up to an empty bed, she feared for a brief moment that she had dreamed most of it. Slowly she let out a deep breath, and closed her eyes once more as she trying to discern where she was. A comforting, familiar scent seemed to surround her, and she inhaled it deeply. She shifted, moaning slightly as her body confirmed it hadn't been a dream at all. She was sore in several places, but in such a good way. A flush settled ont her cheeks as her mind jumped back to the place she'd been in emotionally and physically. The memories of it were all so fresh and rich in her mind. She could almost still feel his hands on her even though she knew she was alone. A contented sigh escaped her parted lips as she briefly recalled her earlier activities with Castle. Everything about what had transpired had been so far beyond her expectations. It was perfect. Castle was such an attentive lover, and did a fantastic job of making her feel well loved.

Kate opened her eyes, rolling over. She felt her heart swell as her eyes fell across a few pictures displayed in silver matching frames on Castle's bedside table. Specifically, one of them caught her eye. It was a picture of her, Alexis, and Martha, taken while they were out celebrating Alexis' last birthday. They were all beaming and smiling happily. Kate wondered briefly how Castle had come to acquire the picture, as he had been absent by that point in time. The thought caused her chest to clench painfully. He hadn't been able to take any of his things with him, Kate remembered. What little she had packed for him had been lost in the SUV. She picked up another picture of her and Rick from the night they had attended a fundraiser together. It had been a celebration of the beginning of the Johanna Beckett memorial Scholarship fund, and she was wearing a small red dress that packed quite a punch. Kate smiled as she remembered that night most fondly. Castle had twirled her around the dance floor, holding her close most of the night. She had still been with Josh at that point, but remembered still harboring feelings for Castle at that point in time. Castle looked incredibly happy in the picture, and he had a healthy glow about him. Finally, she reluctantly set the picture back down and went in search of a shirt she could wear. She found her phone on the floor next to where her jeans lay on the floor. With a deep breath she picked it up and flipped it open. She dialed her best friend's number and waited anxiously for her to answer.

Kate tapped her foot impatiently as she walked over to the window and drew back the blinds. She could not get over how amazing the view was. She hummed under her breath.

"Girl, you have some explaining to do," Lanie's voice answered.

"Hello to you too," Kate laughed. Of course, she should have known she'd be in for it.

"I just want to know why you bailed on me last night," Lanie pressed, "If I recall we had an appointment with a bowl of popcorn and a DVR full of episodes of Temptation Lake."

"Lanie," Kate spoke honestly, "I'm so sorry. I promise that I'll make it up to you. Something kind of came up…"

"Mmhmm," Lanie sounded unconvinced.

"Oh come on," Kate laughed softly. "As if you didn't mind having to settle for spending the night with Esposito instead…"

"What? Am I seriously that predictable?" Lanie joked softly.

"Well, let's see," Kate replied cheekily, "You two have been not so secretly dating for over a year, and you have to have Sito pretty whipped by now… So…in this case I would say that you're both easily predictable." Kate laughed as she heard Esposito raise his voice in a, 'Hey, I heard that!' manner.

"So," Lanie decided to get back to interrogating her friend, "You going to tell me what exactly was so important as to call off our girl's night?"

"How about I wait to tell you until when I get back in town," Kate answered cryptically.

"Tell me you're not doing what I think you're doing," Lanie sighed.

"Sorry," Kate muttered again.

"Hey," Lanie's voice was surprisingly soft. "You know that I'm teasing. Kate, I know how long you've waited." Then after a short breath. "How is he?"

"Good. He's…umm... okay," Kate answered carefully, "I'm not going to lie, it was a lot harder than I thought it would be in the beginning."

"How so?" Lanie asked. Kate could detect the concern in her friend's voice.

"I think it's clear that men are not meant to live alone," Kate replied, "Too much time alone can make a man's soul bitter cold."

"I take it he didn't receive your presence very well," Lanie spoke softly.

"Yeah."

"I wish you would've told me what you were up to ahead of time," Lanie spoke, "But I understand why you had to keep it under wraps."

"Thanks for understanding," Kate choked out. "Listen, Lanie, I was hoping that you could do me a favor." A mischievous smile slipped onto her features as she said, "I think it's time Castle saw Martha and Alexis. I was thinking that we can make it happen if they fly into Seattle." She paused.

"Isn't that a little too obvious?" Lanie asked. "Kate, I understand your intentions. And I'm sure that Castle would appreciate it, but it might not be worth the danger." Kate squeezed her eyes shut. "I just think that it would be a little suspicious to anyone watching if all three of you, Alexis, Martha, and yourself, flew out to places within a hundred miles of one another. Don't you think it would be cutting things a little close?" She took a deep breath. "At least if you spaced out the visit you could avoid that particular problem."

"I get your concerns, and all of them are valid and well thought out, but this is important." Kate shook her head. "Castle needs them now more than ever. I'm serious, Lanie. I…I'm worried about him. He needs something good to hold onto. He needs a memory that can't be tarnished by everything else. He…He looks like he hasn't eaten in months."

"Okay," Lanie sighed. "Look, I'll talk to the boys and see what we can do. Maybe we'll fly them into a location a bit further from where you are and you can meet at a halfway point."

"Thanks, Lanie," Kate replied, tears welling gratefully in her eyes. She wanted to give Castle this one thing if she could. She could only hope that they could make it work somehow.

"Anything for you, girl," Lanie replied. "I hope that you know that I will always be on your side. I don't mean to frustrate or discourage you."

"No. It's okay," Kate reassured her. "I know you mean well, Lanie."

"Now you take care, Kate," Lanie replied earnestly, "Have fun. I'll talk to you soon."

"I will," Kate replied softly. "Thanks again. Bye."

Kate peered around the room. She could dress if she really wanted, but a part of her didn't feel any need. Her bag, full of her clothes, was still in the entryway where she left it, so she slipped on a pair of Castle's boxers, and headed downstairs in search of the elusive man.

As her feet hit the bottom of the stairs, the most heavenly of aromas met her nostrils. She closed her eyes, humming under her breath. She couldn't stop thinking about Castle. She felt like a horny teenager that couldn't seem to get enough. Quickly she padded for the kitchen, only to frown when she found it empty. She navigated part of the way through the massive lower floor. She had been correct in her earlier assessment. It looked as if some of these rooms haven't been used in months. Finally, as she started to feel disoriented, she referred to plan B.

"Castle!" she called out into the quiet house, hoping to get some sort of response.

"In here!" a voice called back. She followed it, slipping back out into the hallway. She found him inside of his office, located in the back of his house. Her jaw fell open as her eyes fell upon a custom built library, stuffed to capacity with hundreds of books.

Castle tried to remain focused on his work as he felt a pair of eyes take him in even though he knew it would be impossible. Castle was sitting in a chair, with a pair of glasses on, making notes on an academic review article he was writing. He finally gave into Kate's presence and looked up from his lap to find the sexiest sight imaginable. Kate Beckett was leaning against the doorway, wearing one of his buttons up shirts, a pair of boxers, and nothing else. Her hair looked like he had run his hands through it a hundred times, which only served to remind him of their previous activities. He closed his eyes, imagining himself back in that place of complete surrender. Just the memory of the moans emanating from her open mouth as he made love to her with his hands had him growing aroused. It ignited his burn for her all over again.

She bit down on her lip nervously as she felt him drink her in hungrily. He was the least bit shy as he let his eyes run up her legs, then let himself picture what he knew to be underneath. He no longer had to fantasize, since now he knew. And it was safe to say that the reality was even better than fantasy. Kate was perfect in every respect of the words. She was muscular, fit, but still had curves in all of the right places. She was the most beautiful woman and he loved her.

"Hey," he couldn't stop the boyish smile from overtaking his lips as he locked eyes with her.

"Hey to you too," Kate smiled. "I'm sorry. Am I interrupting?"

"Not a chance," Castle gave her his undivided attention. "If anything, you're rescuing me from work."

"How long have you been up?" Kate asked softly as she took a small step into the room.

"A couple of hours," Castle remarked as he checked his watch. "I thought you might be tired because of all of your traveling, so I thought I'd let you sleep a little while I got some work done and made dinner." He patted his lap, indicating for her to come join him. Kate took the hint. Slowly, she sauntered over. She made a show of picking up the papers occupying his lap and dropping them on the table next to his chair, before she took their place. She straddled him, and he moaned into her mouth as she kissed him, hungrily. He closed his eyes as she gently removed his glasses, before slowly running up her hands up his chest and around the back of his neck to dance along his scalp. His hands gripped her hips tightly; he pulled slightly, causing her pelvis to rub against him. She moaned as her body quickly responded. She still wanted more, and could only imagine that she would never be able to get enough of Castle. So just like that, she wanted him again and she was willing to take him right there in his chair. Between kisses, Castle tried to ask her questions.

"You sleep well?" he asked considerately.

"Mmhmm," Kate hummed softly, "Best sleep I've gotten in the last year."

"I know what you mean," Castle replied earnestly. She could see something flickered in his eyes. He still looked a bit haunted by the memory. Judging that she needed to be careful, Kate forced herself to slow down. All she wanted was to help, and to be as close to him, physically and emotionally, as possible.

"God, you're so beautiful," Castle whispered seemingly entranced by her. Kate kissed him again. After all, how could she not? After the time they'd spent together, she felt closer to him now than ever before.

"Did I mention that you're not so bad looking yourself?" Kate joked softly as she gazed deep into his eyes. Her heart started to beat faster as she saw baby blues of boy she remembered back in New York. It was the happy carefree, Richard Castle. Not the bitter, angry, slightly aggressive, Jeremy Halloway. "Although, I think you need to start eating more." She saw a flicker of something flash through his eyes. "You have been feeding yourself, haven't you?"

"Of course," Castle choked out. Kate swallowed as Castle ran his hands gently up from where they had been gripping her hips to her stomach. Kate moaned softly as his fingers trailed over her skin. He stopped as they encountered a small scar, than ran across her stomach for several inches. A deep breath escaped his lips as he remembered where it was she'd gotten it. She'd been nearly shot all because of him. She sighed as she felt him start to close himself off again. He was constantly doing that and it made Kate afraid that he wouldn't be able to bounce back from her leaving again.

"Uh uh," Kate reprimanded him softly as she gently reached over to run the pad of her thumb over his cheek. She hoped the gesture would be comforting. "Don't do that."

"Sorry," Castle shook his head. "I don't mean to keep doing it. It's just hard not to go back to that place."

"I know," Kate spoke softly. "But stay here with me. Please?" He nodded, kissing her softly. Kate whimpered softly as his tongue forced its way into her mouth. They were so lost in their little world that clothes might have started coming off if it weren't for the timer in the kitchen. Kate jumped as a loud beeping started going off in the kitchen.

"What is that?" Kate asked breathlessly. Her voice was a low husky alto.

"That would be dinner," Castle breathed softly, holding her soft green eyes with his own gaze full of love and adoration. Instead of jumping up from hi lap, Kate stayed, playing with the tendrils of hair at the nape of his neck. It was sensual, intimate, and it made Castle's heart pound relentlessly in his chest. "It's ready."

"You know, I'm having a really hard time motivating myself to get off of you," Kate breathed into his ear, causing him to moan as another shiver shot up his spine. Only, instead of making it feel cold it made him feel so warm.

"You mean you still haven't gotten enough of me?" Castle inquired. "Why miss Katherine Beckett I never would have thought you would be so insatiable."

"Hasn't anyone ever told you?" Kate asked with darkening eyes, "You can never have too much of a good thing."

"Mmm," Castle hummed in agreement. "How about we eat dinner," he suggested, "and then when we're finished, if you still want to have your wicked way with me, I'm all yours."

"If," Kate scoffed. "Just in case you don't know, I thoroughly intend to make the most of every moment." She giggled as Castled pulled her into a deep kiss. He stood up, forcing Kate to wrap her legs around his middle as she slipped her arms behind his neck. She pouted as he set her back down in the chair.

"Wait here five minutes?" he asked her softly.

"Castle," she pouted. She was about to stand up but before she could Castle held up a finger.

"Be a good sport," he pleaded softly, "You won't regret it." He swallowed, pausing at the door. "Five minutes," he punctuated again, before he slipped out the door and shut it behind him. Kate sighed as she stood up. She started perusing books around the library before curiosity got the best of her and wandered over to his desk. On top of it was a large stack of paper, which she quickly made out to be a draft of a book. She flipped on his desk lamp and moved so that her shadow didn't cut off the source of light. She gently reached out as he leant forwards to see the words written on its pages. She expected it to be like any one of his usual mystery novels, only it wasn't anything like what she expected. The two were so far apart that she doubted they could even be compared. Still, as read and turned each page, she did so as if it were another gentle caress.

The more she read, the more distressed she became. She bit down on her lip, at it's graphic nature. There was no doubt; Castle's descriptive writing and his unique writing style was as good as ever. But the subject matter, and the content was very dark almost to the point where it was frightening. It was obvious that Castle had been in a very very dark place when he'd written it, and so it pulled at her heart in an even more painful manner. She was so captivated by what she was reading that she didn't hear Castle come in. She swallowed as a hand gently reached out and restored the pile to its original form. His hand pulled her way from it gently. Kate turned around to see a calm unreadable expression on Castles face. She stood still as he reached around her and switched off the lamp. Kate watched as Castle calmly picked up the transcript and slipped it into a drawer in the bottom of his desk, before shutting it a little vigorously.

"Come with me?" he requested softly, offering her his hand. Kate couldn't help but smile as she twined his fingers with hers.

Slowly they headed for a small room in the front of the house that was Castle's dining room. Her jaw fell open as he led her into a room, lit entirely by candlelight. The table settings were beautiful. She inhaled the deep scent of vanilla. She could only assume it was the scented candles. Her heart beat faster as she observed the rose petals sprinkled across the length of the table. He'd outdone himself on this one. Castle pulled out her chair for her, watching as she settled into her chair. He quickly uncovered the dish in the center of the table. Kate's mouth was already watering.

"I hope you're in the mood for ziti," Castle said with an inflection of his voice. "I wasn't really sure what to make."

"It looks fantastic," Kate reassured him, with a punctuated growl from her stomach. He dished her up with pasta, vegetables, salad, and garlic bread. "I had no idea you could cook." Kate joked. "I thought that your culinary skills were unique to breakfast."

"I've had plenty of time to learn," Castle replied softly. "That's what happens when you can't rely on take out, and have to feed yourself.

He set her plate down in front of her and sidled over to grab a bottle from ice in the center of the table. He reached out for her glass and filled it for her. "Sorry I don't have any wine. Hopefully sparkling cider will be a suitable substitute."

"Sounds good," Kate smiled. "Though I'm surprised that Richard Castle doesn't have so much as a single bottle of wine. Shouldn't you have like an entire stash of booze here somewhere?" She saw Castle's eyes dart away as he swallowed uncomfortably. That reaction concerned her the most.

"I decided that having it around," Castle choked on his words and quickly corrected himself. "I decided that having alcohol around was too tempting," Castle admitted. "For about the first few months I was here, I'm not sure I was ever completely sober." Kate watched as an entire array of emotions moved across his face. Shame, regret, and guilt were definitely the most prominent. "It was bad… I honestly consider myself lucky because I never made any of the big mistakes. I never unintentionally hurt someone or hurt myself, but… It went from bad to worse quickly." Kate tried to keep her breathing even as she just listened.

"What made you stop?" she couldn't help but ask.

"I…I'm not sure exactly," Castle admitted, "It was a kind of epiphany. One morning I just looked myself in the mirror…not just a glimpse, but I mean…I really looked. And I realized that I didn't recognize the man staring back at me. It…really freaked me out. And I realized that it wasn't the way I wanted to live my life." Castle swallowed. "So I made a promise that I would never overtly tempt myself." Kate felt her heart squeeze once again. He had been struggling with addiction, and she had absolutely no idea because she was an entire continent and a country away. She felt pride and admiration for him, as she realized that maybe, just maybe, that he was a hell of a lot stronger than she was. He had managed to stop it all by himself and had the willpower to maintain it. She knew alcoholism well. After her dad lost her mom, he had started living from the bottom of the bottle.

With silence building, Castle walked over to his own chair, avoiding Kate's eyes. Kate opened her mouth to speak, although she had no idea what she should say to such an admission. She watched as Castle served himself and then sat down. Kate's brow furrowed as she realized he had a lot smaller portions than she had. So he hadn't been eating… not nearly enough by Kate's standards anyways. He had a good foot on her in height, and was eating smaller portions than she was. This alone had her greatly concerned. Kate looked away, deciding to leave it alone. She took a ravenous bite; she hadn't realized how hungry she had truly been until in that moment. She shoveled a couple of bites into her mouth, and made appreciative noises in the back of her throat. Her eyes flickered up subtly and she watched as Castle move the food on his plate back and forth on his plate, while intermittently taking small conservative bites.

"This is great," Kate complimented him, her eyes lifting and truly catching his from across the table.

"Glad you like it," Castle smiled. Kate smiled, flicker of concern flashing across her face. This did not go unnoticed by Castle. He swallowed, wondering if they were going to be able to make through dinner before one of them broke. He felt quite close to breaking down, himself. And it wasn't helping that Kate was looking at him like she thought there was something seriously wrong with his demeanor.

"So…I saw that you noticed what I've been working on," Castle hedged.

"Yeah," Kate replied carefully. "It's umm…It's really good." There it was again. The hesitation, the flicker of worry and concern across her features.

"I hope that you know that don't have to lie to me, Kate," Castle chuckled. "I could see that you were troubled by it."

"It's not that," Kate argued softly.

"No?" Castle challenged. Kate nodded.

"Are you sure?' Castle asked. "Because you haven't stop looking at me like that since," Castle accused.

"Like what?" Kate asked in a rebuttal.

"Nothing," Castle choked out, though his tone and the tense sigh that slipped out after the word told Kate that he was definitely bothered by something. "Just forget it."

"When did you write it?" Kate inquired. "How long ago?"

"I finished it a few months ago," Castle answered honestly. "What does it matter?"

"It doesn't," Kate shifted uneasily, "It's just that I…. I'm just worried about you."

"Don't. Don't worry…I mean," Castle pleaded softly, when he saw her shoulders tense. "Kate, I'm fine."

"No, Castle," Kate denied him. "You're not fine. Not even close. You had your entire life ripped away from you. No one…and I mean absolutely no one on this earth would be okay after what you've been through. Castle, you don't have to act so ashamed by it."

"I'm not," he argued, growing more frustrated. He silently wondered how dinner had turned into another argument. He didn't want to fight. Not when he knew he only had so much time with Kate. Any time at all was a gift in itself, but he felt bitter in knowing her visit would be over before it even started

"Castle," she sighed. "I understand that you're in a very dark place. I really do. I can't imagine what it's like. But you can't live like this. I mean…you look like you've hardly eaten in months, and what I read…it would be an understatement to say that it was troublesome. I just…I want you to be okay. I wish I could make things better." Kate bit down on her tongue to stop herself from saying more. Castle was clearly upset now. She could see the muscles in his jaw tense and relax repeatedly.

"Would you just stop?" he asked angrily. "When are you going to get it, Kate? You can't make things better. You can't make _me_ better. _You can't fix me_…" Castle muttered in a somewhat cold and clipped tone. Kate felt slightly wounded as she saw the look in his eyes.

"Rick, please," she begged of him softly, appealing to his better nature. She just wished he didn't seem so angry all of the time.

"No," Castle shook his head, "Don't you dare first name me. You know I'm right! You know it!" Castle's expression was that of asertion. "Tell me something, Kate. When are you leaving?" Castle asked pointedly.

"What does that have to do with…?"

"Just answer the question," Castle ordered a little more harshly than he intended for it to come out.

"I umm…I took the week off," Kate tried to reply calmly, hoping that her calm reply would calm him as well.

"Okay. So six days then," Castle gritted out. "You think you can fix me in six days?" he challenged cynically. "You honestly think you can make me want to live this meaningless, pointless life in the six days you're here?" Kate felt the need to say something; only she had no idea of what to say. Without meaning to, Kate shook her head. Castle took this to be her reply.

"Then let it go," Castle replied.

"Castle," Kate let out a ragged breath.

"No. I'm done talking…," Castle hissed angrily, "Just stop trying to make it better, Kate! Because you can't! You just can't!" Castle's jaw snapped shut as he pushed his chair back. Kate opened her mouth to speak, but nothing seemed to come out. She jumped up.

"Castle, please," she begged him. "Please don't walk away from this…from us." He looked at her, his eyes locking with hers for a long moment. She thought he looked like he was about to get sick. She felt her eyes burn as she held back tears. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but much like her, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Instead, he left her to stare after him as he walked quickly from the room and disappeared. She winced as she heard the front screen door slam shut behind him. Kate's head dropped into her hands in defeat and her hands clenched into fists as the emotions she'd been repressing came rushing over her in a wave. Tears flowed angrily down her cheeks as she realized that he was right. She couldn't fix anything. She couldn't ease his pain. She couldn't do anything to help him.

* * *

She decided to give him time to calm down. She'd never seen this way before. Sure, they'd had their arguments over the course of their partnership. He knew how stubborn Rick could be in given circumstances, but the anger was almost frightening. She knew he was in pain. He was living a life that made him a shell of who he truly was. Kate plopped back down in her chair, but she pushed away her food. She no longer had an appetite. She waited for what seemed like an eternity and kept waiting for him to come back through the door, but he didn't. She finally decided that if she wanted to see him, she was going to have to venture out after him. She grabbed her bag and then changed into her clothes, then rushed outside in search of him. She swept her eyes over the land before her, wondering where on earth to start. She saw a barn not too far away and decided that it seemed the most promising possibility. Castle might have headed in that direction. In her boots, Kate tracked across the slightly muddy, narrow cut pathway. She poked her head inside the barn, rewarded when she heard a much calmer, lower, dulcet, and soothing voice talking inside. For a long moment she wondered if Castle was alone. She tried to be quiet as she walked through the barn. Eventually, she found Castle inside one of the stalls. He was alone, but talking as he ran a brush over the side of a tall, brown mare. Kate stumbled, making a small noise as her foot hit a nearby bucket. She watched as Castle's shoulders tightened briefly and then relaxed again as he ran the brush along the mare's side. He expelled a deep breath. "I was wondering when you'd find me. I guess I should probably work on finding some better hiding places, huh?"

"I'm sorry," Kate apologized. It seemed like she'd been doing a lot of that lately. Castle squeezed his eyes shut as he struggled not to break down. Kate could sense his pain. Slowly she walked forwards, wrapping her arms tightly around Castle's middle, hugging him from behind. She was rewarded when Castle turned in her arms and returned the embrace.

"I am too," Castle breathed, pulling her tighter against him. "I am so sorry. I shouldn't be taking out all of my feelings on you. You deserve better…so much better than me."

"Shh," Kate lifted her finger to his lips as she saw tears building in his eyes, "Don't say that." He nodded in reply, burying his nose in her hair. He closed his eyes. For a long moment, they stayed like that embracing and holding eachother as they tried to offer the other comfort.

"Please don't ever leave me," Castle breathed. Kate closed her eyes, struggling not to cry. She didn't want to leave him, and part of her wondered if she'd be able to do it.

"I don't want to," Kate breathed. Castle let out a deep sigh and kissed the top of her head before he finally released his hold on her.

As they broke apart Kate finally remarked.

"Wow, Castle," Kate reached out to gently run her hand over the mare's side. "She's such a beautiful horse." Castle nodded.

"She is," Castle replied. "She's wonderful."

"What breed is she?" Kate asked softly.

"She's a Palamino," Castle replied.

"Does she have a name?" Kate whispered as she looked into her expressive brown eyes.

"Serenity," Caste replied. "Kind of fitting, don't you think?" He joked softly. "At least it seemed fitting to me when I got her. She's always been like this. So calm…peaceful. Sometimes when I feel like I'm losing my mind, I'll come out here and just spend some time with her. There's just something about her that mellows me out."

"You ever let her run?" Kate asked softly, admiring the mare's musculature. The horse truly was beautiful.

"Yeah," Castle replied. "On occasion. You wouldn't believe how fast she can go. She's deceptively fast…graceful." She watched as a thought seemingly occurred to him. His eyes darted to his watch then over to where the saddle was perched in the corner. "Actually," he said with a glint in his eyes, "You fancy going for a ride?"

"Sure," Kate replied. She stood back and watched as Castle quickly fitted her with a saddle. He opened the stall all the way and led the beautiful deep brown Palamino horse outside and into the sunlight. Kate watched and observed the horse's calm demeanor as te horse kicked up some dust purely for its own amusement. Kate watched as he expertly stepped up and settled on her back.

"You sure she can carry the two of us?" Kate asked with a furrowed brow.

"You hardly count as a person," Castle wraggled his eyebrows. Kate's eyes much have flashed because he quickly added. "Oh come on. You know what I mean. What I meant was…that you're tiny. She'll have no problem." Kate swallowed nervously. Castle slowly extended his hand out, while holding on tightly to the reins in the other. Reluctantly, Kate slipped one boot into the empty stirrup dangling at the horse's side and settled into the saddle closely behind Castle.

"Okay. Hang on tight," Castle instructed. Kate promptly wrapped her arms tightly around Castle's middle. She jumped slightly as Castle kicked the horse and started her into a fast trot quickly picking up speed. By the time they reached the far side of the field, Serenity was moving at a brisk run. Kate yelped as they jumped a shallow fence. The feeling of adrenaline coursing through her brain was enough to make her feel slightly crazy.

"Whoa," Kate giggled as she held on for dear life.

"A little different from a motorcycle, huh?" Castle teased as they traveled briskly towards a mountain trail nearby.

"You're one to talk," Kate shot back. "How you ever made the transformation from city boy to country cowboy, I'll never know. I mean who would ever thought that Rick Castle would go from a driving a Ferrari to riding a Palamino." Castle only chuckled.

"Which is hotter, do you think," he asked finally as they began to ascend a nearby trail, "the city boy or the cowboy?"

"Hey. They're both pretty hot," Kate husked in his ear, prompting Castle to let out a groan. She let out a laugh, giving him an extra squeeze before she laid her head against his back. It seemed to take a while longer but they finally made it wherever Castle had intended. Serentiy came to a stop, and Castle quickly dismounted and tied the horse up to a post before he helped Beckett hop down. Kate took a deep breath and a look around. Her breath hitched in her throat. Castle whipped around to make sure the brunette was okay. Castle realized he couldn't have planned it any better as his eyes found what it was that had elicited such a response. A smile became plastered on his face as he watched the sun start to sink in the sky.

"Come on," Castle ordered as he grabbed Kate's hand.

"You mean we're still not there?" Kate asked as they locked eyes.

"Just a little further," Castle egged her on. She nodded, letting him lead her up another thirty yards or so. By the time they reached the top, Kate was starting to feel like she was on top of the world. Where they were now, you could see for what seemed like hundreds of miles. Kate had never seen or felt anything as profound as she had in that moment.

"My goodness. This is…incredible," Kate breathed in awe as delicate, orange, pink, and purple painted the sky into one of the most beautiful sights imaginable. "It feels like a gift." Kate closed here eyes as she felt two warm arms wrap around her from behind and hold her tight. She nestled against him, covering his arms with her own.

"I come up here sometimes to watch the sunset," Castle revealed softly. "I can't tell you how many times I've been up here and wished that I could share it with you. Even if it is only one time. I'm glad that I have finally gotten that chance." Kate turned and buried her face into his neck and nuzzled him softly. Castle closed his own eyes, just holding her.

"Who says it's only going to be this one time," Kate challenged softly. "I may have to go back to New York, but that doesn't mean I won't be back every chance I get." She let out out a sigh and then settled back against him in a way that allowed her to watch the sunset while still allowing her to feel close to him.

"I love you," Kate breathed softly as she twined one of her hands with Castle's.

"I know," Castle replied honestly. "I do too."

They stayed like that until the sun disappeared beneath the horizon and the heat started to dissipate, a coldness taking its place.

* * *

"Come on," Castle encouraged softly as he detected a shiver in Kate's body. "Let's get you back to the house before it gets dark and you get too cold." Kate accepted his hand and held him close as they headed back for the barn. It was getting dark quickly. When they got back, Kate helped Castle care for the mare that had taken them to such a beautiful place.

"She is a wonderful horse," Kate smiled, as she refilled the water basin and food basin, while Castle removed the sadle and brushed her. "So gentle and sweet."

"It's funny that you should say that," Castle murmured softly.

"Why is that?" Kate inquired.

"Because she reminds me of you," Castle spoke without dwelling on that fact, "It's one of the things that drew me to her in the first place. "She's strong, graceful, but kind, and incredibly compassionate and sensitive." Kate closed her eyes. He would never know just what those words meant to her. She turned around to find him studying her. Slowly, she walked towards him. First, she took one one step and then another. As she came to a stop in front of him he asked, "Did I say too much?"

"No," Kate punctuated as pulled him in for a kiss.

Several hours later, she lay curled up against him, her breathing heavy. She looked down upon the man beneath her with twinkling green eyes. She stared softly into them, and suddenly her breathing ceased. It felt like she was falling.

"I love you," Kate breathed, dropping down to lay upon him. She could hear his heartbeat, feel it against her cheek as she did so.

"I love you too," Castle breathed in reply, his fingers raking through her hair. Kate turned her head, and her eyes came to rest on the pictures before her. As the question became fresh in her mind, she lifted herself back up to look at her lover.

"I meant to ask," She spoke softly as she reached out for one of the pictures. "Where did you get these?" Castle shifted so that he was sitting up, propped up against the headboard. With a smile he reached out for the picture and took it from Kate's hand.

"Oh," Castle smiled. "I umm…I hacked into Alexis' Facebook account," he chuckled. "I know that it probably sounds creepy, but I lost all of my pictures and I just…I needed to be able to see you guys." Kate's heart swelled as she saw the love in Castle's eyes as he looked at that picture. "This one," he indicated the picture of him and Kate from the benefit. "I found online. It was from the benefit we went to. I had a friend print a copy for me and had it framed. It was more wishful thinking than anything else…it's just. I had a really good time that night."

"Me too," Kate agreed. Suddenly, she was shifting, crawling out of bed.

"Where are you going?" Castle asked softly.

"Just a second," Kate swallowed as she made her way over to her bag. She could feel Castle's eyes on her naked body, but tried not to feel too self-conscious. After all, it had become clear during their passionate love-making that Castle loved every single inch of her body, every millimeter. Kate unzipped her bag and pulled out a small package wrapped in brown paper. She pulled it out and walked back to bed, flipping on the lamp on the bedside table. "I just remembered. I brought you something. A couple something's…actually."

"Katherine Beckett," he teased as he gently took it from her. "You are just one surprise after the next, aren't you."

"Mmm," Kate replied with a neither here nor there attitude. "Now open it!"

"Now?" Castle's eyes twinkled.

"Yep," Kate confirmed, "Now." Castle did as he was instructed, ripping open the brown paper. She watched as the grown man sitting next to her was left fighting back tears. He ran his fingers over the glass and the people beneath it. Staring back at him were Kevin Ryan, Javier Esposito, Lanie Parish, Melanie Jacobs, Alexis, and Martha. She stroked his face softly as she spoke. "So you always know that you're not alone in this. We all love you." Castle nodded and swallowed. "Flip it over," she commanded softly. Castle did as he was told. He squeezed his eyes shut as he stared back at a picture taken of him and Alexis, and she knew he was on the edge of losing it. She watched as he opened them again. He picked up two sealed envelopes and flipped them over. He recognized Alexis' handwriting immediately and ripped open the envelope. Kate watched as he unfolded what was inside and started reading.

Her heart ached as she watched a tear seep from his eyes and trail down his cheek. "Please," Kate's voice was soft. "Don't cry."

"I…I'm sorry," Castle apologized as he frantically reached up to wipe at his tears. "They're happy tears. I promise." Castle choked out. "She…she still loves me."

"Castle," Kate breathed. "Of course she still loves you."

He held up a picture Alexis had slipped inside. "Look how beautiful she is. I swear she gets more beautiful with each passing day." Castle cleared his throat as he ripped open Martha's letter and read it in its entirety. He nearly took Kate's breath away when he finished and looked over to meet her eyes.

"Thank you," Castle breathed sincerely. Kate felt a heat work its way up her neck. "Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for being the strong one when I can't be."

"Anything for you," she promised, as she brushed away the remainder of his tears. "I mean it…I will do anything for you."

* * *

**_Please Read and Review! I hope you liked it! More to come soon! I promise! Thanks to all who've stuck by this story!_**


	7. Time Turned Fragile

_**A/N: Okay so this update is a bit shorter than usual, but I wanted to make sure I got something posted. I'm going to be on the road the next couple of days, and I hope to do more writing then. As much as my computer battery permits anyways. This update has a little bit of everything, angst, emotion, fluff, tearful moments. I mean seriously, this chapter has the whole works. I really hope that you like it. I started off with a flashback because I kind of dumped you all in the middle of things at the beginnings of this story. Then comes the long awaited reunion with Alexis and his mother. I really really hope that this chapter doesn't disappoint.**_

_**Title: Ask Me How Much I Love You **_

_**Chapter: Time Turned Fragile**_

_**Disclaimer: Sadly the amazing show that is Castle does not belong to me, nor does Nathan Fillion (as amazing as he his)!**_

_**Spoilers: A play on spoilers from Anatomy of a Murder. Kate tells Castle that she would break him out of prison. Castle sees this as a sign of Love.**_

_**Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)**_

* * *

"_Dad, which movie do you want to watch?" Alexis called from the other room as he watched the popcorn pop through its final thirty seconds. He opened up several of the cupboards as he searched for the appropriate sized bowl. Normally, he knew exactly where to look, but tonight he had trouble organizing his thoughts. He felt anxious, and though he tried to act calm, his resolve seemed to waver more with each passing minute. Something was wrong, and it got harder to ignore that fact as the bad feeling in the pit of his stomach continued to grow. His anxiety over the past few months had grown past the point where it ate away at him emotionally to the point where it ruined him both physically and emotionally. Sleep evaded him. And in the rare times he was able to lull himself into sleep he found himself in the midst of vivid, frightening nightmares. In all senses of the word, his whole __**life**__ had become a __**nightmare**__ and there was no escaping it._

"_Your pick, pumpkin," Castle called back. "If I recall correctly, it's your pick tonight." He found the bowl he was looking for and set it on the counter. He looked to the door, which seemed to loom over him as he realized exactly what it symbolized. He wasn't sure if it was a trick of the light but someone seemed to be moving on the other side. He could see shadows play on the semi-opaque windows on either side of the main doorframe. He swallowed, his throat thick with words and fears he could not express aloud. He set the popcorn on the counter, and left it, as a small bang erupted outside. _

_In a split second, he whirled around and headed for the living room. Alexis looked up from the projector as she started the movie. Castle's expression must have been betraying his current feelings because as Alexis met his eyes only one question fell from her lips._

"_Dad, what's wrong?" Alexis straightened up, taking a step forwards. He looked as if he needed comforting._

"_Listen, Alexis," Castle tried to keep his voice calm and even. He didn't want her to be frightened. "I need you to go up to your room, and lock the door."_

"_What's going on?" Alexis' eyes flashed with concern._

"_I think someone's here. I think they're coming for me," Castle breathed as his jaw tightened uncomfortably._

"_Don't be ridiculous," Alexis replied. "You said that they ruled you out as a suspect."_

"_I know I did," Castle choked out as he pulled his daughter into a tight hug, keeping a vice grip on her. "Listen, Alexis, no matter what happens. I…I need you to know," Castle's voice broke as he choked up. "I…I've made some mistakes in my life, but I have never laid a hand on anyone. I have never hurt anyone unless it was for Kate's protection…"_

"_Dad," Alexis tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let her. "I know that."_

"_I love you, pumpkin," Castle barely breathed. _

"_I love you too, Dad," Alexis replied as tears seeped from her eyes. "It's…It's bad isn't it?"_

"_Yes." The terse response couldn't have frightened her anymore. "Now go. Quickly! Call Kate and tell her…tell her to call this man." Castle handed her a card to one of the cities most prominent defense attorneys. This time the bang outside of their apartment and the knock on their door was unmistakable. Alexis took one last look of her father and rushed up the stairs as a loud voice echoed throughout their loft. "Richard Castle, open up! This is the NYPD!" Castle turned, walking back towards the door. Before he could make it halfway through the entryway. The door burst open and a sea of navy rushed inside. He tried not to grunt as two men in heavy Kevlar tackled him to the ground, forcing his face against the grain of the wood as they pulled his arms behind his back. Castle closed his eyes as cold metal met his inner wrists, the cuffs fashioned extra tightly around him. It felt like the metal was cutting into his wrists and he flexed his hands as he tried to make them a little more comfortable. He couldn't hold back the grunt that came from his lips as they wrenched him up from the floor. "Richard Castle, you are under arrest for the murder of Richard Hugherty," A voice spoke in his ear as they walked him towards the door. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you can't afford one, one will be appointed for you."_

_Castle didn't speak a single word as two, not so kind men, dragged him out of his own apartment. Castle's eyes opened wide as they neared the end of the hall and happened on the last person that he ever expected to see at a moment like this. Suddenly, his fears and his curiosity got the better of him and he couldn't help but wonder if she had betrayed him. Kate must have read his expression because she met his eyes and quickly spoke. She held out her arms, blocking their progress and single-handedly stopping the two officers who were shoving Rick Castle down the hallway._

"_Miss," one of the men spat at her, "This man has been placed under arrest for murder."_

"_I'm well aware of that fact by now. After all, I **am** an **NYPD detective**," Kate spat back as she pulled her badge, "And I expect you to extend me some courtesy! I want a word with this man."_

"_Anything he says can still be used against him in a court of law," they threatened. _

"_I know that," Castle hissed angrily. He couldn't bear the pain in his chest as Kate reached out to touch his cheek, never letting her eyes leave his. _

"_I know that you're afraid," Kate swallowed, "But I want you to know that I didn't have anything to do with this. Rick, you know I'm on your side. I need you to know that."_

"_I didn't do it. I…I never hurt anyone," Rick spoke urgently. "Kate, I never hurt anyone."_

"_I know," she breathed aloud. Castle closed his eyes. Her hand was so warm against his cheek. "I don't know how, but I'm going to fix this. I'm going to get you out of this."_

"_Okay," one of the men's voices cut in with venom, "Time's up. Come on." Castle grunted as he was yanked forwards and Kate was not so kindly shoved out of the way. Castle turned his head, yelling over his shoulder, "Take care of Alexis for me!"_

_Castle tried not to scream as another punch landed hard on his side. He'd never expected such a side trip on the way to booking, but the cops had decided to send him a clear-cut and unmistakable message._

"_Tell me," one of the boys in blue hissed. "How does it feel? All that time doing 'book' research just so you could learn how to kill someone and get away with it? Well, guess what. Game over. You got caught." Castle didn't bother to reply. He knew that none of them wanted to hear what he wanted to say. They'd made that abundantly clear. Castle sank to his knees as a fist to his stomach sent him down. A hand latched around his shirt, pulling him back to his feet so he could sustain another beating. It was like a cycle that would never end. He gritted his jaw against itself, grinding his teeth in order to keep from crying out as they took turns beating him to the brink of consciousness. Kicks driven hard into his ribcage knocked the air from his lungs. When they were finally done they let him drop to the slick pavement and let him lay there, gasping for breath. Castle could smell the fresh rain in the air, he could feel the cool moisture on his face, keeping him from sleep. It was a play on the senses for someone on the brink of consciousness. It was safe to say that Castle had never seen this side of the boys in blue before, and he was sure that he ever wanted to live through this again. He stared at the pavement that lay against his cheek, studying the grains in it. He lay still, just breathing as he tried to remember one reason not to abandon all hope now. Castle groaned as someone acted like they were going to pick him up off of the ground but only slammed his head against the pavement, once, twice, three times. Now it was time to beg for his life._

"_P-Please," he choked out, feeling cold taking over his drenched body as he lay on the concrete. "S-stop. Please. I didn't hurt anyone. D-Don't. Please. I…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."_ Kate froze as she stepped just inside the door. She'd been downstairs packing for a small trip. Alexis and Martha were headed for Oregon's capital, and Kate was responsible for getting her and Castle where they needed to be. She'd been about to wake him as Castle had been asleep for a long time now. He rolled back and forth on the mattress, obviously distressed. He kept whimpering, whining, begging for whomever it was to stop. She felt her own heart stop. "O-Officer…Please…Please…" Then she was rushing over, he was covered in sweat, and the sheets were drenched with it. Kate was immediately unsettled. She hadn't left him alone for long, but whatever dream or emotion he was stuck in now was a violent and emotional one that was taking a toll on his body. He wasn't just dreaming it. He was reliving it, and Kate needed to get him to stop.

"Castle," Kate's voice was urgent as she shook him. "Castle, calm down. Wake up! Castle! It's just a dream. It's a bad dream. Castle!" She shook him particularly hard and he shot up, his chest heaving. Kate let out a grunt as his arm shoved her away without any warning connecting with her stomach forcefully. She rolled off the other side of the bed and landed on the balls of her feet, gasping as her lungs strained to suddenly replace the air they'd lost. She reprimanded herself quickly as she realized her mistake. She should have known better than to get close. He'd felt threatened in his dream, and hadn't come out of it completely just yet. His body still reacted on instinct.

Still, it didn't stop the horrified look on Castle's face as he realized what he'd done. He took one look at her and fled, rushing for the master bathroom. Before she could stop him, he slammed the door shut, sealing himself inside, and locked it behind him. Kate sighed as she called his name repeatedly. "Castle. Castle, please. I know that you didn't mean it," Kate said as she let her forehead brush against the cool wood of the door. She could hear him breathing heavily on the other side. "They beat you didn't they? They said that they needed to stop for gas on the way to booking," Kate closed her eyes, trying to stop the tears from spilling out as she imagined the scenario herself. "They pulled you out of the back of the cruiser, dragged you out back where no one would see you, and took turns trying to make you scream. When they finally got you to booking and got raised eyebrows from the warden, they blamed you. Said you fought back… Even though you took every punch of theirs without so much as a struggle or a sound."

"Stop it," Castle snapped back.

"But that's what happened," Kate swallowed. "Isn't it?"

"I said stop it. Just leave me alone," he begged.

"Castle," Kate breathed, her own voice thick with emotion.

"Just go away," Castle's voice was cold and biting.

"Castle, please," Kate apologized from the depths of her heart for something she knew was completely out of her control. "I'm so sorry."

"Kate, you-you don't understand," Castle breathed. "So just stop. Please. You have no idea what it was like. You'll never know what it was like." Kate let out a deep breath. She waited for him to say something more. "I thought they were going to kill me."

"You're right," she breathed, "And I'm sorry. For all the times that the NYPD turned a blind eye to cases like yours, where a prisoner in their custody showed up with unexplained bruising. I'm sorry for every bruise you received that night. It… It kills me to even imagine the sort of things you went through." Tears were falling freely now. "Rick, I'm so sorry." Kate turned so that her back pressed against the grain and slid down to the floor, while cradling her head in her hands. She fell slightly backwards as the door unexpectedly opened. Rick caught her from behind. Lifting her as he slipped his arms under hers and pulled upwards. Slowly she turned around to face him. He sighed, as he reached up to wipe away her tears. He brushed his forehead against hers as he closed his eyes.

"Don't do yourself an injustice and even associate yourself with those men," Castle pleaded. "They were nothing but cowards. Poachers. You, Katherine Beckett, have one of the most beautiful hearts I've ever seen. You would never raise a hand against someone unless they raised one against you or someone you love directly first."

"Speaking of which," Kate breathed heavily, "Do you remember their names?"

"No," Castle replied a little too quickly.

"Castle," Kate spoke firmly, "Tell me their names."

"No," Castle replied as he swallowed and pulled back.

"I'm serious," Kate breathed as her doe-like green eyes held Castle's.

"I know you are," Castle breathed.

"You said that I would never raise a hand against someone who hasn't raised one against me or someone I love directly," she swallowed. "Well they did that. When they so much as touched you, they offended me. So, yeah, I want to know what their names are."

"Haven't you ever heard that when someone strikes you across the face you should turn the other cheek and let them strike you again?" Castle asked.

"Yeah, I've heard of it," Kate replied with a bit of sarcasm, "The fact is, that if everyone practiced those teachings in their own lives, I wouldn't have a job. Unfortunately, people who are wronged feel the need to take revenge on those who they feel wronged them.

"Not me," Castle choked out. "And not you."

"So that's it?" Kate swallowed. "They beat you half to death and they get to continue doing it to others?"

"There is no way you can prove they did anything to me or anyone else," Castle grumbled. "Kate, treating violence with violence only makes the world a brutal, sinful place as you just so kindly pointed out." He looked away. "I will not make it any worse than it is now. Besides, they can't touch me here."

"What happens when you go back?" Kate asked, as she brushed some of his hair from his face.

"Don't be ridiculous," Castle scoffed, "We both know that's never going to happen. You said it yourself, Kate. It's a mess." Kate flinched away as the prominent look of strength and resolve on her composed features was overtaken by something much more raw. She felt suddenly wounded. Castle sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I guess I just have a hard time being optimistic about any of it."

"And I know that I'm acting naïve," Kate breathed, "Perhaps I even come across as stupid, but I have to hope, Rick. Because otherwise? What's left? Am I really supposed to be able to accept that this is what the rest of our lives are going to be like? Because I don't want us to just accept it. I don't want constantly go back and forth. I don't want something temporary, Rick, I want something permanent. For a long time before this happened, I thought about what it would be like to marry you, to raise a family with you. How are we supposed to do that now? I…I live in New York."

"No one's asking you to do this Kate," Rick choked out finally. She could see the muscles in his jaw tighten, as he purposefully avoided Kate's eyes.

"I know that," Kate sighed not adding anymore to that particular thought or reply.

Rick closed his eyes. It was about time he realized that she wasn't going to offer. She wasn't going to offer to stay with him, and he knew he'd never be able to ask her to do it himself. Sure, he wanted to ask her to stay with him permanently, but knew he could ask no such thing of her. All of Kate's friends were in New York. And her father lived in the states as well.

"So," Kate swallowed, trying to alter the somber mood suddenly lying like a blanket between them, "I planned a small trip for us for the next couple days. I called into work, and it sounded like you had the time off anyways."

"A trip?" Castle's brow furrowed, "Do I get to know where we're going?"

"Nope," Kate replied, a playful look on her features.

"Kate," Castle grumbled, "I'd really rather not travel… "

"Castle," Kate cut in, "The trip has is already happening. Whether you are coming willingly or not, we're leaving in an hour and a half."

"Okay. You know what? I'm going to take a shower," Rick choked out, effectively ending their conversation. "You do whatever the heck you want to do." Kate stared at him dumbly as he retreated back into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him again. Kate stared, her jaw open. She kicked herself for making such a comment. Why did it seem like there was nothing that either of them could say without wounding the other? Most of the time she only saw hurt etched into Castle's features, his eyes spoke volumes. The man was in constant agonizing pain, and she felt like she couldn't do anything to solve it.

* * *

A minute or so later, she tried the handle to find it unlocked. Steam wafted through the air as water gushed loudly from the pipes. Kate reached down to the hem of her shift pulling over her head and dropping it to the floor at her feet. She reached around her back, unclasping her bra. It too, was dropped to the floor with the growing pile of clothes. Kate unbuttoned her pants, still hoping to go unnoticed. Finally, her underwear followed. She tip-toed along the floor to the shower and opened the door. As Castle turned around in surprise she pushed him against the wall, and pushed herself under the spray as she kissed him with raw passion. Castle happily reacted, pulling her hips close as he kissed her back. She cried into his mouth as his right hand pulled up on her left thigh as she wrapped her leg around his back. It was hard to get a tight grip as the water made it quite hard to gain traction. Kate moaned into Rick's mouth as his tongue invaded, hungrily attacking hers. How they could go from a minute like the one they'd just had, to this, she had no idea. All she knew is that she loved the man standing in front of her and that they were going to make it work somehow.

"What about…?" Castle asked as he prepared to enter her.

"Don't worry about it," Kate panted heavily. Her body was aching for his already.

"But you know what could happen if…" Castle protested.

"Castle," Kate stated firmly, kissing him hard, "Believe me. I know what this means. I know what can happen. I'm not…that stupid…"

"Who ever implied that you were stupid?" Castle husked in her ear, as he took the lobe into his mouth, stealing most of Kate's coherent thought, "Because I might just have to rearrange their face… The Kate Beckett I know is purely brilliant."

"Mmm," Kate moaned as his lips attached themselves to her neck. "You know you're making it kind of hard to think right now, Castle?"

"Oh that's the point, Katherine Beckett. That's the point," Castle chuckled before taking her in the shower. Yet another moment that no one could ever take from them.

* * *

An hour later, Castle rode shotgun as they left the house. Kate stole his keys and refused to give them back.

"You don't even know where we're going," she reminded him kindly as he'd given her his best candid pouting expression.

"And I'm just supposed to believe you know your way around Canada already?" Castle inquired.

"Try not to sound too surprised," Kate replied, "But I actually have some family in Canada. Though not exactly this far out west."

"Where?" Castle asked as he shifted in the front seat.

"They're out in Ontario, near Toronto," Kate replied with a shrug of her shoulders. "You know, you would have made things a lot easier if you had just stayed out East somewhere. At least I don't have to fly a couple thousand miles to see you that way."

"Sorry," Castle replied, looking away. "I always tend to ruin everything, don't I?"

"Hey," Kate's hand reached out to grab his and she gave it a reassuring squeeze. "I didn't mean to upset you. It was more of a joke than anything…" Castle nodded, though he made no reply. They drove in silence for a while until Castle turned on some music. Kate smiled. It was jazzy music that had really strong trumpet, trombone, and alto saxophone runs. It was definitely mellow, and she liked it that way. Every so often she would steal a look at Castle to find him staring out the window.

He made no major attempts to thwart her plans, even when they stopped for gas. He just got back into the passenger side without so much as another sound. It wasn't until they neared a sign, saying they were approaching the Canadian/American border that Castle freaked out.

"Kate," he swallowed, "What the hell are you doing?" He's asked as he reached over to check the GPS. When he figured out that this was all part of the plan he'd turned to her and with his best glare, said, "No way. Absolutely not."

"Castle," Kate choked out, "You're going to have to get over your fear of the border sometime anyways." Castle still looked very uncomfortable.

"Kate I didn't even bring my passport," he breathed, as his hands clenched into fists, "I don't even _have_ an _actual_ passport."

"Yes you do," Kate replied, "I pulled it out from your desk." She held it out for inspection.

"I never asked for this," Castle said. "Kate, I'm serious." Kate let out a sigh as she pulled onto the side of the road, and put the car in park.

"Castle, look at me," Kate pleaded. He had no problem following her instruction. He met her eyes, albeit, he did so rather sheepishly. "Look," she started, trying to keep her voice calm, "This is a perfectly crafted passport. We're only going to be in the country for all of _two_ _days_. And I _promise_ you, the ordeal will be more than worth it in the end. I _promise_ you."

"I can't afford to take risks like this, Kate," Castle choked out as he ran his hands roughly over his face. "Out of everyone, I thought _you_ would understand that."

"You'll thank me later," Kate promised.

"I don't have to say a word?" Castle inquired anxiously.

"Well," she swallowed, looking at him, "A friendly hello might do you some good. Castle, we're all officers of the law. A smile is all it takes." She shifted the car back into gear. And Castle dug his fingers into the denim of his jeans as they waited. Kate waited anxiously herself, willing the passenger in her car to relax a bit. She never realized just how much of a fear of the border Castle had developed over the last year.

When they finally were stopped at the toll booth and handed over she handed over both of their passports, greeting the attendant.

"Morning officer," she smiled.

"Good morning," he replied, "What brings you to the U.S. today?"

"Purely pleasure," Kate smiled, "We're taking a small vacation. I'm taking my friend to see some sights."

"How long do you plan on staying?" he inquired, leaning down to peer into the car. Castle forced a smile. It looked more like a grimace to Kate, but the custom's agent seemed to accept it.

"Just a couple days," Castle gritted out in his best bubbly tone. "Then it's back to work."

"Alright," he double checked each passport and handed them back, "Well, enjoy your stay in America, Ms. Beckett, and Mr. Halloway!"

"Thank you," Kate offered a sincere smile as she accepted to two small navy blue booklets. Both had a new stamp on them under the day's date. "We will. You have a good day." The man nodded and Kate sped forward. By the time she stole another look at Castle about a couple miles away. He looked green.

"Pull over," he choked out and she did. Before the car even came close to a complete stop, Castle jumped out. He rushed forwards into the grass, and hunched over as he got violently sick. By the time Kate was out and rubbing his back, he was already nearly finished. She let out a sigh, closing her eyes as she hugged him from behind.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he wiped his mouth on a towel Kate handed him. "You're right. It was about time I faced my fears. I just never realized just how many memories I had that I never wanted to relive." He swallowed, "I nearly didn't make it the last time, but that was a year ago and a couple thousand miles away." Kate nodded, and led him back to the car.

"Come on," Kate breathed softly, "You want to drive for a while? It'll take your mind off of things."

"You sure?" Castle grunted.

Kate nodded and hopped in the driver's seat. "No cheating though, just follow the GPS. No peaking at the destination." Castle chuckled, bemused at Kate's determination to surprise him.

"Astoria," Castle swallowed as the GPS told him to get onto highway 101. "Is that where we're going?"

"Unfortunately not," Kate replied. "It was easier for us to meet in Portland."

"Really?" Castle's brow furrowed. "And who are we meeting?"

"You really expect me to spoil the surprise?" Kate beamed. "I think not."

"You're evil," he joked.

"But you still love me anyways," Kate replied knowingly with a smile reserved especially for him.

"Mmm," Castle choked out with a non-committal reply. Kate slugged him gently in the arm and he smiled back. Boy was Kate a feisty one. They continued to drive. Most of the day had already ticked by. Finally, he turned into the airport short term parking as Kate instructed. Hand in hand, they walked inside. Kate checked a departures/arrivals board, smiling when she saw Alexis and Martha's flight had arrived ten minutes ago. They were probably taxiing to the runway as they stood there. Finally, Kate tugged Castle in the direction of the Gate.

"Come on, Castle, time to see your surprise," Kate smiled. They stood off to one side of the gate, watching a large number of people who came through. There was no amount of money in the world that could have overcome the amount of happiness that could be seen on Castle's features as Alexis, Ashley, and Martha came into view. Alexis was the first to see her father.

"Dad!" Alexis dropped her bag and broke out into a run. Castle met her halfway, scooping her up into his arms as he twirled her around.

"Alexis!" Castle was barely able to choke out the name as tears flowed from his cheeks with reckless abandon. There were no words for the moment Kate witnessed. It made her heart race in her chest. It made her feel alive. Just to see a father and daughter reunited made every struggle of the last day worth it. It made the last year worth it. She looked on, feeling as if she was intruding. Quickly, she wished to disappear, not wanting to steal the moment. Before she could disappear, however, Alexis called her name. Kate moved quickly to the pair, exchanging an embrace as they all became like one big happy family.

Castle pulled her into an embrace of his own. He buried her face in her neck as he whispered a few heartfelt words. "I don't know how you did this, but thank you. I'll never be able to thank you enough."

"I meant it when I said I'd do anything for you," Kate breathed back, pulling him into an impassioned kiss. "Come on. We need to check into the hotel. Then we can go out for dinner and catch up. Hmm?" Castle nodded. He took a brief minute with his own mother, hugging her as she wiped away her son's tears. Kate swallowed, truly amazed at just how strong their bond was.

When Kate had rushed off to see Castle she'd wanted to make sure she found him and that he could be reached. Then immediately she thought of reuniting him with his family. It was important that he experience this moment because it gave him something to hold on to. Of course, she wished she could be enough by herself, but that simply just wasn't so. Castle needed his daughter most of all. She knew how heavily it weighed on him that he'd missed out on the last year with her. He'd missed her going off to school.

* * *

Time flew by. They went to a nice dinner, and the smile could not be taken from Castle's lips, not even if the world had started to collapse around them. He could not stop smiling because he was with the people he loved most in the world. He took Ashley aside, and thanked him for taking care of his daughter. He asked about the man's intentions with his own daughter, deciding he needed to have the chat sooner than later. After all, Ashley was very grown up for a man his age. Castle wasn't surprised to find out that he and Alexis were still very serious about eachother, though things had been difficult between them when Alexis was forced to sever ties with her father. He gave Ashley his official blessing, knowing that it was the best thing he could do. Castle thought for a long moment as he walked through the streets of Portland. He'd allowed the girls to go off shopping together, while he and Ashley had their heart to heart chat. He wanted Kate to be his, but marriage was not even a question for them. He finally paused outside of a nice looking jewelry store, Bay Street Jewelers. He walked inside, determined to find something for Kate. It had to be humble, since he no longer had the kind of means he'd once had in New York, but he found something perfect. He already had it planned in his mind. Before she left, he would make sure she knew he was hers completely and would ask the same of her. He knew she was too beautiful. She would get plenty of attention in the city. He wanted her to know that he was always waiting for her. He didn't want to lose her to another man, because if that happened, he honestly wasn't sure what he'd do or how he'd get past it. As he slipped out of the store, he slipped the small velvet box into his jacket pocket, and not a moment too soon. For as he and Ashley walked around the corner, they nearly ran smack into Martha, Kate, and Alexis, who all had a bag in their hand.

"Hey," Kate seemed to notice his apprehension because her brows rose. "You two have fun?" Ashley and Castle nodded, neither willing to give away the others intentions.

"Good," she smiled, checking her father's watch. "You want to head back to the hotel? It's getting late."

"Yeah," Castle swallowed, checking his own, "It's getting late."

On the way back to the hotel, the girls chatted about all of the cute shops they'd managed to find downtown. It seemed that his pockets were still emptying at a moderate rate. But he could only smile. He was happy to see that they women in his life were still in such good shape.

Long after the others went to bed, Castle sat on a lounging chair with his daughter curled up against him on the hotel balcony, which looked out over the Williamette River. He couldn't bring himself to move. He tried to savor every moment. He knew in another day she would be ripped away from him again. But in no way did he plan on waiting so long to see his daughter again. Kate slipped into the adjoined room, where Alexis, Ashley, and Martha were staying and tiptoed out to the balcony. She found herself missing her lover as she tried to sleep. Her heart squeezed as she found them both asleep. It was warm out, so she wasn't terribly worried about them getting too cold. Still, she grabbed a blanket and covered them both. She kissed the top of Castle's head, wishing him a peaceful serene sleep. She expected he'd find comfort with Alexis so close by. Finally, she tiptoed back to bed, and slipped under the covers. Sleep came easily. Her soul felt at peace right now.

* * *

_**Please read and review! Please let me know if you like it and if you want more. I hope to go into a little more detail with all of the characters with the next one.**_


	8. Heavy In Your Arms

_**A/N: Hello, guys. It seems like I owe you another apology. I always take so long to updates. And this time, my only excuse is writer's block. For that reason, this update is shorter than usual, but I wanted to make sure I got something posted before you all came after me with pitchforks. The good news I have for you all is that the next pivotal chapter is already written and all I need to do now is fill in the timeframe with some fillers. I've crafted this update to the best of my ability. I'm not exactly happy with it per say, but I think I'm just stuck in one of the those funks, because I don't seem to be pleased with anything I write. Despite that fact, I really hope that you like it. I'm really really hoping that this chapter doesn't disappoint you all.**_

_**Title: Ask Me How Much I Love You**_

_**Chapter: Heavy In Your Arms**_

_**Disclaimer: Sadly the amazing show that is Castle does not belong to me, nor does Nathan Fillion (as amazing as he his)!**_

_**Spoilers: A play on spoilers from Anatomy of a Murder. Kate tells Castle that she would break him out of prison. Castle sees this as a sign of Love.**_

_**Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)**_

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Castle felt as if he might burst with happiness as Alexis skipped along happily next to him. She made a show of it, and Castle couldn't help but adore and admire his beautiful young daughter. Martha walked in front of them, carrying a small parasol to shade her from the harsh effects of the bright sun. The sky was a clear deep blue, the deepest blue he'd seen in a long time, and the sun was warm on his cheek. He held Alexis' hand tightly in his right hand, and Kate's tightly in his left as they moseyed along the pathway in one of Portland's large rose gardens. Ashley held on to Alexis' other hand and so they formed a small line across the pathway. Ever so often they'd break it, to let others by, but for the most part they traveled in a small line.

"This place is so beautiful," Alexis remarked as they looked around. "Oh look at those flowers over there."

"I just can't get over how beautiful the day is, in general," Castle replied. The temperature was warm, but not overly so. If he had to guess Castle would have estimated that the temperature was hovering around 80 degrees. The air was dry, as opposed to humid, and the breeze was just strong enough to where it kept them very comfortable. "It couldn't be any more perfect if we'd planned it."

Castle felt a sudden tug on his arm as Kate came to a stop. He nearly laughed at her cuteness as she bent down over a small rose bush, and inhaled. Castle, practicing his quick reflexes pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of her as she closed her eyes. She was smiling, and it warmed Castle's heart. As she sprang up, he slipped it back into his pocket, and acted none the wiser. Alexis giggled, and as Kate looked away briefly, Castle attempted to quiet her. Alexis smiled good naturedly, and looked away. Lucky for him, Ashley had taken sudden interest in another plant on the other side of the pathway and tugged Alexis off in another direction, leaving Castle standing dumbly in the middle of the path. Castle chuckled, taking it all in stride. Martha turned around flashed him a smile.

"Did you see where Kate went off to?" he asked his mother as he briefly looked around for the young brunette and realized that somewhere in all of the commotion he'd lost her.

"Try that pathway there," she inclined her head towards another pathway. "I'm just going to go on ahead. I see some benches up ahead and I could stand to get off my feet for a couple of minutes."

"Thanks, mother," He smiled gratefully. She made a small gesture indicating that it was nothing and continued on her merry way. Castle sighed and started walking on a small path off to his right. He'd never seen roses that particular color before. They were almost violet, but were almost smoky in appearance. He couldn't get over it. The flowers were so fragrant; In many ways it was an onslaught to the senses, but a good one at that. He closed his eyes, feeling silly for acting the way he was.

He had to admit that he was a bit surprised. He never thought he would have enjoyed the Rose gardens so much, but he found that it was the company that made the trip and not anything else. He continued walking, finding himself in a bit of a maze. He managed to get completely lost, but never felt anything but a calm resolve. He was about to turn around when a pair of arms snaked their way around his waist and a body pressed tightly into his back. He closed his eyes, turning around slowly.

"You should be careful," Rick joked. "My girlfriend doesn't like to share, and it's common knowledge that she carries a firearm."

"Does she now?" Kate's teasing voice husked into his ear, causing a shiver to shoot up his spine. Castle couldn't help but groan as he tried to grasp onto her. He opened his eyes to find her light green eyes gazing into the depths of his own. He didn't dare breathe for a moment as they held their positions. He could feel the warmth of her breath on his face and her fingers raking ever so gently through his hair.

"Kate," he practically gasped as his eyes darted to her lips. She did the same, but didn't budge. It wasn't until he tried to pull away that she forced him into it. He couldn't stop the moan that came from his mouth as she bit down softly on his lower lip and pulled. To sooth away the sting, she ran her tongue along its edge and then proceeded to push her way into his mouth. Castle feeling the heat of the moment, tried to pull away before things got too headed, but Kate would have none of it.

"Don't be shy," she chastised softly, giggling like a young school girl. "No one's watching…" Kate moaned as Castle pulled her in for another kiss, one just as heated as before. He did more than enough to leave her heady and wanting, and then pulled away.

In a breathless voice he suggested, "We should get back to the main path, the others are probably waiting."

"As if… If Alexis and Ashley are anything like us they're probably doing the same thing," Kate replied.

"Ugh," Castle pretended to pull his hair out. "That's my daughter you're talking about," Castle groaned. "I do not need that visual. Ever." Kate merely laughed, taking him by the hand as she started to lead him out of the maze.

"How do you know where to go?" Castle sounded impressed.

"Eh, all you have to do is reverse the directions and…" Kate paused for a dramatic affect as they made the final turn and emerged onto the pathway, "Ta da!"

"That's crazy," Castle chuckled.

"I've always been good with directions," Kate smiled, giving him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Come on," Castle smiled. "We're going to be late for the concert. I hear they're playing Tchaikovsky's sixth symphony."

"You like classical music?" Kate asked, looking surprised.

"Why do you sound so surprised?" Castle swallowed, "I've written most of my books to classical masterpieces. Dvorak's New World Symphony? Best piece ever written, in my opinion. Well, let's just say it's _my_ favorite."

"I'm glad to know this about you," Kate smiled, snuggling into his side as they walked down the pathway towards Martha, Alexis, and Ashley.

"I'm always happy to share," he breathed before kissing the top of her head. Together they walked slowly towards the others.

"It's about time," Martha teased, "For a moment we'd thought you'd gotten lost." Castle and Kate shared a knowing smile.

"You could say that," Castle replied, his eyes twinkling in the bright sunlight. "How about we head towards the amphitheater? The concert should be starting soon."

"Lead the way," Martha made a grand gesture. They hooked arms and headed off towards the place in the center of the gardens.

When they reached the amphitheater, it was already filling up. Castle found a section with the appropriate number of open seats and let everyone else sit before ultimately plopping down next to Kate. He couldn't stop the smile as Kate reached over to take his hand in hers, twining their fingers together. He turned his head to see her smiling as well. He dropped her hand for a moment, making a square with two L-shapes made by his thumb and forefinger.

"Rick," Kate commented, though it was obvious what the hell she was doing, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Taking a mental picture," he replied as if it were the most normal thing in the world. The only thing it earned him was a bemused eye roll from Kate. "What? There's nothing more beautiful than this." His heart soared as she laughed, loudly. She looked so beautiful when she laughed that it took his breath away. In some ways he felt like he was back in high school. As she caught on as to what her father was doing, Alexis too, started laughing. She was so happy to see that her father was happy. After all, he deserved it more than anyone else. Spurred on by the attention and laughter, Castle continued to make a clicking noise as he took several mental snapshots. "Your smile, your laugh, the sun," he listed off. "Life just doesn't get anymore beautiful than in this moment, when I have you all by my side." Kate's heart swelled as she let herself bask in his words and their honesty.

"I'm glad you're so happy," Kate replied honestly, leaning forwards to kiss Rick in a chaste, but emotional, kiss.

"You have no idea," he whispered as she pulled away, his blue eyes twinkling in the sunlight. Kate's breath hitched as she realized just how beautiful this moment was. Alexis and Martha laughing happily, Rick's smile and his eyes. My god, it really didn't get any better. She'd been waiting so long to see the man she'd fallen in love with in New York. And now? He was finally there. He was sitting a foot away from her and she couldn't help but feel completely elated.

"Concert is starting," Kate whispered sadly, as the conductor and the musicians started to file onto the stage.

"It's okay, you can always jump me in the car later, if you still want," Rick choked out with a mischievous look in his eyes, and Kate finds herself sent into another fit of raucous laughter as he gets an appalled objection from Alexis and a swat of the arm from her.

"You wish," Kate replied in a rebuttal, not able to stop the warm blush that gives her cheeks a very healthy looking glow. He took Kate's hand in his again, before turning to face forwards as the conductor started to address the audience, talking about the orchestra, and the pieces they were intending to play. Sure enough, Rick was right. They were told that the orchestra is planning on playing Tchaikovsky's sixth symphony, and one of his concertos. Kate watched with interest as violins, violas, cellos, bass, brass and winds, all started to tune to the same uniform pitch started by the first chair violinist. Over time it grows louder and louder as each section joins in. Finally, the conductor makes a movement with his arm and all sound stops. Kate looked around, stunned by the amount of people around them. She was not exactly sure what to expect. Don't get me wrong, she has listened to plenty of classical pieces over the years, but she wasn't sure if she'd ever heard this particular piece before. She smiled as Castle gave her hand a squeeze, and promised her under his breath that she was going to love it. A couple minutes pass before the first notes are played. Immediately, Kate is able to decide immediately that the piece is absolutely beautiful. Her favorite instrument, by far, is the cello, and it just so happens that the cello is playing the main melody in the concerto. It's tone is just so rich and beautiful that it takes her breath away. At some points in the piece she closed her eyes, just drinking in the music wafting through the air around her. She could feel the sun on her face, and Castle's warm hand in hers. Castle too, enjoyed himself immensely. It had been a long time since he'd felt so relaxed. Every so often he stole a glance at the woman next to him. He couldn't help the smile that slipped onto his lips every time that he did. She could feel his eyes on her, and she too, would smile, losing herself in the moment. Minutes of blissful happiness tick by, and Kate can't help but with that they could just get lost in the moment in the moment. After all, it was perfect. The weather, the comfort of being together, the music, it just didn't get any better.

Castle watched each section of the orchestra. He let himself be amused by the way all of the violins seemed to play with a bouncy, exuberant, mindset. He loved the repetitive theme of the music. He had to restrain himself to keep from humming along. Finally, the piece ended, and Castle lets his eyes gravitate to Kate again. Together, they share another smile. They stay like this for the next minute. Castle nearly spoke, but caught himself at the last minute. No, he doesn't want to tell her all about what she's about to hear. Kate noticed his torn expression, and decided to encourage him.

"So, what's the story behind the symphony?" Kate asked quietly.

"What makes you think I know?" He replied, holding her gaze.

"Because you're always going on about how everything has a story," Kate says pointedly.

"You mean, you really don't know?" Castle replied with another question.

"No," Kate said with slight annoyance. "If I did, I wouldn't be asking." Castle suddenly felt like a jerk for giving her a rough time.

"Sorry," he apologized. "Well," he spoke after clearing his throat, "I'll give you the short explanation." Kate nodded, happy with his reply. "Okay, well, you know that Tchaikovsky's sixth symphony is the last piece of music he ever wrote, right?"

"Yeah," Kate choked out.

"Well," Castled sighed, "Some people think that this piece of music was his way of leaving a suicide note if you will, without actually putting a single word down on paper."

"Really?" Kate was stunned, not expecting it at all.

"Yeah. I mean, the way the music is written?" Castle spoke sadly with an inflection in his voice, "Well, it speaks to you. It really is like words without words. I'm an author and I've never written anything as beautiful and heart wrenching as this. The music seems to resonate within you, and you feel it as surely as every emotion you'd ever experience. I… I'm not exactly proud to say this, but I cried the first time I heard it. The fourth movement is just so powerful. If you listen carefully, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about."

"So he died shortly after writing this?" Kate asked, wanting to know more.

"Yeah," Castle nodded. "The reason people think that this piece is noteworthy is because he died very shortly after. He umm… He drank contaminated water in the middle of a cholera outbreak. Some people honestly believe it was deliberate."

"So it's all mainly conjecture," Kate pointed out in a statement. And she was right. It was all mainly speculation.

"Yeah, but…" Castle managed to catch himself.

"What?" Kate asked, wanting to know what Castle had been about to say.

"I was just thinking that I probably shouldn't have told you all of this before you even heard the piece," Castle replied in a hushed voice, "I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should just listen to the music, Kate. Listen to it, and then when it's over, you can tell what you think about it and whether you believe there was more to it than meets the senses." Kate nodded. Silence fell between them and all around them as the orchestra prepared to start. The symphony started off quietly with just the lower strings and the lower winds. Crescendos and swells of music added impact to the very quiet introduction and Kate immediately understood what Castle had been trying to say. He was right. There was more to it than she expected. As the higher strings and brass came in with the higher melody, the music also seemed to lighten up a little. Quickly, runs turned into a louder section of the first movement. She felt amazed by the piece. She just sat there watching the conductors arms cut through the air with precise, but smooth movements. Towards the middle, Kate lost herself in the repetitious melody. And by the end, as the tempo picked up greatly, Kate felt as if something was literally pulling at her heart. The flats and sharps seemed to give the piece great depth. It was angst, but in musical form. The punctuated notes provided by the brass, specifically the trombones, french horns and tubas, seem to offer a sense of great turmoil. The timpani rolls add to the distress, and give the music its own character.

When they finally reached the third movement, Kate was surprised to hear that it had so very much life given to it. It was almost reminiscent of life itself. If she would have had to describe it, she would have said it was a celebration of life itself and all of the good things. Yet, it was just that, a last look. The tempo and melody, even though they are the same as in the early movements, make it seem like a completely different piece. Again the melody is bouncy and vigorous. Kate watched in fascination. When they finally hear the last notes climax and the final note is cut off with a flourish of the conductor's hand, the notes seem to echo around the gardens. Some people start to clap, but they don't realize that the piece is not over. Not yet. There is still the final movement to go. The conductor waits for the applause to fade, before he starts the music again.

Kate sits entranced as the first angst filled notes fill the space around them. She feels like she is in actual pain. Her heart aches at what she could only describe as a tragic melody. And it was tragic. It was tragic, because the man who wrote this, the brilliant composer who seemed to have such an incredible grasp of music and its beauty, had died far too young. To think of all of the great pieces he could have written, it just seemed so sad. She closed her eyes, now fully understanding everything Castle had told her just minutes ago. She couldn't imagine what Tchaikovsky must have felt like when he'd written this piece. After all, it seemed like the people who had such a grasp on beauty and art, were often the people who suffered the most, because they were the ones to see the world in a different light. Artists like Van Gogh and Tchaikovsky, often fell victim to the world around them. A world that by all means could be very cruel.

Kate swallowed, gulping in air as her thoughts visited a place she'd been avoiding since she'd gotten to Vancouver. She wondered how close that Castle had come to taking his own life. He had mentioned his problems with addiction and alluded to the fact that he hadn't accidentally hurt himself, but she couldn't help wonder if he'd purposely done harm to himself. He hadn't spoken a word about it, but she could tell by the way that he'd talked earlier that he had definitely considered it. He may have even tried to do it. Her heart nearly stopped as she thought about how things would have been like in a world without Rick Castle. Sure, she knew what it was like to have to go through one day after another without seeing him, but to truly be in a world where there was no Castle, where she would never have the possibility to see him again, the thought made her sick. Before she could stop them tears flooded and blurred her vision, and then they started to spill over and streak down her cheeks. She felt Castle squeeze her hand in his, and she silently thanked god for looking out for Castle. With a sniffle, Kate looked down, and frantically tried to wipe away her tears with her free hand. As the final gong hit sounded, and faded into silence, Kate finally managed to stop the tears. She felt Castle's eyes on her, and kept her eyes away. She suddenly felt embarrassed, and she was afraid he might know what she was thinking if he saw her eyes. Usually, she never got emotional, but she couldn't help it. She swallowed, her eyes finding the sun now sinking quickly in the sky. She clapped her hands along with the countless others around her, but her thoughts were elsewhere.

Minutes later, as people started to clear out. Castle took her by the hand and led her, along with Martha, Alexis, and Ashley towards their car. Castle seemed to be very sensitive to how Kate was feeling because he held her close and didn't say a word. When the topic of dinner came up, it was Kate who suggested that Castle take Alexis out for dinner and spend some time with his daughter before they had to part again.

"Are you sure?" he asked Kate for the dozenth time as he changed into a nice outfit consisting of one of his best dress shirts and black dress pants. He stared into the mirror, and watched as Kate slowly sidled up from behind him, wrapping her arms around him before kissing his neck.

"Mmhmm," she replied. "You deserve to spend some time with Alexis."

Castle buttoned the last button on his shirt, and turned around, returning the affection. Kate moaned softly into his mouth as his hands wrapped themselves around her hips and pulled her closer.

"God, I love you so much," Castle breathed softly, brushing his forehead against hers as he pulled away. "I'll never be able to thank you enough for this."

"That's the beauty of it," Kate replied with a wry smile. "You never have to thank me, because I _wanted_ to do it. The fact is, that I love you too." Castle's breathing hitched in his throat as Kate's hand reached up to brush his cheek. She kissed him again, this time more out of want than anything else. Apparently, she wasn't alone in her desires because Castle's tongue is suddenly darting out to taste her as a moan escapes his own mouth. They spend a long moment in exploration, and have no problem just being, existing together for one moment in space and time. They broke apart as a knock sounds at the door.

"That's probably Alexis," Kate breathed softly.

"I'll be back soon," Castle promised with one final kiss to the corner of Kate's mouth.

"I'll be waiting," she commented in return. "I might even have a surprise for you," Kate revealed in a teasing manner,

"I don't usually like surprises," Castle replied in their usual bantering tone.

"Oh," the mischievous smile on Kate's lips nearly had him groaning aloud. "I think you'll like this one." Castle did finally let out a groan, and padded for the door. Kate watched the embrace as Alexis launched herself into Castle's arms and they shared another moment. She gave them an encouraging nod and a smile. "Have fun!" she urged, as they slipped out the door and she was left alone.

Castle took Alexis to a nice restaurant, incredibly excited to have her with him. She looked so grown up it was surreal. He could hardly believe it himself. She was in college now, and still so in love with Ashley. Castle watched every little thing Alexis did, from the way she sat down, to the look on her beautiful features as she perused the menu, to the way she interacted with the waiter. He couldn't have been more proud to call her his daughter.

"So," Castle started as they were left alone with their drinks. "How is school?"

"Good," Alexis smiled before taking a sip of her drink. Castle listened as she started to tell him about all of her classes and the way that Ashley has taken such good care of her. He felt a pang of regret as he realized that there were still so many things that he didn't know. Alexis seemed to catch him in this state of mind because she took it upon herself to bring up some old memories of all of the things they did together. By the time dinner arrived, they were laughing, reminiscing. Between bites they started onto new topics.

"What do you think about having Kate around all the time?" he asked finally.

"This is probably going to sound weird, but…" Alexis breathed. "I love her, Dad. I mean, she has been so great this last year, I honestly don't know what I'd do without her."

"I was thinking that I'd ask her to make things official," Castle revealed as he pulled out the ring he'd bought. With a little nudge, he pushed it across the table towards her and watched as Alexis gingerly picked it up. Alexis made a point of looking at him as she opened the small, rectangular, velvet box. When her eyes finally saw what was inside, her jaw dropped. "Oh my god, Dad," she gushed. "That is so beautiful! She's going to love it."

"You think?" he asked hopefully.

"Yeah," Alexis swallowed. "I know she will."

"I just don't know if she'll say yes," he sighed, looking defeated. "I mean… I ruined everything. I ruined all our chances at having something normal."

"No you haven't," Alexis shook her head. "She loves you. She knows you're innocent just as surely as I do."

"But it doesn't matter," Castle was starting to rethink the whole thing. "Because I'm stuck in Vancouver, and she is stuck in New York."

"Distance shouldn't matter," Alexis spoke wisely. Sometimes Castle was astounded by Alexis' level of maturity. She always seemed so much older and wiser than her actual years. "You of all people should know that by now." Castle opened his mouth to protest, but Alexis wouldn't let him. "Let me ask you something…" Alexis begged, "Do you love Kate any less than you did a year ago?"

"No, of course not," Castle nearly choked, "Why do you even have to ask?"

"I'm just trying to make a point," Alexis spoke animatedly as he made gestures with her hands. "Because Kate loves you just as much as you love her, and so do I. You can make it work if you work hard enough at it."

"I'm just scared that someone else is going to come along and take her away from me," Castle admitted finally. "She could do so much better than me. If she ever realizes that, I'm in serious trouble."

"Dad," Alexis breathed. "You have to stop beating yourself up. Please."

"I…I'm sorry," he apologized honestly. "We're supposed to be having fun. It's just that I can't help it"

"It's okay. I am having fun.," Alexis reassured him. "I love you, Dad."

"I really love you too, Pumpkin," he reciprocated, "And I promise I'm going to figure things out. I'll be back home again soon." Alexis nodded, taking another bite of her food. The rest of the night was spent with less intense conversation, and by the time they made it back to the hotel room they were both exhausted. Castle slipped in the door and started slipping out of his jacket. Before he knew it, two hands were helping him out of the fabric and were hanging it up on a hanger. Castle swallowed, turning to find an ice bucket on the table next to the bed, and a bottle of wine already chilled inside.

He closed his eyes as Kate pulled him in for a gentle kiss. He kissed her back, familiarizing himself with her body as he ran his hands over it in a gentle caress. He could feel the black lace under his fingertips. He could imagine just how amazing she looked, but in this moment, he only wanted to feel. He wanted to drown in his own love for her.

"Well aren't you feeling a little sentimental tonight?" Kate teased as he finally opened his eyes to meet two soft sea green ones staring back at him from only a few inches away. Her tone was playful, and it made his heart pound even harder in his chest. Then and only then did he let himself take in Kate and the little black number she was dressed in.

"Why," he said in a soft voice, "As a matter of fact I am, Miss Beckett."

"That's new. I mean… When have you ever called me by my last name?" Kate asked with a smile.

"You don't like it?" Castle asked in a disappointed voice.

"I didn't say that," Kate pointed out, kissing him again.

"Katie," he breathed as he finally pulled away and opened his hand to reveal the small box inside. Kate found the item quickly, and her breathing ceased as he held it up for her.

"Castle," Kate managed to choke out breathlessly. She was stunned. It all seemed so surreal. She was still in shock. Rick, sensing this, tried to speak slowly.

"Kate," he swallowed, "You are my rock. You are my soul mate, and I never would have made it this far without you. You are truly extraordinary and I love you with all my heart." Kate let out a gasp as Castle flipped open the box. "I'm not going to ask you to marry me, because I know that we've only just begun, but I do want to know if you would make me the happiest man alive and be mine…mine and mine alone. I would like to know if you could make me that promise."

"Castle," Kate's voice was breathless. "You shouldn't even have to ask…" With a finger, Castle gently quieted her. "Shh."

"Just humor me," he begged of her. "Please?"

"Yes," she managed to choke out in a low voice. "Yes, of course I would love to be yours. Always." Castle's heart pounded out of control as he pulled the ring from its box and slipped it onto the ring finger of her right hand. He did this because it wasn't a proposal of marriage. The ring signified more of a promise than anything else. He already wore a plain silver band of tungsten on his own right hand, as he'd made that promise to be faithful to Kate a long time ago.

"I love you," he breathed as he pulled the hand to his lips and kissed it. "I want to make a promise to you too. Kate, I promise that I will _always_ love you. I will be yours also, and yours alone." He opened his mouth to say more, but Kate swallowed his next words. Passion took over and kisses became more heated as they walked moved slowly backwards towards the king sized bed. With a happy laugh she pushed him down onto it and started to free him from his clothes, while he admired the little black number she was currently wearing. And just like that, they became one entity, moving together in the throes of passion.

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**_A/N: So that's it for now. Next chapter is mainly going to be a filler, so I'll try to get that up soon so that I can get to the good stuff. I really hope you like this one! Please read and review! Usually, reviews help motivate me to write more. And when I write more, I usually update faster. I'm just saying..._**


	9. Nothing Better

_**A/N: Okay guys! Again, it has been a long time since I've updated. But I finally got this chapter to a place where I'm quite satisfied with it. It's mainly Kate/Castle fluff, which I personally think this story could use a little more of. I think it's a nice change of pace from the way the rest of the story has been written. I'm not quite as good with the fluff as I am with the dramatic stuff, but I hope you really like it. I sat down a while ago, and the words just kind of came pouring out. I guess that's what happens when I keep things bottled up inside me for a long time. Anyhow, I'm finally feeling a little bit better, and have since moved to a new place, so my life is all shiny right now. This chapter probably reflects that a bit. I'm still working on the upcoming chapters, but I have to say I'm really happy with the way this story is turning out. I can't tell you how grateful I am to all of you. I can't even begin to tell you all what an honor it is to get to share my writing with you guys. I don't mean to get too sappy, but I honestly feel as if you guys are the best readers that anyone could ask for. So I just want to say a big thank you to you all for sticking with me! I will always continue to write so long as there is someone to write for!**_

_**Title: Ask Me How Much I Love You**_

_**Chapter 9: Nothing Better**_

_**Disclaimer: Sadly the amazing show that is Castle does not belong to me, nor does Nathan Fillion or Stana Katic (as amazing as they are)!**_

_**Spoilers: A play on spoilers from Anatomy of a Murder. Kate tells Castle that she would break him out of prison. Castle sees this as a sign of Love.**_

_**Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)**_

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_**I would really like to dedicate this chapter to a reviewer of mine who has been so kind as to send me a message. Sometimes when I get really sick it's hard to feel like doing anything, but your kind words of encouragement are really what got me writing again. So thank you, WillTCastle! This one is for you! I hope you like it when you get a chance to read it!**_

"I love you so much, Pumpkin," Castle breathed in Alexis' ear as they shared an embrace just outside of the security checkpoint. Castle held on tightly, never wanting to let go, and Alexis clung back, feeling the same way.

"I love you too, Dad," Alexis sniffled softly. "I can't tell you how much I needed this weekend with you."

"Gosh, I miss you so much already," Castle breathed sadly, kissing the top of Alexis' head.

"I know," Alexis, easily related as she buried her face against Castle's chest, fisting his shirt as she tried to hide her own tears. "Me too."

"I'm going to find a way to see you more often," Castle said with a fresh sense of determination. "Somehow, I'm going to figure this all out," Castle breathed. "I'm going to find a way to clear my name once and for all, and then I promise that I'm going to come back home and we can be a happy family again." Castle gently inhaled Alexis' sweet scent, and kissed the top of her head one last time fleetingly as she finally pulled away. She looked up to him with shimmering eyes and it broke his heart. It really did. He couldn't bear to imagine the sort of pain he'd caused her over the last year. He tried not to think about it too much. But here it was, staring him straight into his eyes. Castle swallowed, feeling the unbearable ache in his chest he knew was bound to take over at some point. He gave Kate a look, and she nodded ever so subtly, giving him the encouragement he needed. Slowly he led Alexis over to somewhere a little more private.

"Dad?" Alexis tried not to look or sound too concerned. She looked slightly bewildered as she sat down in a nearby chair and Castle knelt down in front of her, taking both of her tiny hands in his.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to take a minute and say that I am so very sorry for putting you through what I have during the last year," Castle's voice broke as he struggled to get the words out. "You've always been wise beyond your years, but no one should have to go through what I've put you through…"

"Dad," Alexis broke down herself, "You know I don't blame you for what happened… There's no way you could have known that this was going to happen."

"You're being too kind, too forgiving," Castle said softly. "I suppose I should have known you wouldn't hold it against me, because no matter what, you always tend to see the best in people."

"Dad," Alexis said in the tone she always used when she disagreed with what he was saying. "I thought you already knew that I didn't hold anything against you. You're innocent. That fact goes without question. It's why I avoided the topic the whole time you were here… I avoided it because I thought you already knew I will always be on your side."

"Pumpkin," Castle felt even more pain as he held her blue eyes. "Whether I'm innocent or not doesn't matter. My foolish actions are what got us here. If I had just listened then…"

"Then you would still go through every day wondering what kind of man your father was," Alexis argued. "Dad, I'm not going to let you take the blame for it all."

"No," Castle shook his head, completely disagreeing. "See? That's the problem. You _should_ blame me."

"Well that's too bad then, because I don't," Alexis said stubbornly.

"My own need to meet my father cost you far more than it ever should have. It cost you me." Castle continued to struggle to put his own feelings in words. "If I could go back and change it? I would. I just want you to know that I never meant for any of this to happen."

"I know that, Dad," Alexis said in a comprehending manner. "Please don't cry," she pleaded softly. Castle coughed slightly, hoping to suppress his cries so as not to make a scene.

"It's just that I…" Castle swallowed, running a hand frantically over his face to wipe away his own tears. "I made a promise to you that I would always be there for you. No matter what." He forced himself to look away. "And I failed to keep that promise," Castle muttered ashamedly. "What kind of father does that make me? If I can't be there for you when you need me?" Alexis shook her head. It was so hard to see her father in his state. "I just hope you know that I never would have left you, if I'd had a choice. Ever." Alexis nodded, wiping away her own tears. Alexis knew the story. Kate had talked to her about the decision a dozen times. Alexis still stood by Kate, feeling as if the detective had made the right choice in breaking Castle out of police custody. "And finally, I just want you to know that I love you more than anything in this world," he confessed.

"Except for Kate," Alexis interjected with a wide smile and twinkling eyes.

"Except for maybe Kate," Castle amended, "And Mother." Alexis held Castle's eyes. For a long minute, they exchanged another embrace. "Do me a favor and let Ashley take good care of you," Castle pleaded. "He's a good man. I'm just so glad he can be there for you when I can't."

"Dad," there it was, Alexis' reprimanding tone.

"I just mean…" Castle offered in a rebuttal. Alexis silenced him.

"I know what you meant," Alexis smiled. "Thanks, Daddy." Castle nodded. Gently Alexis pulled her father in for another heartfelt embrace. Castle closed his eyes, burying his face in her hair.

Alexis and Castle were ripped out of their own world as Martha came bustling around the corner. "We've got to go, dear. They're already boarding."

"Right," Castle choked out, his chest clenching painfully. He released his daughter with great reluctance, trying to force a smile for her benefit. "Okay, well, do me a favor and call me once you're home safe and sound." Alexis nodded. "And promise me that you'll remember to have fun outside of school. Of course… make sure you study hard too. But I suppose that I don't really have to say that, do I?"

"No," Alexis shook her head. "But I promise I'll try and do both," Alexis smiled as she stood up and Castle did the same. Without pause, Alexis pushed herself up on her tip-toes to plant a kiss on Castle's cheek.

"Take care, pumpkin," Castle whispered in her ear. "And feel free to call me whenever. You have my email address now, so…"

"I promise I'll contact you every chance I get," Alexis said with slight childlike annoyance. But they both knew that she loved him more for being the same father she was used to. He was back to the same father who would message her every morning to wish her a good day.

"Pinky promise?" Castle asked hopefully, causing Alexis to laugh softly.

"Oh for heaven's sake!" Martha commented, but it was all in jest. Castle curled his pinky around Alexis' minute pinky. They shared one final embrace, and then they walked together to the security checkpoint where Kate and Ashley were waiting.

Castle shared a couple more hugs and watched as Alexis, Ashley and Martha, entered into the line and started to move through the bowels of security. He could vaguely feel Kate's warm hand in his. Every so often he could feel her give it a reassuring squeeze. The gesture was meant to be comforting, and it was. He couldn't have done it alone. He couldn't even begin to imagine how difficult it would be when Kate left him. He could only imagine that the pain would be as unbearable as it had the first time. Perhaps even more so now that he knew what it was like to have her as his other half. Together, they stood, waiting until Castle lost sight of them completely in a massive sea of other people. He stood there for minutes afterwards in a daze, staring numbly at the place where they'd all disappeared from sight. Silently he wondered if they might come back if he wished for it hard enough, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't. Kate stood there with him, observing his state of mind. She could see his brow furrow and his jaw tighten as he combated the pain in an inward struggle that trained his features. It broke her heart and she resolved to do something to cheer him up. If she was counting correctly they only had four more days together, and she needed to make sure that Castle enjoyed every minute of them.

* * *

"Come on," Kate's soft and breathy voice in his ear, had him jumping. She gave a tug on his hand, leading him back to the car without so much as a single word. Castle climbed into the passenger seat, and Kate shut him inside. By the time she climbed into the driver's seat, he was already staring despondently out the passenger window. With a sigh, she reversed out of the spot and started to drive. She started to wrack her brain for ideas of what to do. She started driving, heading out West towards the coast. She turned up the music. Clearly Castle wasn't in any mood to talk, and so she resigned to silence.

As she pulled into a small supermarket, she received a pair of raised eyebrows from Castle. She turned off the car, pulled the keys from the ignition, and opened the door. She put a hand on Castle's shoulder as he started to open the door.

"Wait here," she commanded softly, with a quick peck to his cheek. "I'll be right back." Castle nodded and swallowed, watching in keen interest as she fled. A smile tugged at his lips as he watched her white summer dress billow behind her in the wind. She was something truly beautiful to behold. He waited patiently as the minutes ticked by. He couldn't help but wonder what sort of mischief she was up to. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she came bouncing out of the supermarket with several small bags in hand. With a flourish, she opened the back door and tossed them inside. She batted his curious hands away with a playful smile. "No peaking," she chided as she climbed back into the driver's seat, and leant over the middle console to steal a kiss from her lover.

"You're no fun," Castle pouted, pulling her closer.

"Mmm," Kate smiled back, "Well, _someone_ has to be the adult in this relationship." Castle gave her a playful swat, and she laughed as she turned on the car and sped out of the lot. All the while, a laugh was falling from her lips. Castle watched her with utmost fascination. She was so beautiful when she laughed that it took his breath away. Castle was always amazed by Kate and the way that her presence immediately lifted his spirits.

Kate swallowed thickly as she felt the pressure of his hand on her inner thigh. It was gentle enough that it could hardly be detected, but strong enough that it was nearly maddening. Kate bit down on her lip as she struggled to keep her mind on the task at hand. She nearly lost it when he leant over. She could feel his warm breath on her neck. It was the faintest wisp, and it played with her thoughts, igniting an unrelenting burn for him. She applied more pressure to her lip, struggling not to moan as soft, wet lips replaced the sensation. The intention behind the touch was unmistakable, when the hand resting on the inside of her thigh started to move slowly upwards beneath the skirt of her dress.

"Castle," the name that was meant to be spoken with reprimand, instead, came out breathless and needy. Castle moaned softly as she dropped her hand from the wheel to Castle's slowly retracting hand and held it there on the inside of her upper thigh. "Don't."

"Don't what?" Castle's soft whisper had her thundering heart beating even more wildly. Kate took a quavering breath, her chest raking in breaths with wild recklessness. She couldn't seem to get enough oxygen for her liking and she released his hand, letting him decide what to do. "Kate," he repeated her name in a soft whisper for a second time.

"We're almost there," Kate breathed back. "Just… give me a minute."

"Where?" Castle asked, "Where are you taking me?" His voice was a low rumble in her ear. God, his voice sounded so amazing when he was so completely wrapped up in her. She could hear the want in it, the unrestrained desire. It made her want him more. Castle was not shy when it came to intimacy, and she loved that about him. He was as confident during lovemaking as he was gentle. The two things might seem contradictory, but they were anything but. They made him a force to be reckoned with.

"It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you, now would it?" Kate teased softly.

"You and your surprises," Castle said teasingly. "What am I going to do?"

"Get used to it, I guess," Kate smiled. "You liked the last surprise I had in store for you, didn't you?"

"Yes," Castle replied honestly.

"Then I think you'll like this one," Kate smiled.

"What if I don't want to wait for my surprise?" Castle breathed as he nipped at he hollow behind her ear. God, he was making it hard to concentrate.

"Just hold on," Kate's breathing hitched as his fingers brushed her through the fabric of her dress. Inwardly, Kate muttered a few obscenities, willing herself to use enough restraint in an effort to make it where they were going. Finally, they passed through the gates of the state park. With her hand, she held Castle's head against her as he nuzzled her softly. For those of you who wonder what type of lover Castle was? He definitely nuzzles. It's his way of showing affection, well, besides kissing that is. Kate paid a small fine, accepting the bewildered look of the park attendant without pause, and then pulled into parking near the head of the trail she was looking for. She'd done some research back at the hotel, figuring that maybe they might need this. She wanted something she could share with Castle. Kate pulled into her spot and stopped the car. Her breathing was still labored. Slowly, she forced herself to extract herself from Castle's hungry touches. Castle groaned at the loss, as Kate inwardly did the same. It wasn't easy to do. "Come on," she breathed before she took a long moment to peruse the warm confines of Castle's amazing mouth. Kate couldn't stop the whimper that escaped her lips as Castle ran one of his hands over the swell of her chest. Kate lengthened the kiss, deepening it as far as they could before turning back. Kate stared into Castle's cobalt eyes for a long moment after their lips parted. He stared back, his forehead brushing hers as they both struggled to resist.

"Kate?" he breathed finally.

"Yeah?" Kate hummed softly.

"You were going to take me somewhere," he chuckled softly.

"Oh," Kate stated dumbly. "Right." Kate smiled, giving Castle's nose a playful peck before turning back to the door. She opened it and climbed out, starting to load, everything they needed into the small basket she bought along with the groceries. Castle stood on the other side of the car, watching her over the hood. Finally, Kate secured the contents of their picnic in the basket, and pulled out the map. She hefted the basket in her hands while clumsily unfolding the map of the trail. "This way," she said finally after she got her bearings. Castle relieved her of the basket, took her hand in his, and let her lead him down the trail. They took the trail quite a ways, but finally reached a scenic overlook atop the sea cliff. Castle stood at the overlook, stunned by the beauty of the ocean and its rocks below.

"You planned this?" he asked in pure amazement.

"Sort of," Kate smiled. "I figured that you might be in need of some cheering up, so I got creative."

"It's beautiful," Castle said happily. Kate felt her heart sputter in her chest as the wind ruffled his hair. She took a deep breath, breathing in the sweet scent of the ocean air, moving about them.

"It is," Kate confirmed, giving his hand a squeeze. "You want to eat here? The beach is a little further down the trail."

"Here is good," Castle confirmed with a heart-warming smile. Castle helped Kate spread out the blanket over a table not far from the edge. He watched as Kate pulled out each item one by one. It was nothing fancy, just some sandwiches and some chips, but Castle was deeply touched by the gesture. Kate laughed as Castle eagerly unwrapped his sandwich and took a hungry bite that was much too big, even for him. He chewed hungrily, as he made noises in the back of his throat. Meanwhile, Kate watched, laughing at his childlike tendencies as she took a very conservative bit of her own sandwich. Together they joked back and forth. She gulped down a bite as she felt Castle's foot brush her leg under the table. Slowly, he ran it up her calf until she pulled back. He met her eyes. They were so strikingly blue that it caused something deep inside her to start stirring. There were no words for how he made her feel. It was like she was falling constantly, always falling deeper and deeper into him. He seemed to be feeling the exact same way, because he didn't dare look away. Kate set down her sandwich, feeling clearly hungry for something else.

"Don't stop on my account," Castle said softly. "I don't want you to be hungry later because of me."

"I'm fine," Kate punctuated as she wrapped up her sandwich. "You ready to head down to the beach?"

"Sounds good," Castle said, peeking over his shoulder.

They packed up the remnants of their lunch and loaded it into the basket. Castle offered Kate his hand and helped her step over the bench. They continued down the pathway, slowing a little as they reached a fairly rocky portion of the trail. Castle kept his arm wrapped around Kate's waist. She could feel the pressure of his touch through the fabric of her dress. She was so aware of the touch that in some ways it felt like her skin was kindling under his fingers. When they finally reached the beach, Kate slipped off her shoes and started to run through the sand barefoot. There is no feeling like that of warm sand between your toes on a hot summer's day. Kate relished it since she didn't get to feel it very often. She rarely took vacations, and though there were beaches to the north of the city, she rarely visited them. Castle kept a close proximity to Kate, but gave her freedom. He couldn't help but watch her with great endearment. He loved how she could be such a free spirit. He watched the wind whip her hair about as she twirled around. His heart leapt as he watched her stumble and fall to the sand. She laughed as she rolled over and plopped down onto the sand. Castle, worried that she may be hurt, rushed over, kicking up sand with his feet. He slowed, and bent over her, his blue eyes shining like that of the bright sky above her. Kate's heart was beating wildly as Castle's face swam into her vision. She was still laughing, her chest bobbing up and down.

"You okay?" Castle asked with amusement. He spoke loudly, trying to be heard over the sound of the crashing waves.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Kate smiled, her luminescent white teeth exposed in a wide smile. Castle dropped to his knees at Kate's side, setting down the basket, and then dropped the rest of the way so that he was lying next to her in the warm sand. He turned his neck so as to give him a better view of the woman next to him.

"God, you're so beautiful," Castle said with a deep sigh, simply memorizing everything about her and the way she looked in that moment.

"You're not so bad to look at yourself, Castle," Kate reciprocated as she turned her neck to look at him, twining their fingers together.

"Is that your way of saying I'm handsome?" Castle asked hopefully. Kate smiled softly.

"Hah! As if you really need me to boost your ego," Kate replied in a rebuttal. But secretly she knew that she loved him more for it.

"Mmhmm," Castle's voice inflected. His smile was a mile wide as he stated happily. "Aww… You do! You think I'm handsome!"

"I do," Kate confirmed softly. "Except for…"

"Except for what?" Castle asked quickly, his brow furrowing. This wasn't how he planned for the conversation to go.

"Well, it's not a problem really, but you've got some gray in your hair," Kate spoke with a completely straight face. She made a point of running her hand through it. "Personally, I kind of like it but…"

"No!" Castle protested, looking slightly horrified. Kate, however, held her deadpanned expression. "That's ridiculous! I do not have…!" Castle's voice trailed off as Kate snorted and burst out into laughter, while in the meantime, Castle turned a deep shade of scarlet. "That's not funny," Castle muttered with a pouting expression on his face as Kate burst into a fresh bout of laughter.

"I don't know," Kate replied between laughs, "I'm pretty sure it was. You should have seen the look on your face." Kate grabbed for her ribs. "Goodness! I don't think I've never met a man who is so incredibly vain."

"Well, I'm glad I could entertain you, even if it was at my own expense." Castle replied sincerely with a smile on his face. "But sadly, you've only scratched the surface of what I can do."

"Is that so?" Kate replied. "Because if it is, then I'd like to see more," Kate goaded.

"Is that a challenge, Katherine Beckett?" Castle asked rather competitively.

"Why, I believe it is," Kate replied with a mischievous gleam in her eyes. "But I think you're forgetting that you're going to have to catch me before you ever get the chance to do anything, old man."

"Did you?" Castle's voice cracked and so he was forced to try again. "Did you just call me an old man?" Castle's asked in a voice an octave higher than normal.

"I believe I just did," Kate eyes flashed. "So, the question is, what are you going to do about it?"

"Oh, I bet that I could think of a few things," Castle replied thoughtfully.

"Yeah?" Kate asked softly. "And what are they?"

"Well," Castle swallowed, "Most of them involve me asserting my manhood, but I have a feeling that you would enjoy that just a little _too_ _much_." Kate's skin flushed as her thoughts wandered to things she knew that Castle wanted her think about. Then he took away those thoughts as soon as they came. "I don't know… I was thinking that the water looked all too inviting. Maybe you need to cool off a little with all of this trash talking you're doing…"

"Mmm," Kate replied, her mind still hung up on Castle, and all of the things that she wanted him to do to her. Kate swallowed, catching the look in Castle's eyes. Maybe if she played along and enticed him, he would fulfill all of her desires in the end. "Again, I think you're forgetting something…"

"What's that?" Castle asked softly.

"You're going to have to catch me first," Kate teased.

"I think I can do that," Castle offered in a rebuttal, "Even if I am decrepit." Kate let out a squeal as Castle lunged for her. With her wrestling skills, she managed to writhe out of his grasp and quickly pushed herself up off the sand with Castle nipping at her heels. With the wind pulling at her, Kate took off, sprinting down the shoreline. The gale roared loudly in her ears. She looked over her shoulder to try and discern Castle's whereabouts. As it turned out, she could barely hear him over the white noise. She jumped a little as Castle yelled after her from behind. Kate looked straight ahead and fixed her eyes on her new goal, a small hill of boulders a fair distance down the shoreline. She sprinted, her erratic breathing rasping in her throat as her body started to pull in more oxygen for her working muscles. She pushed herself harder, knowing that she'd never live it down if Castle caught her. In a moment of hesitation, she glanced over her shoulder to find that he was gaining. She tried to dig her feet deeper into the sand to get a better push off with her legs, but stumbled in the process, costing her some precious time. She let out a shriek as one of Castle's hands wrapped around her from behind, and together, the two of them went down in the sand. Kate couldn't manage to get away before Castle tossed her over his shoulder in a fireman's carry and pulled her kicking and screaming form into the water with him. She resisted, but it only did more to spur him on. Kate stopped as the water reached Castle's midsection. All he had to do was let her go, and she was going inevitably into the water.

"Apples!" Kate cried loudly, upon realizing the gravity of the position she was in. "Apples! Apples! Apples!" she called again.

"Little one, you seem to be mistaken... You see? Apples is _my_ safe word," Castle husked in her ear. He let her drop an inch and then caught her. She let out another scream as she held onto Castle's midsection with a vice grip frantically tried to come up with a safe word. Surprisingly, she'd never had to use one before.

"Then…Cherries?" Kate's voice inflected hopefully.

"You want cherries to be your safe word?" Castle mocked, while clicking his tongue in disappointment. "Come on, Kate. Surely, you can do better than that."

"Hey!" Kate protested, trying to keep her body out of the water. "It's the best I can come up with at the moment!"

"Doesn't matter," Castle shook his head. "That's not going to get you out of this. Not this time."

"Please, Rick!" Kate begged. "You wouldn't!"

"Oh you know I would," Castle replied. "You called me old. I think I need to put things straight."

"I'm sorry, okay?" Kate rambled. "Is that what you want me to say?" Kate decided to try and sweet talk her way out of it. "You're young and spritely and handsome and..."

"Nice try," Castle laughed, the low rumble in his chest could be felt through Kate's midsection. "But you can't sweet talk your way out of this one."

"Fine," Kate pouted. "But if you drop me, you should know that I'm planning on taking you down with me," Kate threatened.

"I'm kind of counting on that," Castle replied. "and I'm fine with that." Then he added, "Frankly, all of that running has left me a little winded. I think a nice swim would do me some good." Kate had no warning before Castle let go of her and let gravity take over. She shrieked in surprise, but immediately set out to accomplish what she had promised a second ago. Sure enough, Kate's arm caught Castle's shoulder as she dropped and pulled him over backwards. With a splash, he sank into the crisp, cold water of the Pacific. He hit the hard sand covered bottom and bounced off of it slightly, bobbing towards the surface. He surfaced just a moment after Kate. His feet pushed off of the bottom, and then kept traction beneath the water as he sank back down a couple of inches. He ran his hand over his face, trying to wipe away the water so that he could see her.

"Oh! Now you're going to get it," Kate threatened as she lunged for him. Castle tried to side step her, but knew it was no good. He felt her arms close around his upper torso. In an instant Kate's body was weighing him down. His muscles strained as he fought against the new weight that was pushing him down. By the time he sucked in a breath, Castle's feet were dislodged from the bottom and he was going under. Castle found slight victory in the thought that Kate had been pulled under with him. Castle's arms and legs flailed in the water at the surprise assault. It only lasted a moment or two before he was able to surface again. Castle opened his eyes, expelling a shaky breath. The taste of salt was heavy on his lips and he tried to keep the water out of his nose and mouth. He met Kate's eyes. He wasn't surprised to see a smile on her face. He knew she could take anything he threw at her. He took a step closer.

"Hey," he breathed softly, his eyes never leaving hers. The feelings being conveyed at that moment were completely different than the flirtation of only a moment before. They were both able to convey their desires without words.

"Hey," Kate breathed back, her voice thick. Castle tried to keep his breathing even as she waded a step or two closer, closing the distance between them. Castle reached up slowly, running the fingers of his right hand along the contours of her jaw line. She had such a beautiful face with delicate features. And yet, her jaw was so well defined. It was strong and he felt as if it reflected her personality perfectly. Kate bit down softly on her lip, feeling slightly insecure. The way Castle looked at her with such adoration, made her wonder what on earth it was he saw in her. Kate closed her eyes, nuzzling the hand that was caressing her face with such gentleness. When she opened them, Castle was closer. She stared into his eyes as he ran his thumb ever so gently along her bottom lip. Kate stopped breathing. The anticipation seemed to be killing her. As Castle leaned in for the kiss Kate pulled away shyly, dodging him. Castle pulled back with a pouting expression on his face.

"I'm sorry. Did I do something wrong?" Castle asked finally, letting out a sigh of frustration.

"Have you already forgotten? You just dunked me in the water less than a minute ago when I was practically begging you not to," Kate replied, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You just paid me back for that," Castle argued with his eyes twinkling. He looked entertained to say the least.

"I'm still mad at you," Kate shot back just as playfully.

"Mmm," Castle hummed in return. "I bet I can fix that!"

"I beg to differ," Kate replied in earnest.

"Hey," Castle said softly, "You're the one who insisted on wounding my pride by calling me old. Then, you challenged me to do it!"

"You know I was just kidding, Castle," Kate replied. "As if you could ever be old. I swear… You're practically twelve years old." Castle sighed and looked away. "What did I do wrong now?"

"Oh nothing," Castle smiled. Kate shrieked as Castle splashed her without warning. "But it would be wrong if I didn't try to live up to my reputation."

She sent a splash back his way, as he lunged for her. She let out another squeal as he pulled her under the surface. When she surfaced she smacked him lightly on the chest. Castle's hands seized hers with surprising force. She couldn't pull away as Castle's lips pressed against hers. He finally released them when she started fighting to get closer to him, rather than further away. Castle moaned as her arms wrapped around his neck.

As they exchanged a fresh series of kisses, they slowly made their way for shore. When they finally reached it, they sank onto the wet sand on the shoreline. Castle gulped as he laid Kate down on the sand. Her white dress had become slightly transparent over the course of their adventures in the water. He could seemingly see everything through the fabric. He could feel Kate's hands start to tug at his clothes. Castle hiked up the fabric of her skirt, running his hands over the warm flesh underneath. He nibbled at her neck, eliciting gasps and moans that spoke of want and need.

Castle closed his eyes as Kate's lips pressed against the pulse point of his neck and his mind went fuzzy. He pulled back slightly and opened his eyes.

"Castle," Kate breathed as she ran her hands up his neck and began to play with the hair at the nape of his neck, "Don't stop…" The way she ran her fingers through it was soothing. Castle moaned, lowering himself over her. He propped himself on his elbows while he started to play with Kate's hair. His face was only a mere couple inches from Kate's own. He could see her eyes darken as she raked her fingers through his hair. He swallowed thickly, his throat suddenly dry as the desert. He kissed her softly, his lips barely brushing hers. He could feel her warm breath on his face as her lips opened a fraction. Hungrily, Kate applied more pressure to the back of his head, deepening the next kiss. He moaned as she accepted his tongue, and nipped at his lip. As the kiss dragged on, Castle ran his hands over Kate's lithe form. She was so warm. When oxygen finally became an issue, the kiss broke.

"How's that?" Castle asked breathlessly, his voice a low rumble.

"As if you have to ask," Kate replied, arching her back in an attempt up to press her body against Castle's in any way she could manage.

"I think… I finally get it," Castle spoke finally as he figured out where all of the flirtation and affection were coming from. "I see what you're doing," Castle said dolefully.

"Oh yeah?" Kate husked. "And just what is it I'm doing?"

"Trying to distract me," Castle swallowed, as his thoughts briefly strayed to the ache in his chest, and then to what was causing it. Castle felt his heart begin to pound as he felt Kate's warm breath on his ear.

"Is it working?" Kate's voice had a shiver rocketing its way up his spine. The tone, coupled with the tongue that darted out to taste him, had him suppressing a moan. Before he could recover, Kate did something she'd never done before. His body came alive as teeth scraped along his earlobe and a tongue soothed the sting away.

"Maybe," Castle's voice cracked as he was overcome with feeling. Kate could instill the most powerful feelings in him. The way she touched him, looked at him, and talked to him, left him powerless.

"Only maybe?" Kate clicked her tongue in slight displeasure. "Oh no, that just won't do." Kate slowly raked her hands down Castle's chest, letting her nails drag along the fabric of his shirt. When she reached the hem of his shirt, she ran her hands under the fabric, encountering bare skin. Concurrently, she planted a fresh array of kisses to Castle's neck and jaw. "How about now?" she asked again. If the sharp intake of breath that Castle took was any indication, she knew she had him.

"Y-Yes," Castle breathed, closing his eyes. There was no way he was going to fight her. Not when she was the only one he wanted. And he knew that if anyone could ease the pain, that it would be her.

"Good," Kate replied in a low alto.

"Kate, honey," Castle's slightly breathless voice asked. "Do… Do you really mean to do this here?"

"Why?" Kate asked, pulling back so that she was flying flat along the sand. "Is that a problem? I mean… I don't see anyone around, do you?"

"No, but…" Castle began to protest. Kate pointedly swallowed his next words, and Castle stopped fighting, spurred on by Kate's hungry moans and frantic touches. He knew he was playing right into her hands, but he couldn't bring himself to fight her any longer. So he surrendered, and left all of his thoughts and worries behind in exchange for something so much more wonderful. Love. God, he loved her. And he knew that so long as he had her that things would work out somehow. She made everything better, simply by being there. He thanked his lucky stars that he was fortunate enough to have her, whether it was just for the next week or forever. He could only hope in his heart that it was forever, but he would take every piece of her that he could get.

_**A/N: So that's it for now! Please read and review! I'm still working on the next update, but most of it is written. I will have the update up soon! Thanks again for reading!**_


	10. Make This Go On Forever

_**Title: Ask Me How Much I Love You**_

_**Chapter: Make This Go On Forever**_

_**Spoilers: A play on spoilers from Anatomy of a Murder. Kate tells Castle that she would break him out of prison. Castle sees this as a sign of Love.**_

_**Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)**_

_**Disclaimer: Sadly the amazing show that is Castle does not belong to me. It belongs to Terri Miller and Andrew Marlowe!**_

_**A/N: No excuses! I'm terribly sorry that it has been so long. I've been through a lot this year (feeding tubes, surgeries, more tests, treatments, and more). It's kind of a miracle I'm still here and still writing! I hope I haven't lost all of my readers in the meantime, but if I have, I understand. I just hope those of you that are left will be happy to see more of this story!**_

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They made it back to Castle's place a little before dark. Kate unbuckled her seatbelt and stepped out into the cool evening. She inhaled deeply, reveling in the rich, sweet scent of coniferous pines and the untainted crisp air of the surrounding forest. It was different from the smog and the stifling air of New York. A smile slipped onto Kate's lips as she silently allowed herself to think that she could get used to it. She found herself jumping slightly as Castle shut the driver's side door and moved around the back to pull their luggage from the trunk. The sun had already set, but the residual light left from its journey across the sky colored the clouds in rich reds and oranges. There was even a hint of violet, in the higher cumulus clouds. Castle pulled their luggage out of the back. Kate felt his eyes on her.

"Mind if I stay out here for a little while?" she asked softly.

"Not at all," Castle replied warmly. "I'm just going to bring the luggage inside, and I'll be right back." Kate nodded, reaching up to rub the back of her neck. When she was alone, she lifted her arms over her head and had a good stretch. The downside of riding in the car for so long is that she felt stiff as a statue. She let out a deep relaxed breath as most of the tension in her lower back and shoulders was relieved. Her hands dropped back to her sides as she took a good look around. She couldn't seem to get over how beautiful everything was.

While she waited for Castle to return, Kate moved up to the porch. She smiled as she spied an old swing, hanging in front of the bay windows. It looked awfully inviting and so Kate tested it, pushing it back before removing her touch. The swing swung forwards, then backwards again. The next time she touched it she pushed down to make sure it would bear weight. It seemed structurally sound and so she hesitantly sat down. Her legs dangled in open air over the wood planking of the porch. A smile slipped onto her lips as she recalled a similar swing from her childhood home in the suburbs that was very much like the one she sat on now. Her mother had often sat with her on the porch and read to her, when she was a little girl.

On his way through the foyer, Castle took the liberty of peeking outside. A smile turned the corners of his mouth upwards as he saw Kate through the window. She was sitting on his porch swing, looking quite comfortable as she rocked back and forth. Suddenly he had an idea. He switched off most of the lights in the house, and tiptoed back in the direction of the kitchen. He brewed some decaffeinated coffee, before filling a couple of mugs. He added cream and sugar to the coffee just the way Kate liked it. He set them on the counter, rushed to the cupboard to grab a couple of blankets and his high resolution miniature telescope. He tucked them under his arm, before snatching the coffee off of the kitchen counter and heading for the porch. With his shoulder, he pushed open the screen door to the front porch and stepped out into the cool night.

Kate turned towards him, looking slightly surprised. He offered her a smile as he walked up to her. "Coffee?" he offered. She gratefully took the proffered mug from his hand and wrapped her small hands around it, allowing herself to feel the warmth radiating through the porcelain. She lifted it to her lips, blowing on the caramel colored liquid to cool it slightly. Steam wafted through the air as heat met the cool air around it. Finally, she took a ginger sip, making a soft noise of approval. Castle loved all of the little noises she made.

"Thank you," Kate smiled gratefully. Castle nodded and sat down next to her on the swing. A shiver shot up Kate's spine as her body acknowledged she was cold. As if on cue, she watched Castle set his mug of coffee on a small table on his left. He unfolded one of the blankets and carefully slipped it around her shoulders.

"To keep you warm," he explained. "It cools off pretty quickly at night."

"Thanks," Kate breathed quietly, meeting his eyes. She hoped he knew how much she appreciated all of the small gestures he made. He was so thoughtful sometimes, she was sure there weren't a lot of men out there who measured up to him.

"Anytime," Castle replied softly.

"Aren't you cold?" Kate found herself asking when she noted he was pretty exposed to the elements as well.

"Not yet," Castle replied. Kate nodded. They sat in silence for a minute or two before Kate ultimately decided that she wanted to be closer to him. She sidled up to Castle's side, laying her head softly on his shoulder as she curled up against him. She could see his lips tug upwards in a smile. Her heart started to beat a little faster as she felt his arm wrap around her. He pulled her tight against him. Together they listened to the crickets chirping. Every so often there was a soft rustle of leaves as a stiff breeze caught and swirled through the nearby trees. Kate jumped slightly as a howl in the distance echoed through the air around them. It sounded unlike anything she'd ever heard before. A shiver shot up her spine at the otherworldly nature of the sound.

"It's okay," Castle reassured her as he gave her body a comforting squeeze, "It's just the coyotes singing. There are a lot of them this far north, but they shouldn't bother us."

"But what if they do?" Kate joked.

"Then I'll stave them off long enough for you to get inside," Castle's lips twitched in another bemused smile. "Wait a minute…" he joked, "Is Kate Beckett actually afraid of something?" Then. "I don't believe it." He laughed as Kate gently swatted him on the shoulder. Kate felt her heart swell with love as she saw the childish glint in his eyes. He was like himself again.

"I'm not afraid," Kate defended, "It's just unsettling. I don't think I've ever heard a coyote before. I know I've seen one in the city once, during a heat wave, but that was what I'd like to think of as a rare and very strange occurrence. To be honest, the first time I saw it, I thought that I was seeing things."

"I know what you mean about it being unsettling," Castle agreed. "I remember hearing them one of the first nights I was here. It's a lot different than the city noises I've gotten so used to. But I've grown to like it. It makes me feel less alone. I still remember the first squawk I heard from the bald eagle that lives in one of the larger trees around here. You wouldn't believe the abundance of wildlife that comes through here. Not too long ago, I saw an Elk."

"It must be quite a sight to behold," Kate breathed.

"Oh it is," Castle smiled, "Still, it's nothing near as extraordinary as you. You have to be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen here." Kate looked away, feeling her cheeks flush. She was amazed that Castle could make her feel so much with only his words.

"Rick," Kate whispered, turning towards him. He gazed into the depths of her eyes. Her pupils were dilated, in an effort to let enough light in so that she could see. Castle swallowed thickly. He could hear the pleading in her tone of voice. As much as he knew that she liked the flattery, she was still very shy when it came to matters of her own esteem.

"You know what else is breathtakingly beautiful?" Castle asked as he reached up to brush a stray tendril of hair behind her ear.

"No," she muttered breathlessly, deciding to humor him, "What else is so beautiful?"

"The night sky," Castle replied. "You'll have to wait a few minutes to see what I mean. But it shouldn't be long now."

"How ever are we going to pass the time?" Kate whispered softly as she held his gaze.

"I don't know," Castle replied softly, never looking away. "But I can think of a few ways that we might be able to make the wait a little more bearable."

"Me too," Kate smiled as she swiveled on the swing so that she was facing him a bit more than before. Castle was curious to see whether he could hold out long enough to motivate Kate to make the first move. It worked. Kate grew impatient. His breathing stopped as Kate's hand brushed along his cheekbone and slid effortlessly into his hair. As he finally gave in, Kate's hand slid around the back of his neck, pulling him into a hungry kiss. He moaned as she tugged on his bottom lip, causing it to sting. Just as suddenly, she ran her tongue along the bottom edge to sooth the sting away. His mouth opened greedily and Kate's tongue slid effortlessly into his mouth, exploring the contours of his mouth. She didn't let herself feel guilty for stealing the air from his lungs. She could never get enough of Rick, and knew it was likely that it would never change. There was something about his kiss that was so unbelievably addicting. Intoxicating. Castle moaned softly as Kate ran her right hand down his back and her left up his side, holding him tight against her as she turned and slipped her left thigh over his lap so that she could straddle him.

"Kate," Castle moaned as his body started to respond to their close proximity.

"I know, I know," Kate whispered as she kissed a soft trail of kisses up towards his ear. "I'm sorry." Kate moved slowly off of Castle's lap, causing him to moan as she brushed against some of the more sensitive parts of his body. Kate laughed softly.

"You sure you don't want to finish what we started?" Kate teased.

"Maybe later," Castle replied. "I want to show you something first."

The sky grew darker by the minute, and soon they were left to one of the most beautiful sights imaginable. Kate found the first star in the sky. Over the course of only a few minutes, small white apparitions began to fill the night sky.

"Oh wow," Kate choked out, starting to feel in awe of the picture before her. "The stars. I don't think I've ever seen so many."

"I'm afraid living in the city makes it pretty impossible to see them," Castle said quietly. "Out here in the country, there's no light to block them out."

"I only wish I knew more about astronomy," Kate said sadly. "The only constellation I seem to be able to identify is Ursa Major."

"I was never very good at memorizing the names of all the stars and their place in the night sky either," Castle admitted. "I took an Astronomy class when I was in college, but only because it was the most interesting elective I could come up with. Most of what I learned didn't stick."

"So I guess we're on our own when it comes to deciphering the night sky, huh?" Kate said with a weak smile.

"Not entirely," Castle replied. He received a pair of raised eyebrows from his companion.

"Over the last year I've learned that it comes in handy to have a star map," Castle smiled. "Well, that and a nice telescope." Kate looked at him. She wasn't surprised to see the childish glint in his eyes, the one that told her he was quite pleased with himself. He looked at her for some sort of approval, while he carefully pulled them it out of its protective case. "You want to see Jupiter?" he asked with a wry smile. "It's visible in the night sky at twilight," Castle commented. "It should be fairly easy to find since it's wedged between Pisces and Aries."

"Sure," Kate swallowed, looking up into the sky. She wondered where on earth Jupiter could be in the sea of twinkling lights before them. Castle stood up, holding out his hand for Kate. Kate looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"We need an unobstructed view of the western sky," Castle explained, so we have to leave our nest for a couple of minutes. Kate nodded, took his hand, and followed him off of the porch. He led her to a spot where he took a moment to set up the telescope. Kate watched intently as he leant over the telescope and twisted several knobs, as he tried to set everything up. Finally, Castle found what he was looking for. He straightened up and indicated that she should take his place. She wasn't sure what she was seeing at first, but with some luck, she managed to find what seemed like a bright star. Only it wasn't a star at all. It was brighter than all of the stars around it.

"You see it?" Castle asked hopefully, causing her to jump slightly and nearly lose track of it.

"Yeah," Kate replied. "Wow." Then. "What are the dimmer stars around it?"

"Well, I would have to guess that they're Jupiter's moons," Castle replied. Listing them off as he ticked them off on his fingers. "Let's see… There's Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Calisto…I think?"

"You don't sound very confident there, Castle," Kate teased.

"Well," Castle cleared his throat as a blush worked its way up his neck. "I was trying to impress you, but I can never keep all of the names straight." "But it's cool isn't it?" Castle breathed enthusiastically. "You should come stargazing with me when there's a meteor shower. The last time I sat out here for one, there were so many that I couldn't count them fast enough. They were falling by the dozens."

"Okay," Kate breathed, "That's it. I'm sold. I never want to leave this place." He grabbed her hand and led her back over to the porch swing. She sat and he plopped down next to her.

"Really," Castle chuckled. "If I had known that's what would clinch it I would have made you sit out here the first night you were here." Kate laughed.

"As if the company isn't what really matters," Kate said softly. "I'm pretty sure that I wanted to stay from the first moment I got here. Just being with you is enough."

"Then don't ever leave," Castle said as if it were the most obvious solution in the world. Unfortunately it just wasn't that simple.

"I can tell that you think I'm joking," Kate replied as she held onto him tighter, "But I'm serious." Kate took a deep breath. "I want to stay here, Rick."

"What about your job?" Castle asked, "What about everyone else? Your friends? Your family?" He closed his eyes as he tried to think reasonably. "You have a life in New York, Kate," Castle breathed calmly. "Do you really think you would be okay leaving it all behind?"

"Sure," Kate replied, silently hating the falter in her voice as she answered. She knew she needed to do a better job of selling it. But it was too late. The hesitation Castle heard told him all that he needed to know.

"Nice try," he breathed with a sad smile. "I appreciate your effort to sound earnest, but I understand why you can't be." Then. "Besides… it's better to be honest. I…I know that you'd like to think you would like living here, but I have a feeling you'd change your mind pretty quickly," Castle paused. "I can't be the reason you give up everything else, Kate. I don't want to be. And I certainly don't want you to resent me for making you do it."

"I could never resent you for it," Kate argued. "Do you really think that I'd get sick of you and one day decide that I hate you for making me stay here in the first place?"

"I honestly don't know," Castle shook his head. "All I know is that the novelty has to wear off at some point, Kate." He took a breath as he gazed into her eyes. "God only knows how much I love you, and how much that I want you to stay. But I can't ask you to do that. Not really. I'd hate myself for that."

"So…. What then?" Kate asked. "I go back to New York and just pray that I get to see you every few months? Hell, depending how many cases come in, I might only get enough time to come twice a year!" Kate sighed, feeling defeated. "Rick, I…I have absolutely no idea how our relationship is supposed to withstand that." Castle opened his mouth to reply and then caught himself. He could see that he'd upset Kate somehow.

"I don't know," Castle, sighed, as he raked a hand through his hair in new-found frustration. "Look," he groaned, "I wish I knew what to do." "I… The only thing that I know is that I can't ever go back, Kate."

"You keep saying that!" Kate snapped. "It's like you've already given up."

"Give me one reason I shouldn't!" Castle shot back. "Damn it, Kate! You just don't understand! It's over. I lost." He took a deep breath. "You said yourself, there's nothing to vindicate me!"

"Then try again," Kate yelled. "Otherwise you're nothing more than a quitter!"

"Wow," Castle spoke softly, his breath misting in front of his face. "Congratulations, Kate. You win!" Castle hissed sarcastically. "You've got my number."

"And you're right," he breathed, "We can't maintain a relationship when we can't even speak to each other, and you can't stay here. I couldn't possibly ask you to stay." "Maybe the right thing for me to do here is…"

"Is what?" Kate asked, sensing Castle was struggling to get the words out.

"Let you go," he breathed, almost so quietly she didn't hear.

"No," Kate shook her head. "Absolutely not."

"We can't win, Kate," Castle spoke dejectedly. "We can never win." He held up a hand to silence Kate before she could argue. "Look, I…I didn't want to tell you this, because I knew it would confuse you. But," He sighed. "A man approached me. A man I'd never even met before. He told me that he knew who I was, and that the U.S. government was looking for me."

"I tried to deny it," Castle swallowed, "I denied it vehemently, but it wasn't good enough. Kate, he _knew._"

"I didn't want to listen," Castle confessed, "But he kept talking. He made me listen. And… He-He claimed that the government had set me up, and that they had come after me only because they wanted him, a man I'd never seen before in my life."

"Rick," Kate's voice cracked. "Are you sure he wasn't just playing you?"

"Yeah," Castle nodded. "I'm sure," he spoke confidently. "I… I think this man is my _father_. My real father." Kate nearly choked on her own tongue, and started coughing.

"Castle," Kate said carefully, once she'd regained the ability to speak. "Your father's dead. Someone killed him. Do you…Do you have any idea how crazy that sounds?"

"Of course I do!" Castle nearly shouted. "Don't you think I know how crazy it all sounds?! It's why…I _almost_ didn't tell you." Then, he shook his head and stood.

"Castle, wait!" Kate gripped his hand tightly in hers.

"Just forget it," he muttered. "I knew this was a mistake."

"No!" Kate stood. "Castle, Look at me." He looked everywhere but at her. "Castle, look at me. Please." She reached up to his chin, turning his gaze to meet hers. "Look, I'm sorry, okay?"

"It's fine," he said softly, agonizingly so.

"No, it's not," Kate said patiently. "If it had been me, you would have believed me, on principle. You deserve the same from me." Then. "Can you tell me why you think this man is your father?"

"He gave me something," Castle closed his eyes. "A book." She waited silently for him to open his eyes and continue. It took a while, but he did. "You have to understand. When I was a kid, I used to imagine about what my father was like. I… I sort of liked that he could be _anyone_. He could be doing _anything_. Still, it hurt that I didn't have a father. That's…It's why it was so hard to lose the man I _thought_ was my father. But the politician I met, _Richard, _knew nothing about me. This man, Kate, the one I met a month and a half ago, knew all sorts of things about me. He had pictures of Alexis, Mother, and me. He had pictures from my graduation. He had pictures from my first book signing. And…"

"And?" Kate was hungrily taking in every word. She was starting to believe that maybe Castle was right. Either that, or this man Castle was describing took the definition of stalker to the extreme.

"And a copy of the first book I ever read," Castle said. "Wait here," he commanded softly as he rushed inside for something, and came back a minute later, clutching something. He handed it to her, and she ran her hand over the cover.

It was a first edition of _Casino Royale_.

"He said he knew that I'd had to leave my copy behind," Castle said to Kate. "This. This is the first book that I read. This is the book that made me want to become a writer." She was speechless. "I never knew who sent it. There was no note or anything. I guess I just took it for granted."

"Wow," Kate breathed. "I admit. That's pretty compelling." Then. "So where does that leave us?"

"Nowhere," Castle sighed. "I mean…it's not like he gave me any real advice."

"But I know where to start digging, now," Kate said softly. "Castle, just give me a chance to find something before you give up all hope, okay?" Castle wasn't sure if he could even mutter a response, so he just nodded. "Did he give you any means to contact him?"

"No," Castle shook his head. "Not so much as a phone number," Castle replied as he stood up. "You mind if I go to bed?" he asked, suddenly feeling very tired.

"No," Kate shook her head. "I'm gonna hang out here for a moment. But I'll be up soon."

"Lock up when you come in?" he asked with a smile. He lifted her hand to his cheek and kissed the inside of her palm.

"Of course," Kate replied softly. She tried not to shiver as he left her outside, staring into the darkness.

How was she going to find a man who in all senses of the word didn't really have an identity? And how was she going to enlist his help, in proving Castle's innocence?

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_**A/N: So that's it for now! More to come soon! I promise! Please review and let me know if any of you are still with me!**_

_**I LOVE YOU ALL! Take care and god bless!**_


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